the real question can you really help ?

[y2kyasir]

ok so its a very long story but i am a survivor fighter kinda person i have a history of abuse of drugs pretty much anything from weed charas it has been more than 6 years in between i had a paralysis attacked was rushed to hospital was given valium iv after that prescribed procylidine hcl and haloperidol and motival for a few months i was a very happy person even quit smoking for month gradually the dose was reduced and everything was great.but i had tasted valium now i am like i would abuse anything i could get my hands on and i always have problem sleeping so the poor docprescribed zolpidem 1 for night to sleep later i discover **** was so good i started taking it on empty stomach and boom so much euphoria ... one more i develop tolerance like so fast unbelievably fast so which started as 1 reached to 2 4 6 10 pills per night and without a prescription it was getting tough.so i had to quit and with a bit of very hard time withdrawals i recovered with motival and keeping busy.i was ok for some time but then motival is like lost from my country burn in hell GSK anyhow so i moved onto valium for a long time and started as 1 5mg and you know how my tolerance goes up right so i doubled it to point as 25 mg at once on empty stomach unfortunately even that had now more euphoric and a good feeling so upped to 40mg and 50mg and then stopped because it wasnt working because tolerance right ? so i went to doctor and i said i can handle it i just need  little help so got prescribed tarazadone 50mg and lexotanil 3mg every night.once again abused lexotanil and it got upto 30mg and 60 mg and so much tolerance that it wont work like last night i took 30 mg and i slept nothing euphoric or happy or high but slept woke up like 6 hours or so like nothing happened also i abused tarazadone 600mg i didnt like it once i just fell while vomiting its tolerance built up was in just a week plus i didnt like it i was having difficulty talking and stuttering and my mouth would make weird up movements i moved on from it without anything right now i am just taking 3mg lexotanil and sleep good and everything is great even helping others but in once in a blue moon i want to do drugs like really bad i can get the prescription one but **** they dont work at all so  ...
how can i restore my brain to its original condition is that even possible ? i think the 2 neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin are like completely absent or i dont know plus one thing is i literally eat so less but dont have any less energy i only like eat once in a day and thats like way to less.Even when i am hungry i eat and 1/3 the way i dont want to eat like a complete loss of appetite.i can probably go even without eating for a complete day.i cant stop drugs in a blink thats not the issue the main thing is sleep and appetite and hunger sometimes i am so hungry like so empty stomach but eat so less and i tried exercising playing badminton i like that game but even that doesnt help so thats pretty much ... i know its long but maybe you could help and please dont tell me to go to a doctor been there done that i pretty much outsmart them sometimes because when i go to them i do my research a lot    

[lovechild58]

Wow. The only thing I can say is that you seem hell bent on killing yourself. A pill for this, a pill for that, not eating, not working. What's going on with you sir? You know I'm no expert, but I think there is an underlying problem that you are ignoring and not seeking help for. Swallowing any pill you can get your paws on is a symptom of a deeper problem. You need help figuring out what drives you to such self destruction.

[y2kyasir]

i dont do anything at all like work for a living  i wanna do productive stuff you wont even believe my age so have all the day to think and do nothing anyhow thanks for the input right now i am just trying to be busy all day i have a college degree but i really dont want to work i know at some point i might have to.You know i am one of those guys who literally go to work and do stuff for there significant other since there is none.Even if i have money what am i to spend on ? lol
thanks for the input

[Pollyanna7]

I am no expert at all as I am on day 6 of no pain killers and still going through withdrawals BUT I can say we have to start somewhere. The addiction only gets worse and worse. I have been on pills for 10 years. Last year I stopped for 9 months then gradually lied to myself that I could handle the pills and started taking them again, the addiction was far worse after I had stopped and started again. Just start.. its HARD!! I know? but also I do know after I was clean for awhile I never felt so good. Get help and support. I wish I had done that before, I wouldn't be on my second round of WD again. Take care!!

[dominosarah]

I read your story and all i can say is exactly what you said not to say....You need to get real honest with yourself first and foremost.  Then you need to talk honestly with your doctor and tell him/her what is going on.  We all know the games to play when our addiction is raging.  We are masters at manipulating to get our way.  You are on a very dangerous ride right now.  Have you thought about some form of aftercare?  You are battling alot of demons and until you put them to rest this will continue.