Aa
One More Weekend - Free
I worried I wouldn't, but I did. As far as weekends go it was a great one and I made it!!!!!!!
sheila
sheila
Thank you so much for your caring post. That has been my worst fear/nightmare, to wind up exposed and in legal trouble and with my family situation jeoprodized. I have not forged a new script and will not do it again. I have a limited supply of pills left and when they're done, they're done. I'm trying to taper because I can't do cold turkey because I cannot take time off of work and my wife is in terrible condition due to her pregnancy (she gets sicker than anyone I know). I feel horrible for your friend who is in jail and has children. I am suprised that she is in jail given that there were only two episodes where she was caught. I thought the legal system was such that a person (especially a mom who's only fault is drug dependency) has to nearly kill someone to spend time in jail. Maybe I'm naive about this. At any rate, I don't plan to test out my assumptions since I'm done forging.
Thanks again.
Thanks again.
Jenn, I kind of missed what you were saying: you had 10 pills left for the week, and were going to begin cold turkey at the end of this week?
My refills are gone (when I first gave into my dormant addiction 6 months ago, I used internet doctors. For the past 3 months, I've forged my own scripts). I have no option now but to taper as I've planned (I have a schedule that runs over 20 days), or continue to risk my family's security by committing the felony of forging prescriptions for controlled substances. I have resolved to not have that as an option. I have a habit of approx 200 mg of hydro/day. I will taper to zero by the end of the 20th day, starting tommorow. Since I've used pharmacies for my scripts, the financial burden, while substantial, has not been all that detectable (plus, I reconcile our finances which is a welcome burden off my wife's shoulder given that she is a full time mom of 4 young children, pregnant with number 5, and helps to manage/lead a home-school cooperative in our area. And yes, I'm good at hiding things but she has definitely gotten wind that something inside of me has been different, has died, in a way, and she was extremely vocal about it until her pregnancy which has her very very sick (in a healthy way).
It should be evident, that given my tremendous responsibilies, I have no business risking the welfare of so many who depend on me for their very necessities. Not that any of us have any business giving in to our addictions, but I have the greatest repulsion for myself, of course.
I do hope and pray that you can get through this week and then take the next to really allow your new life to begin setting in. I tell myself, in a month things will be different. My wife will be incredibly nauseas until mid-November. Compared to her plight, mine is minor. More than getting over the sickness though, I am so hungry to be able to look myself in the eye again, to begin to allow healing in the chasm that has formed between my and my wife and me and my God.
My refills are gone (when I first gave into my dormant addiction 6 months ago, I used internet doctors. For the past 3 months, I've forged my own scripts). I have no option now but to taper as I've planned (I have a schedule that runs over 20 days), or continue to risk my family's security by committing the felony of forging prescriptions for controlled substances. I have resolved to not have that as an option. I have a habit of approx 200 mg of hydro/day. I will taper to zero by the end of the 20th day, starting tommorow. Since I've used pharmacies for my scripts, the financial burden, while substantial, has not been all that detectable (plus, I reconcile our finances which is a welcome burden off my wife's shoulder given that she is a full time mom of 4 young children, pregnant with number 5, and helps to manage/lead a home-school cooperative in our area. And yes, I'm good at hiding things but she has definitely gotten wind that something inside of me has been different, has died, in a way, and she was extremely vocal about it until her pregnancy which has her very very sick (in a healthy way).
It should be evident, that given my tremendous responsibilies, I have no business risking the welfare of so many who depend on me for their very necessities. Not that any of us have any business giving in to our addictions, but I have the greatest repulsion for myself, of course.
I do hope and pray that you can get through this week and then take the next to really allow your new life to begin setting in. I tell myself, in a month things will be different. My wife will be incredibly nauseas until mid-November. Compared to her plight, mine is minor. More than getting over the sickness though, I am so hungry to be able to look myself in the eye again, to begin to allow healing in the chasm that has formed between my and my wife and me and my God.
DARVON --- I CAN NOT QUIT -- I JUST CANT DO IT -- I DON'T KNOW HOW. IT IS BIGGER THEN ME -- IT IS LIKE I AM TWO PEOPE -- A NORMAL MOTHER WIFE BUSINESS WOMEN, AND A DRUG ADDICT WHO WILL GO CRAZY WITH OUT A GOOD SUPPLY OF DARVON. ANYONE ELSE A DAVON ADDICT. SOMETIMES I JUST DON'T WONT TO BE HERE ANYMORE, I CAN'T WIN. THE PILLS, THEY ALWAYS WIN, AND I HAT THE LIES, LIES LIES LIES, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE IS A LIS AND WHAT IS THE TRUTH ANYMORE. MY LIFE IS JUST ONE BIG DOUBLE LIE AND I DON'T WANT TO BE EITHER PERSON. I LOVE ME FAMILY AND MY KIDS, I JUST CAN NOT GET CLEAN. I HAVE TRIED, MANY TIMES. IF YOU MET ME YOU WOULD NEVER THINK I WAS AN ADDICT. I AM TRYING TO DETOX NOW AND I AN GOING TO RIP MY F'IN LEGS OFF OR RUN TO THE ONE OF MY DRUG STORES, I HAVE TO HAVE A REFILL SOME WHERE. I JUST CANT DO IT! HELP! HAS ANYONE ELSE BEEN A DARVON ADDICT. TAMMY, ARE YOU MAKING IT..I HAVENT READ A LOT OF POSTS, I CAN NOT SIT STILL. WELL THE BABY JUST PUKED, GOT TO GO WIPE IT UP YUCK! PAIGE.
Well, sorry to see that you are already going through withdrawls and it didn't fit your plan. You might want to think about starting now. That way you won't have to put yourself through this this week and then get another script and start it all over. The 1st couple of day are the worst.
I should know. I took my last two this morning. I wanted to get better while my wife was working during the week. Plus I can't get another script till the end of the week. By that time I will have already had 4 or so days under my belt. By then I see no reason to put myself and my wife through this hell again. I told her I will be stopping my meds and won't be feeling well. She knows it is hard, but doesn't really want to hear it. I can't say I blame her. I would get tired of listening to someone complain about the pain all the time, then have to deal with our erratic behavior due to the meds. "I am out of meds so I won't feel well", the I am almost out worrying, the I don't feel well today, just all of the BULLSHIT we have said and done. It is time to PUT AN END TO IT ALL, and face this, get through it and move on.
The bottom line is we have all lived without these. We can do it again. You have to just WANT to. I WANT TO. I AM GOING TO.
The best we can all hope for is that the withdrawls aren't too bad and that we make the best of it through it. Take a walk, a bike ride, anything to get out. I know it is hard and I will have to convince myself in the next 2 or 3 days which will be the hardest. It does make you feel better. It is just so hard to get up and actually do it when we feel that way.
Sorry for the soapbox, but as you can see, I am SCARED inside!!! I know this is going to be hard. I just want to stay strong.
I got some vitamins, flexeril, and just started wellbutrin. I am going to try and get some valium type to help me sleep.
I hope the best to everyone else who is on the right track or getting there.
Chezz
I should know. I took my last two this morning. I wanted to get better while my wife was working during the week. Plus I can't get another script till the end of the week. By that time I will have already had 4 or so days under my belt. By then I see no reason to put myself and my wife through this hell again. I told her I will be stopping my meds and won't be feeling well. She knows it is hard, but doesn't really want to hear it. I can't say I blame her. I would get tired of listening to someone complain about the pain all the time, then have to deal with our erratic behavior due to the meds. "I am out of meds so I won't feel well", the I am almost out worrying, the I don't feel well today, just all of the BULLSHIT we have said and done. It is time to PUT AN END TO IT ALL, and face this, get through it and move on.
The bottom line is we have all lived without these. We can do it again. You have to just WANT to. I WANT TO. I AM GOING TO.
The best we can all hope for is that the withdrawls aren't too bad and that we make the best of it through it. Take a walk, a bike ride, anything to get out. I know it is hard and I will have to convince myself in the next 2 or 3 days which will be the hardest. It does make you feel better. It is just so hard to get up and actually do it when we feel that way.
Sorry for the soapbox, but as you can see, I am SCARED inside!!! I know this is going to be hard. I just want to stay strong.
I got some vitamins, flexeril, and just started wellbutrin. I am going to try and get some valium type to help me sleep.
I hope the best to everyone else who is on the right track or getting there.
Chezz
I can totally understand your situation. I have known for over two years that I was totally addicted for one year I just didn't care, didn't want to quit. The last year was a constant try and fail...try and fail... You have made a few key moves 1) you have admitted you have a problem and want it fixed. 2) you are trying to get off the cycle. I was the king of lies (lies to my family, the doctors, pharymacies). I am now entering day 12 without using any tussonex (my drug of choice) and I can tell you two things first w/d suck...it is unpleasant and hard...but you can do it, second it is worth it when and the when varys it seems from person to person, you start becoming human again, and regaining some lost pride in yourself. Look through the post on this board it is very encouraging and the suggestions on dealing with w/d are good and helpful. Also, since it seems you have a good job and probably a good insurance company look on the card and it will have a number for substance abuse... I called and got several sessions with a psy. who specalizes in substance abuse. Believe me it will help....
Hang in there, I know you can do it... I will pray that you have the strength to do what you need to do for yourself...
God Bless
Connie's post in the thread below got my attention. She says something towards the end that I find ironic.
"The only thing my family keeps questioing is why I never feel well. Some days they make me feel quite sick. I do it any way".
That is something I still have not fiqured out. We are supposed to be taking these meds to help us get better, yet they make us sicker. We don't feel well when we take too much, we don't feel well when we haven't taken enough, we don't feel well when we don't have enough, we don't feel well..............................................................................................................................
and its the drugs we are taking to feel "better" that are making us feel this way.
Mind over matter.......
Chezz
"The only thing my family keeps questioing is why I never feel well. Some days they make me feel quite sick. I do it any way".
That is something I still have not fiqured out. We are supposed to be taking these meds to help us get better, yet they make us sicker. We don't feel well when we take too much, we don't feel well when we haven't taken enough, we don't feel well when we don't have enough, we don't feel well..............................................................................................................................
and its the drugs we are taking to feel "better" that are making us feel this way.
Mind over matter.......
Chezz
Thank You..
I am soooooo here for you if you need to talk or need encouragement. I am on this bandwagon of staying clean and I will give support any way I can to anyone else trying..
Sheila
I am soooooo here for you if you need to talk or need encouragement. I am on this bandwagon of staying clean and I will give support any way I can to anyone else trying..
Sheila
I am glad you told your doc and everyone else that you quiting so you can't go back. That is a good idea. I just hope you don't have another way of getting the meds. Cause you may think something, or feel a certain way now about quiting. But, You are HIGH right now, so those thoughts are...............poof, gone. They are nothing like the thoughts, feelings, ect that you are going to feel when you are off the meds.
Don't read this now though. Read this a couple days after you have stopped taking the meds and tell me what you think.
I personally have never done some of the things that "hardcore" addicts have. (by hardcore, we all are, just something to set it appart. I have gotten all my meds from the same doc, for about 6 months. Up to about 12 percs a day or so, sometimes 8, a couple times 20. Got new script(60) every week. Run out early you ask?, grin and bear it, w/d, then start again. Kind of a crappy way to go doing things. But I am lucky I don't know where to get these things on the street, or anyway else. I don't want to either. I couldn't imagine the things I would do to get them!!! Especially while w/ding. For this I am LUCKY.
Chezz
Don't read this now though. Read this a couple days after you have stopped taking the meds and tell me what you think.
I personally have never done some of the things that "hardcore" addicts have. (by hardcore, we all are, just something to set it appart. I have gotten all my meds from the same doc, for about 6 months. Up to about 12 percs a day or so, sometimes 8, a couple times 20. Got new script(60) every week. Run out early you ask?, grin and bear it, w/d, then start again. Kind of a crappy way to go doing things. But I am lucky I don't know where to get these things on the street, or anyway else. I don't want to either. I couldn't imagine the things I would do to get them!!! Especially while w/ding. For this I am LUCKY.
Chezz
CHRIST!! 60 a WEEK? I can't believe your doctor would write you a scrip for that many pills PER WEEK! Furthermore, I
TRY to stick it out??? I am not going through this with any other idea. I talked to my doc a couple weeks ago, letting him know I wanted to taper or stop taking them. He was surprised that I came to him. So this last week I made an appt. and talked about it again. He said he would pres. x# for so many days than we would taper every week from there. I decided, why string it out? If you don't have pain, get over it. And that is where I am now.
BTW - I originally started taking them for my back. Same as everyone else. Disk degeneration, slipped, ect. Extremely painful. One time my wife almost passed out because I was hurting so bad in the doctors office while he did tests on me. I could barely stand or walk from the pain. It was intense. It comes every couple of years, never on meds for more than 6-7 months. I have been to the best med. facilities that deal with backs. They said surgery now or later. No guarantee the pain will stay away.
In the past I have just stopped taking the meds and dealt with it. I had restless leg so bad one time I thought I was going to die, I couldn't believe it. I just stopped taking ms-contin which did nothing for me(no high) and very little for the pain. So I just stopped taking it one day and I couldn't believe the feeling inside of me. I literally wanted to jump out of my skin. I figured it might be from the ms-contin but said oh well and dealt with it. Went riding that day and the next, about 5 miles. I felt better in a couple days and then moved on. I never really knew about w/d's and stuff. I just took it for the pain, my body got addicted and I felt like **** when I was better. Believe me I did have bad w/d during this time, I just didn't know it.
The 8-10 a day that I did take still would not take away all the pain when it was really bad. It took they edge off to help me do everyday things without too much pain. Then I had to stay at that level when the pain started to get better due to the physical opiate addiction. In other words to feel "right".
Well now I am going to finally feel right again,
Chezz
BTW - I originally started taking them for my back. Same as everyone else. Disk degeneration, slipped, ect. Extremely painful. One time my wife almost passed out because I was hurting so bad in the doctors office while he did tests on me. I could barely stand or walk from the pain. It was intense. It comes every couple of years, never on meds for more than 6-7 months. I have been to the best med. facilities that deal with backs. They said surgery now or later. No guarantee the pain will stay away.
In the past I have just stopped taking the meds and dealt with it. I had restless leg so bad one time I thought I was going to die, I couldn't believe it. I just stopped taking ms-contin which did nothing for me(no high) and very little for the pain. So I just stopped taking it one day and I couldn't believe the feeling inside of me. I literally wanted to jump out of my skin. I figured it might be from the ms-contin but said oh well and dealt with it. Went riding that day and the next, about 5 miles. I felt better in a couple days and then moved on. I never really knew about w/d's and stuff. I just took it for the pain, my body got addicted and I felt like **** when I was better. Believe me I did have bad w/d during this time, I just didn't know it.
The 8-10 a day that I did take still would not take away all the pain when it was really bad. It took they edge off to help me do everyday things without too much pain. Then I had to stay at that level when the pain started to get better due to the physical opiate addiction. In other words to feel "right".
Well now I am going to finally feel right again,
Chezz
BTW
there is no way in hell that that doc got busted for 30 vics a month to some guy. I have heard of docs giving 100 with a couple refills all the time.
He had something else going on.
I personally have only taken vicodin once, and it didn't help for the pain so I flushed em. The problem was mental. They weren't my "usual" medicine I take for my back, so they must not work. dumb
Chezz
there is no way in hell that that doc got busted for 30 vics a month to some guy. I have heard of docs giving 100 with a couple refills all the time.
He had something else going on.
I personally have only taken vicodin once, and it didn't help for the pain so I flushed em. The problem was mental. They weren't my "usual" medicine I take for my back, so they must not work. dumb
Chezz
My doctor has writen me scripts for 140 vicidon and 140 darvon on the same day. She said I should alternate them every few days so that I don't become too dependent on any one. I have cronic pain and may need surgery down the road. That was one happy day for me when I left her office, I was dancing in the street. The Pharmacy or insurance company didn't really make much of a fuss other then say that I should not take the drugs together at the same time.
Anyway, Sean, please be careful about forging scripts, I am not lying to you, I have a dear friend with four children who is now sitting in a jail cell for forging scripts. I know she was caught twice, the first time was for stealing a script from someones medicine closet, she did this meals on wheels thing and took this old mans meds, and the second time was for forging the script. Just be careful, a fifth child on the way, god knows, your wife needs you, and I sure you are too nice of a person to be in jail.
By the way, DARVON STINKS, AND I WILL NEVER WIN THIS FIGHT IT SEEMS. I am trying, I am going to Detox, soon, really! I just don't know how, the last time I tried, I couldn't even drive and almost killed myself and my kids trying to pick my daughter up from dance.
Paige
Anyway, Sean, please be careful about forging scripts, I am not lying to you, I have a dear friend with four children who is now sitting in a jail cell for forging scripts. I know she was caught twice, the first time was for stealing a script from someones medicine closet, she did this meals on wheels thing and took this old mans meds, and the second time was for forging the script. Just be careful, a fifth child on the way, god knows, your wife needs you, and I sure you are too nice of a person to be in jail.
By the way, DARVON STINKS, AND I WILL NEVER WIN THIS FIGHT IT SEEMS. I am trying, I am going to Detox, soon, really! I just don't know how, the last time I tried, I couldn't even drive and almost killed myself and my kids trying to pick my daughter up from dance.
Paige
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