stupid stupid stupid

[carrieoffcocainenow]

fell off the wagon the other night after being clean from cocaine for weeks. now last night that was all i wanted to do. what the hell was i thinking? I can't understand why i can't just stop I don't even like the way getting high makes me feel anymore. Staring out the window and being paranoid is no fun at all! It really makes no sense to me. What is wrong with me

[seahorse1963]

You can't live in the past, it robs you of a future...let it go, brush yourself off and move foward...if you stumble the good news is you can always get back up and change directions...I agree cocaine, just the sound of it makes my tummy yucky for sure.

[WDsRawful]

you know how many times I've fallen?  too many to count.  I'm surprised this forum isn't sick of me coming here every so often going thru w/d again...but they're not.  pick yourself up and keep going..  I have picked myself up AGAIN and am going forward.  YOu can do it.

[carrieoffcocainenow]

how long has it been since you last used?

[gizzy32]

Hi again, I read your post on the other side too. If your living with someone that is using, that is complete torture. To this day, if there was coke in the house, I would obsess all day about it and not be able to stay clean, that is a fact. You say you don't understand why you can't stop? You are addicted, that is why. I never understood why I could not stop either, it was complete madness. Can you talk to him about this again? Although it is wrong for him to be doing this, you did steal some from him and have to accept full responsibility for your own addiction, not his.

I hope my words don't sound mean, I am speaking from my heart and this drug will kill you:( I am lucky to be alive today after my coke use. Please please make some changes and get this drug out of the house somehow, someway. If you need to talk send me a message. We are here for you:)

[Beccabeccalynn]

Drugs In the house is no good but you already know that. I would use coke crystal pot pills shrooms if it was right I. Front of
me right now. So I don't have it around and I don't go to
places where it is. You have to have boundries for yourself it is not reasonable to expect an addict who is active In addiction to have respect for your boundries. Just food for thought.

[SophieShine]

Hi Carrie and welcome to the forum!
I'm so sorry for what you're going thru, it looks like a wonder to me that you could even think about stopping with a stash at home, that shows a lot of determination.
As said above, it's a real torture to stop with your DOC in the house, you really should find a solution to that. I have no idea of the circumstances and why you have to stay with him but he has to understand and respect your decision to quit.
Please keep on posting, reach out for help.
Best of luck to you. xoxoxo. sophie.

[carrieoffcocainenow]

hi all! thank you all for the support! I really think it helps! i had a talk with him again last night, and again he promises to keep it out of the house for me. I dont know if he will or not but i really do believe that he is worried about my health and well being so just maybe it'll happen, time will tell. I don't want you all to think hes some kind of monster that has  no respect for my feelings cause thats simply not the case, hes a good man who happens to have a drug problem, he just don't realize it yet.  You know denile ain't just a river in egypt. Hopefully i can get better and help him to get better in the process! thank you to everyone again i look foward to hearing from everyone real soon!

[carrieoffcocainenow]

oh yeah i forgot to mention, i feel great today, had a good breakfast, got in a good work out. It felt really good to break a healthy sweat!

[SophieShine]

That great news!!! working out is gonna help you a lot! Keep having that positive mind frame girl and sweat all you can!
xoxoxo. sophie.

[gizzy32]

Glad your back on track and hope you stick around, support helps us all so much. Right now just focus on you and your recovery, not his. Glad you feel great today, life is amazing clean:)