Aa
tired of my wife and her addiction
Hi all, just wondering if anyone has any advice for me as to what i can do with my wife. she has been prescribed percocets for over 2 years now for back pain but in the last 6 months she has become unbearable. i keep her pills locked in a case now because she was constantly running out 2 weeks before her next prescription, when she ran out she would spend hundreds buying them from drug dealers to make up for those she was short. before locking them in a case at her request i would hide them also at her request but if she found them she would dip into them every so often almost doubleing her daily dose and again run out early.
last month was a particularely bad month, i had the pills hidden in the basement, as usual she found them and by the time i realised she knew where they were she was allready a week short, of course she blamed this on me for not hiding them well enough. after watching her have withdrawel symptoms for 3 days i agreed that she could buy some but not with any of the grocery money, this time she would have to lose something of hers so she pawned her necklace and spent the $80 she got on pills then dipped into the food money without telling me, 2 days later she then pawned her engagement ring to buy more (this i didnt know about until a few days ago).
now the pills are locked away i have to listen to verbal abuse none stop, she always wants just one or two extra because she is really hurting and when she doesnt get her way immediatly she begins with the sympathy thing, then she moves onto anger and tells me how i dont love her because i let her sit in pain, then usually there are tears and she admits she has a problem and acts like she wants to really get off the pills but then soon after she is back to the anger and telling me she hates me. if i do give her what she wants i know its gonna cost us a lot of money or she is gonna be really hurting later on so i am only trying to help her, also if i did give them to her she would blame her running out on me giving them to her and decide as its my fault she should be allowed to spend all our money on more pills. i have talked to her alot about how this affects me and the children and i have explained to her how are marriage is falling to pieces because of these little white pills, at these times she gets upset and tells me she is sorry and she will never treat me like that again and will only ever take her 6 a day, but the next day she does the exact same thing. she is also completely un willing to try and end her dependency on the pills as she feels she needs them and has told me on a few occasions that if the choice were me or the drugs she would have choose the drugs because she needs them so badly.
basically i am tired of the lying, tired of the abuse, tired of struggling to feed the kids and pay the bills because she blows it all on drugs and tired of having a wife that looks like shes away with the fairys for the first two weeks of a month and then crying in pain for the second two weeks. and i also seriously think that shes not far away from prostituting herslef to get cash for pills. what can i do? does anyone have any advice that might help?
last month was a particularely bad month, i had the pills hidden in the basement, as usual she found them and by the time i realised she knew where they were she was allready a week short, of course she blamed this on me for not hiding them well enough. after watching her have withdrawel symptoms for 3 days i agreed that she could buy some but not with any of the grocery money, this time she would have to lose something of hers so she pawned her necklace and spent the $80 she got on pills then dipped into the food money without telling me, 2 days later she then pawned her engagement ring to buy more (this i didnt know about until a few days ago).
now the pills are locked away i have to listen to verbal abuse none stop, she always wants just one or two extra because she is really hurting and when she doesnt get her way immediatly she begins with the sympathy thing, then she moves onto anger and tells me how i dont love her because i let her sit in pain, then usually there are tears and she admits she has a problem and acts like she wants to really get off the pills but then soon after she is back to the anger and telling me she hates me. if i do give her what she wants i know its gonna cost us a lot of money or she is gonna be really hurting later on so i am only trying to help her, also if i did give them to her she would blame her running out on me giving them to her and decide as its my fault she should be allowed to spend all our money on more pills. i have talked to her alot about how this affects me and the children and i have explained to her how are marriage is falling to pieces because of these little white pills, at these times she gets upset and tells me she is sorry and she will never treat me like that again and will only ever take her 6 a day, but the next day she does the exact same thing. she is also completely un willing to try and end her dependency on the pills as she feels she needs them and has told me on a few occasions that if the choice were me or the drugs she would have choose the drugs because she needs them so badly.
basically i am tired of the lying, tired of the abuse, tired of struggling to feed the kids and pay the bills because she blows it all on drugs and tired of having a wife that looks like shes away with the fairys for the first two weeks of a month and then crying in pain for the second two weeks. and i also seriously think that shes not far away from prostituting herslef to get cash for pills. what can i do? does anyone have any advice that might help?
i truely believe she is in pain but i also believe that the majority of that pain is being caused by her pills. even if she has a constant dull ache in her back that might otherwise be bearable it has become unbearable through taking pain pills for so long, the way i always look at it is as if you are living in the dark (or under the control of pills) for a long period of time, when you come out into the light (pills wear off) you are blinded by the daylight (pain), this is how i imagine her pain is,
i understand what its like to be in pain, i hurt my back a long time ago and was off work for months, i spent a month doubled over because my back just wouldnt straighten out, luckily for me i was living in england at the time where the docs aint so ready to hand out pain meds to everyone that asks politely. eventually i did get offered pain medication but still turned it down. i can totally understand why people would want to take pain meds but IMO it is rarely gonna solve anything especially when it comes to things like a bad back which may be bad for the rest of her life like mine is, but does not constantly hurt rather just flares up a few times a year and puts me out of action for about a week.
she had an MRI done which did show alot of problems, so she may be in constant pain but i figure if you took the entire population of America and gave them an MRI on their back at least 80% of the adults would show damage to their spine that may or may not cause pain. we just werent designed to walk upright, sorry in advance to all those that believe in god and that we were created in the image we have, i dont meen offense to any religious people but thats the reason why so many people have bad backs.
because of the fact that she may be in pain constantly i am not asking her to stop taking the pills, i just want her to take tham as prescribed and stop giving me a hard time, if thats immposible for an adict to do then i guess ill have to try and get her off them completely. like i said in an above post she started abusing her pills about 6 months ago, right around the same time money got tight and her stress level would have gone up. her ex is in court next week for contempt of court for not paying his child sup. hopefully then he will be scared into paying regularely and her stress levels will drop to a point where she might want to start accepting my help to make her addiction and our relationship better.
i understand what its like to be in pain, i hurt my back a long time ago and was off work for months, i spent a month doubled over because my back just wouldnt straighten out, luckily for me i was living in england at the time where the docs aint so ready to hand out pain meds to everyone that asks politely. eventually i did get offered pain medication but still turned it down. i can totally understand why people would want to take pain meds but IMO it is rarely gonna solve anything especially when it comes to things like a bad back which may be bad for the rest of her life like mine is, but does not constantly hurt rather just flares up a few times a year and puts me out of action for about a week.
she had an MRI done which did show alot of problems, so she may be in constant pain but i figure if you took the entire population of America and gave them an MRI on their back at least 80% of the adults would show damage to their spine that may or may not cause pain. we just werent designed to walk upright, sorry in advance to all those that believe in god and that we were created in the image we have, i dont meen offense to any religious people but thats the reason why so many people have bad backs.
because of the fact that she may be in pain constantly i am not asking her to stop taking the pills, i just want her to take tham as prescribed and stop giving me a hard time, if thats immposible for an adict to do then i guess ill have to try and get her off them completely. like i said in an above post she started abusing her pills about 6 months ago, right around the same time money got tight and her stress level would have gone up. her ex is in court next week for contempt of court for not paying his child sup. hopefully then he will be scared into paying regularely and her stress levels will drop to a point where she might want to start accepting my help to make her addiction and our relationship better.
Try telling her family that if they continue to sell to her, you are going to turn them in. If you can't scare her, maybe you can scare them.
Will keep you guys in my prayers.
Susan
Will keep you guys in my prayers.
Susan
LOL! You would probably sell even more of them because of simple fact of addicts smashing them to get more pills out! Oh, something I also didn't think about......you need to determine if your wife even actually still has back pain, or if she's been lying to the doc just to get more pills. I hope I didn't just ruin your day, but it needs to be considered. If that's the case, then I strongly believe that you should look into methadone clinics. That way, she would have a scheduled dose everyday and never have to worry about chasing the percocets when she ran out. She would never get sick, and wouldn't have to worry about all the liver damage associated with the Tylenol that's in the percs. If that's the route you choose, then you both would have to tell the doc what's going on. At a clinic she would also get good counseling, and probably would have a better chance of one day deciding for herself to get weaned off of opiates. The main benefit (although it's not exactly cheap) for you would be knowing exactly how much money per month would be needed. You would be able to budget your money ALOT better. Most people in your situation would prefer it if the loved one checked into a long-term rehab, but I can guarantee that your wife would go straight back to the percocets after being released. Research the clinics is all I am saying. It's the quickest way for you and her to get some peace of mind. ---KLM_81
ha ha yeah i know whats going on just sometimes i find out a little late, she generally tells me what shes done just a week or two later, its the same line everytime "at least i told you the truth now get off my back" i asked her if that line would work the other way around, if i went out and sleapt with a hooker but told her about it two weeks later would i be in the clear for being truthfull lol
my plan is to keep her on her regular dose for awhile and try and spread out the doses so she has pain relief all day rather than just for 6-8 hours a day, if this works im then gonna try and talk more to her about cutting down the pills, maybe just cutting 1/4 pill out of each dose for 3-4 weeks, then dropping that by another 1/4 (about 1.25 mg) right now she takes 2x5mg 3 times a day. by dropping the doses by such a small ammount im hoping she will hardly notice the difference.
thanks again guys for your continued words of support, hopefully now i have the backing of you guys i might be able to get her off this **** or at least get her onto her regular dose without any anger, shame i cant build some gadget that will only release 6 pills per day and wont unlock until the end of the month for re-loading so not even i can open it, if i had something like that, maybe ill build one and patent it and make millions while at the same time helping my wife, now im just dreaming lol
my plan is to keep her on her regular dose for awhile and try and spread out the doses so she has pain relief all day rather than just for 6-8 hours a day, if this works im then gonna try and talk more to her about cutting down the pills, maybe just cutting 1/4 pill out of each dose for 3-4 weeks, then dropping that by another 1/4 (about 1.25 mg) right now she takes 2x5mg 3 times a day. by dropping the doses by such a small ammount im hoping she will hardly notice the difference.
thanks again guys for your continued words of support, hopefully now i have the backing of you guys i might be able to get her off this **** or at least get her onto her regular dose without any anger, shame i cant build some gadget that will only release 6 pills per day and wont unlock until the end of the month for re-loading so not even i can open it, if i had something like that, maybe ill build one and patent it and make millions while at the same time helping my wife, now im just dreaming lol
Hey man, I feel for ya. I'm my case, I'm the addict though. And I've put my wife through hell. But I was totally trying to hide my problem from her until recently when it all came to a head. Now I have sought help through a clinic and the correct use of Suboxone. Only time will tell, but I am more determined than I ever have been. (10+ year addiction) I think your already ahead of he curve by knowing all that's going on, whereas I was hiding mine. I had tried ALL forms of things to quit except what I'm doing now, including being locked up. And I'm confident this will do more than anything else. First of all, she has to REALLY want to quit. Feel normal, and not euphoric. Not just be trying get you off her back. If she does, then she needs to tell her doctor with you present through the whole thing. Since he/she was the one that introduced her to the pills, then he/she needs to be the first line of defense. However, don't get discouraged if all he does is gradually reduce her meds. Not all doctors are qualified treat addiction, so that might be the only thing he/she knows to do. If she truly believes that she could manage if she just wasn't sick, then there are several options without a long-term rehab stay. (either maintenence with Methadone or Suboxone, or simply a good 4-day detox center and counseling.) Detox and counseling would be my first suggestion. But this didn't work for me, so you don't know until you try. Just be greatful that you know what's going on, and that it's not a secret that's being hid from you. That puts you a little ahead in my humble opinion. Best of luck to you both......KLM_81
This is what SUBUTEX is for.......I wonder if you could talk to her about Subutex or Suboxone. There is no more counting pills and you go 24 hours easy before you have to take more.
It seems to me that her situation is what Subs were created for.
PS: I could be wrong....just trying to help.
It seems to me that her situation is what Subs were created for.
PS: I could be wrong....just trying to help.
WOW, i``m sorry your going through all this, but you sound like such a strong man fighting to take care of your family. Today may be tough, but sticking to tough love and not giving in to her is what you need to do, which you are. Your wife needs some help, rehab, counselling, but it sounds like she does not want it. I hate sounding negative, but things will not get better until something changes. An addict will not quit till they are ready, but i believe there are things you can do to speed that up. Would you consider and intervention for her. these can help an addict get treatment and help and open their eyes. It dosen`t always work but i think worth a shot because she is not quitting on her own. Wishing you the best of luck, and again im sorry, this must be so frustrating
having her locked up has crossed my mind but i thought that might be difficult given that she buys the exact same pills as she is prescribed and transports them in her regular bottle, even if she were caught red handed with the pills there would be no reason to suspect she had bought them from a dealer rather than a pharmacy. the people she is buying from could also be a problem because they are all family members that sell alot of pills, she generally doesnt have much to do with that side of her family until she wants pills but the fact that they are family members gives her the perfect reason for visiting if she were caught leaving their houses.
i allready know im in for a bad day today, she crashed her car last night after falling asleep at the wheel (nothing serious but enough for her to say her back and neck were hurting) she only gets 4 pills today and 2moro to make up for those she is short and given the extra pain she is gonna be feeling today she is deffinatly gonna want more than 4, probably even more than 6 but shes not getting them. that might sound a little cruel expecially given that she did crash into a ditch last night but i did warn her that if she gets into them and then hurts her back even more through the month she will have no extra pills to take, she got in them at the start of the month so she is gonna have to take responsibility for that by being in pain all day.
god i feel like im raising another toddler, i allready have a 2 year old that i have to teach these basic things to, like if you eat all the candy now you will have none later, seems like i am also having to teach a 35 year old woman the same thing, strangly the 2 year old is picking these lessons up faster than my wife.
i allready know im in for a bad day today, she crashed her car last night after falling asleep at the wheel (nothing serious but enough for her to say her back and neck were hurting) she only gets 4 pills today and 2moro to make up for those she is short and given the extra pain she is gonna be feeling today she is deffinatly gonna want more than 4, probably even more than 6 but shes not getting them. that might sound a little cruel expecially given that she did crash into a ditch last night but i did warn her that if she gets into them and then hurts her back even more through the month she will have no extra pills to take, she got in them at the start of the month so she is gonna have to take responsibility for that by being in pain all day.
god i feel like im raising another toddler, i allready have a 2 year old that i have to teach these basic things to, like if you eat all the candy now you will have none later, seems like i am also having to teach a 35 year old woman the same thing, strangly the 2 year old is picking these lessons up faster than my wife.
Tin Man~
You're doing great. You're doing everything you can at the moment. I'm glad you have control over the bottle..........I don't know how long that's been for, and who will pick up her next script?
As for stress causing cravings for pills..............well, you smoke cigarettes, right? Does stress really cause you to have a nicotine fit, or does the drug in cigarettes call out to you in a stressful situation?
I do know that pills do make you feel better temporarily, and falsely. I used more when under difficult situations and dealing w/difficult people. Why? It numbed me.........and made me falsely feel happier.
Yes, tin man, the drug does have control. Right now it was take only a drastic scare to get her to stop...........by that, I mean, like jail...health.....then I'm not really sure of that. She has no fear of loosing you or the children, right?
Stay in touch.
You're doing great. You're doing everything you can at the moment. I'm glad you have control over the bottle..........I don't know how long that's been for, and who will pick up her next script?
As for stress causing cravings for pills..............well, you smoke cigarettes, right? Does stress really cause you to have a nicotine fit, or does the drug in cigarettes call out to you in a stressful situation?
I do know that pills do make you feel better temporarily, and falsely. I used more when under difficult situations and dealing w/difficult people. Why? It numbed me.........and made me falsely feel happier.
Yes, tin man, the drug does have control. Right now it was take only a drastic scare to get her to stop...........by that, I mean, like jail...health.....then I'm not really sure of that. She has no fear of loosing you or the children, right?
Stay in touch.
I forgot to add something. I know you said she would get mad that you were posting on here. Does she get on the computer much? If so, could you actually leave the site up so that when she sits down at the computer she will see it? I don't know if that would work, I just am trying to think of ways that will help.
Getting you to hold them for her is a great thing, IF SHE IS READY TO QUIT. Otherwise she is just going to guilt trip you into trying to feed her addiction. She is going to have to wake up and take responsibility for her addiction. I remember the he!! I gave my hubby when I wasn't ready to quit. I never bought my drugs off the street, but you may have to threaten her with turning her in. I know that sounds unreasonable, I mean who wants to call the cops on their spouse. Think of it this way, if she was abusing your children you would do it. Well, she is abusing herself and she need help. She is jeopardizing your marriage and your family by doing this. Maybe you could make arrangements with the cops to just scare her into rehab, I don't know. I do know that it is going to be hard on you and the children as long as she is using.
Since I stopped, I have seen such a wonderful change in my daughters. Everyone is in a good mood and they don't walk on eggshells around me. My hubby even told me that he doesn't worry every time his phone rings that it is someone telling him that something has happened to me.
I will be praying for you and your family. I hope things work out for the best.
Since I stopped, I have seen such a wonderful change in my daughters. Everyone is in a good mood and they don't walk on eggshells around me. My hubby even told me that he doesn't worry every time his phone rings that it is someone telling him that something has happened to me.
I will be praying for you and your family. I hope things work out for the best.
hi. theres not much you can do. i ws going through the same thing you are. but its the other way around its my husband. you had my life story.when i mean had i mean i put him in jail. but he beat me because he ran out of pills. so god told me to call 911 because he beat me more than one time. i knew it was his addiction so i had to save my kids from this mess. he would make me and my two baby boys to go with him to get pills off street. so i had to do something. i put him in jail. hes been in there since August 18, 2008 almost a month. he looks like a new man. he got saved. hes back himself again. but if i go back to him i could lose my kids for good. if you dont do something quick you might lose yours. i hate to say this but jail is the best thing you could do for u your wife and kids. do u want to lose them kids? of course not. jail is the best detox ever. she could live. my husband always complained about hurting too. but he had surgery on his back 7 months ago. the pain is gone. thats just an excuse to get pills to make me feel sorry for him and give in to him. put your foot down your the man of the house. do something now even if you think it bad. its really not. your saving her life marrage and kids! ask god for guidance.
hope what i say help you!
kimmy
hope what i say help you!
kimmy
yeah she works a manual labor job, cleaning mostly so i can totally understand why she would want them at night during work rather than in the day, i would have no problem with that if it werent for the abuse she puts me through trying to get more. i might be completely wrong in my assumptions but i just think if she could start spacing her doses out bit by bit and eventually get them to where they should be (every 4-6 hours) then she would feel much better through the day and i wouldnt have to listen to all the begging and then screaming for more.
i have never really been addicted to anything other than cigarettes so i really dont know what shes going through, best i can do is read read read everything i can find on the subject of opioid addiction. sadly tho nothing i can ever read can make me understand how a person could just give up everything they have and love for such a small pill. i guess she really knows i will never leave for the love of my children more than anything, (3 of them are not biologically mine) she knows if i left my only viable option would be to return to england and probably never see the 3 that dont belong to me, but at the same time she knows i wont back down when it comes to giving her the correct dose per day and none more, so far she only buys the pills when she runs out and hopefully my new tactic of locking them away and keeping the key on a chain around my neck will stop her from getting to them, that is until she tries to chain saw my head of to get to the key lol
anyway today was a pretty good day, she was in no pain today so i didnt have to endure the daily dose of verbal abuse, shes allready a few short from earlier this month so she has agreed to only take 4 on the weekends so they last her until the end of the month. should be fun 2moro when she gets the craving.
this may sound like im trying to make excusses for her but im not im just trying to understand a little more, does outside stress which is obviously magnified by the pain meds cause more of a craving? for example my wifes ex husband has been doing pretty badly with his child support over the last 6 months so we are really stuggling money wise (before she even hits up dealers for pills), could this stress cause her to want to munch pills, it seams like these recent problems caused by the pills started at around the time money got tight. if so maybe when we drag his deadbeat *** into court next week and the judge threatens him with jail time he might start paying and she might cheer up a little. she does say shes moody because of the money situation and i know the pills can make stress harder to deal with but i really dont know which way around the problem is, is she using the money thing as an excuss to be stressed and excuss her anger towards me? or is she truely stressed and craving more drugs because of this and therefore angry because the addiction has control and i wont let her get to the one thing she wants?
i have never really been addicted to anything other than cigarettes so i really dont know what shes going through, best i can do is read read read everything i can find on the subject of opioid addiction. sadly tho nothing i can ever read can make me understand how a person could just give up everything they have and love for such a small pill. i guess she really knows i will never leave for the love of my children more than anything, (3 of them are not biologically mine) she knows if i left my only viable option would be to return to england and probably never see the 3 that dont belong to me, but at the same time she knows i wont back down when it comes to giving her the correct dose per day and none more, so far she only buys the pills when she runs out and hopefully my new tactic of locking them away and keeping the key on a chain around my neck will stop her from getting to them, that is until she tries to chain saw my head of to get to the key lol
anyway today was a pretty good day, she was in no pain today so i didnt have to endure the daily dose of verbal abuse, shes allready a few short from earlier this month so she has agreed to only take 4 on the weekends so they last her until the end of the month. should be fun 2moro when she gets the craving.
this may sound like im trying to make excusses for her but im not im just trying to understand a little more, does outside stress which is obviously magnified by the pain meds cause more of a craving? for example my wifes ex husband has been doing pretty badly with his child support over the last 6 months so we are really stuggling money wise (before she even hits up dealers for pills), could this stress cause her to want to munch pills, it seams like these recent problems caused by the pills started at around the time money got tight. if so maybe when we drag his deadbeat *** into court next week and the judge threatens him with jail time he might start paying and she might cheer up a little. she does say shes moody because of the money situation and i know the pills can make stress harder to deal with but i really dont know which way around the problem is, is she using the money thing as an excuss to be stressed and excuss her anger towards me? or is she truely stressed and craving more drugs because of this and therefore angry because the addiction has control and i wont let her get to the one thing she wants?
Hi Tin Head,
I think I understand the deal w/taking pills at work.
Most people become addicted to painkillers because it gives you a tremendous amount of energy. Big time! It allows you to accomplish tasks beyond what you ever probably would without. Kind of like speed, but without the shakes.
Do you mind if I ask what kind of work she does? Sometimes we have to make a career change in life in order to hold a job. But it doesn't matter if she sits behind a desk answering phones, or has a job of hard labor. Painkillers make you very talkative, so phones are good, and they give your the strength w/energy to do hard labor. You just don't tire out as easily or quickly.
Tin Head, we're former addicts, and most of us had a painkiller addiction. I believe that every single person here will agree w/what I just wrote.
I'm not saying that she isn't in pain either. That how most of us got addicted. This is hard for someone to understand that has never experienced the high of opiates, but your body begins to feel more and more pain the longer you are addicted. If a person can manage to detox fully, then in about 3 weeks, in most cases, the pain can completely go away, or lessen dramatically to where plain ole tylenol works good.
If I were limited to 6 pills with my addiction, I too would wait and save them for work.
You are right about relating the anger to possible withdrawals too though. When you take pills for this long, you will start to feel edgy in less than 24 hours. That is not even close to full blown withdrawals.......that takes about 36 to 48 hours.
I hope you're getting the answers that you need here.
Best Wishes,
Pamela
I think I understand the deal w/taking pills at work.
Most people become addicted to painkillers because it gives you a tremendous amount of energy. Big time! It allows you to accomplish tasks beyond what you ever probably would without. Kind of like speed, but without the shakes.
Do you mind if I ask what kind of work she does? Sometimes we have to make a career change in life in order to hold a job. But it doesn't matter if she sits behind a desk answering phones, or has a job of hard labor. Painkillers make you very talkative, so phones are good, and they give your the strength w/energy to do hard labor. You just don't tire out as easily or quickly.
Tin Head, we're former addicts, and most of us had a painkiller addiction. I believe that every single person here will agree w/what I just wrote.
I'm not saying that she isn't in pain either. That how most of us got addicted. This is hard for someone to understand that has never experienced the high of opiates, but your body begins to feel more and more pain the longer you are addicted. If a person can manage to detox fully, then in about 3 weeks, in most cases, the pain can completely go away, or lessen dramatically to where plain ole tylenol works good.
If I were limited to 6 pills with my addiction, I too would wait and save them for work.
You are right about relating the anger to possible withdrawals too though. When you take pills for this long, you will start to feel edgy in less than 24 hours. That is not even close to full blown withdrawals.......that takes about 36 to 48 hours.
I hope you're getting the answers that you need here.
Best Wishes,
Pamela
thanks for all the comments, your words have helped me more than you could probably ever imagine, just kinda nice to know that im not the only person going through this.
so far this week she hasnt taken any extra pills other than her six a day but she is still getting angry at me on a daily basis for not giving her more, i have tho noticed a pattern emerging, she believes she needs the meds at work but not at home in order to combat the pain and allow her to get her job done, this meens she goes all day with nothing and then takes 6x5mg's between the hours of 5pm and 11pm. i am beggining to think that she is having withdrawel symptoms every single day and this is whats causing her anger and pain through the day before she goes to work. what i dont understand is why she is doing this to herself. she is home all day before going to work so i know she isnt heading out to buy extra but she is still claiming she needs them at work more than at home, i give her the 6 pills at around 2pm but she will not take even 1 until she gets to work, she would rather be in pain and scream at me hoping that i will take sympathy and give her a couple extra which i never do.
my plan of attack is to try and get her back to where she was 6 months ago to begin with. im gonna try and get her to start spreading the doses out wider and wider bit by bit until she is taking them throughout the day, if that works hopefully i can then get her to cut 1/4 of a pill out of each dose.
so far this week she hasnt taken any extra pills other than her six a day but she is still getting angry at me on a daily basis for not giving her more, i have tho noticed a pattern emerging, she believes she needs the meds at work but not at home in order to combat the pain and allow her to get her job done, this meens she goes all day with nothing and then takes 6x5mg's between the hours of 5pm and 11pm. i am beggining to think that she is having withdrawel symptoms every single day and this is whats causing her anger and pain through the day before she goes to work. what i dont understand is why she is doing this to herself. she is home all day before going to work so i know she isnt heading out to buy extra but she is still claiming she needs them at work more than at home, i give her the 6 pills at around 2pm but she will not take even 1 until she gets to work, she would rather be in pain and scream at me hoping that i will take sympathy and give her a couple extra which i never do.
my plan of attack is to try and get her back to where she was 6 months ago to begin with. im gonna try and get her to start spreading the doses out wider and wider bit by bit until she is taking them throughout the day, if that works hopefully i can then get her to cut 1/4 of a pill out of each dose.
Personal opinion, she is an addict that is using excuses because the drug not only relieves her back pain but also renders her unconsious for days and weeks at a time. You my friend are enabling her more than you are helping her. I know because I have been there just recently with my husband on Xanax. He was unable to control overdosing (8-10-15-20 etc..pills when the dosage is 3 per day max. He would then run out for weeks until the next prescription could be filled. He told me he could just take the prescribed dosage if I took control of the pills so he couldn't get to them (Scary thought to have a husband a parent that cannot parent himself. That in itself is a huge flag. i was parenting two kids a 4 year innocent son and a 53 year old grown man, which would you choose to take control of? I chose my son and let my husband flounder. he is off of the pills now but if he ever so much as takes one I am out the door and in fact it is already probably to late for us. I have become indifferent to his pain, his needs, his hurts, because I myself and our son have been hurting as well because of his addiction and who is taking care of us? You nor I can clear the path for our husbands and wives to make sure there are no pills anywhere in the country, not at a friends house, not accessible to them. This is an unreasonable and impossible task. I couldn't police the medication because it was
#1 Way to stressful
#2 When my husband said he was in more back pain he needed more pills, I cared so I gave them to him knowing it was a dead end road and a means to an end.
# 3 He would find them and the vicious cycle would start all over again, and the other problem is they have very little or no memory of the events, the chaos, the pain the have caused, but we remember every single minute of it.
I turned him in to his doctor after almost a year of suffering, he overdosed again on pills took our jeep out, tried to get us to go with him, hit a bridge doing 94 MPH rolled the truck 4 times down an imbankment and was air lifted to the hospital, they do not know how he survived. his doctor told me he will not drop him as a patient but will make him more accountable for his medication and will also get him off of the addictive drugs and onto something more sane. This is no life for any of us it us unfair and we deserve better. It all comes down to accountability and my husband and your wife are not making themselves accountable for there actions because they have had us to bail them out. NO MORE ENABLING HER PLEASE! (I am not yelling here everyone so please don't holler at me for using caps, just trying my hardest to get my point across). I saw the jeep Cherokee after the wreck and it looks like a compact car and if we had been with him, myself and my son would be dead. The child seat was in the front windshield from the impact and separated into two parts. My son would have been in or through the windshield. The roof was crushed so bad on the passenger side that I was told by the wrecker service that I would not have survived because I would have been killed by the roof crushing my head.
I told my husband the other that since he has started this drug binge since february that I have been putting him first and it is our son that needs to be put first.
Thanks for listening and I hope it helps
L
#1 Way to stressful
#2 When my husband said he was in more back pain he needed more pills, I cared so I gave them to him knowing it was a dead end road and a means to an end.
# 3 He would find them and the vicious cycle would start all over again, and the other problem is they have very little or no memory of the events, the chaos, the pain the have caused, but we remember every single minute of it.
I turned him in to his doctor after almost a year of suffering, he overdosed again on pills took our jeep out, tried to get us to go with him, hit a bridge doing 94 MPH rolled the truck 4 times down an imbankment and was air lifted to the hospital, they do not know how he survived. his doctor told me he will not drop him as a patient but will make him more accountable for his medication and will also get him off of the addictive drugs and onto something more sane. This is no life for any of us it us unfair and we deserve better. It all comes down to accountability and my husband and your wife are not making themselves accountable for there actions because they have had us to bail them out. NO MORE ENABLING HER PLEASE! (I am not yelling here everyone so please don't holler at me for using caps, just trying my hardest to get my point across). I saw the jeep Cherokee after the wreck and it looks like a compact car and if we had been with him, myself and my son would be dead. The child seat was in the front windshield from the impact and separated into two parts. My son would have been in or through the windshield. The roof was crushed so bad on the passenger side that I was told by the wrecker service that I would not have survived because I would have been killed by the roof crushing my head.
I told my husband the other that since he has started this drug binge since february that I have been putting him first and it is our son that needs to be put first.
Thanks for listening and I hope it helps
L
I am sorry you have to go through this.It is really heart wrenching when someone you love is a addict, and yes she has become an addict.I am sure she has used every excuse known to man, but when you really get to the bottom of the situation, she must have them at all costs.The sickness that comes from withdrawal is unbeareable, and her tolerance is growing by the day.I wouldn't be surprised if she has already used Oxycontin. The addiction just keeps growing.
Unfortunately, you either have to keep dealing with this or tell her to get help.I would not make empty threats, and it is definate that this has taken over her life.I will tell you that the pills have tricked her brain into thinking she is in more pain than she truly is.They work off of the brain receptors.Did you know that the pills don't even take away the pain?? They just trick the brain into thinking they do that.
I did allot of research on opiates when I became addicted.I am currently in a Suboxone treatment program for almost a year.You will hear allot about Suboxone- good and bad, but the truth is in your situation- even if your wife wanted to stop taking pills, it doesn't sound like she would do it cold turkey.You may want to look into it- it helped me a great deal, and I never want to touch painkillers again.They ruined my life.
I know you love her- and I know how frustrating this must be.I did that pill holding thing with my husband, but I just went and bought more.If I were you, I would just give them to her and tell her you won't be a part of her addiction anymore.She has made you responsible for her behavior, and will blame you as she has when things go wrong.You have become sick too because of her addiction.You both need help, it only gets worse.Go to www.suboxone.com , and get educated on other forms of treatment.If you wanna talk more, you can send me a private message.Things can get better, it just takes time and effort and allot of patience.
Unfortunately, you either have to keep dealing with this or tell her to get help.I would not make empty threats, and it is definate that this has taken over her life.I will tell you that the pills have tricked her brain into thinking she is in more pain than she truly is.They work off of the brain receptors.Did you know that the pills don't even take away the pain?? They just trick the brain into thinking they do that.
I did allot of research on opiates when I became addicted.I am currently in a Suboxone treatment program for almost a year.You will hear allot about Suboxone- good and bad, but the truth is in your situation- even if your wife wanted to stop taking pills, it doesn't sound like she would do it cold turkey.You may want to look into it- it helped me a great deal, and I never want to touch painkillers again.They ruined my life.
I know you love her- and I know how frustrating this must be.I did that pill holding thing with my husband, but I just went and bought more.If I were you, I would just give them to her and tell her you won't be a part of her addiction anymore.She has made you responsible for her behavior, and will blame you as she has when things go wrong.You have become sick too because of her addiction.You both need help, it only gets worse.Go to www.suboxone.com , and get educated on other forms of treatment.If you wanna talk more, you can send me a private message.Things can get better, it just takes time and effort and allot of patience.
You need to put the responsiblility of her addiction back on her. Remove her name from the checking account so she can't spend household money on drugs. Protect yourself and kids. Stop being the guard of her pills, it's a no-win situation with that. She has pulled you in as an accomplice to her addiction. Be there for her if she needs support to get clean, but let her own her addiction alone. Yes, it's a hard thing to do, but necessary.
I would try to get her on this forum, even if she screams about it first. Her curiosity may get the better of her and maybe she'll lurk and read. It's a start.
Good luck to you and her.
I would try to get her on this forum, even if she screams about it first. Her curiosity may get the better of her and maybe she'll lurk and read. It's a start.
Good luck to you and her.
What you are reading in the above posts makes a lot of sense. For the most part they are compassionate posts. There is no pity here. That is something that we do not hand out. The unfortunate truth is that she has to hit rock bottom in order to finally get a good look at herself. Anything you say whether threats, or whatever, are just words that she will not hear. She hears the words but the addiction has control and has made her deaf to anything anyone has to say. A complete addict is a tough nut to crack. Your wife, as you already know. can be very devious and extremely clever when it comes to feeding her addiction. From the sound of it you have to use drastic measures. At the same time do not give up on her, she needs you to be strong and unmovable. I know what I have just said is making you shudder and is sending a cold chill up your spine but you cannot let her slip through the cracks if there is the slightest hope. Go to an addiction center and tell them your story there is a possibility that someone there may have a possible solution. For your own sanity you have to use every means possible to get through to her. If it fails you have to decide what is best for you and your children and you have to to make a final decision no matter how hard it is.
hey tim i know you love your wife and she has a problem. a big problem! as a father of 6 i know the anger that comes with spending money that you shouldn't, it is whats driving me to get clean.. i hope you can help your wife but at some point the welfare of your kids comes first !!! not saying you should leave but you cant help her if she dose not want you to..... i wish you the best of luck
Hi there~
I'm glad you at the least have us to talk to. We do understand your situation. The sad part is that we can't help your wife, and only be support for you, but that's a real good thing for you right now.
There is nothing we can say to you that will help your wife. There's nothing you can say that will stop or help her either.
She doesn't want to stop pills. Even a threat from you as far as children, divorce or anything is not going to stop her until she is fed up with herself and tired of the ratrace it creates keeping up with a supply.
Tin Head, please stick around. I believe you need us badly for support and your sanity. I'm glad you somehow found this forum. There are several people here that have never had an addiction, but have family members or friends in trouble with it. If you read a lot of posts here you'll see that.
We welcome you.
Best Wishes,
Pamela
I'm glad you at the least have us to talk to. We do understand your situation. The sad part is that we can't help your wife, and only be support for you, but that's a real good thing for you right now.
There is nothing we can say to you that will help your wife. There's nothing you can say that will stop or help her either.
She doesn't want to stop pills. Even a threat from you as far as children, divorce or anything is not going to stop her until she is fed up with herself and tired of the ratrace it creates keeping up with a supply.
Tin Head, please stick around. I believe you need us badly for support and your sanity. I'm glad you somehow found this forum. There are several people here that have never had an addiction, but have family members or friends in trouble with it. If you read a lot of posts here you'll see that.
We welcome you.
Best Wishes,
Pamela
your situation reminds me of myself when i was in my addiction. i was just like her. the only difference is i never let anyone hide my pills from me. but when i was in my addiction i treated my kids father the exact same way. when he wouldnt give me money to buy the pills or wouldnt take me to go get sum my whole attitude would change. i would kick him out, curse him out , yell scream, i would tell him i hate him with a passion. so YEAH i've been there. i've cried the crocidile tears and promised i wouldnt use and as soon as he would leave or i got sum money i ran right to the pills. i didnt have anything to pond so i would return my kids toys and clothes and get the money. its sad to say but i did that. the pills were my everything. i cared about nothing but those pills. when i would run out i would get irretated by anything. if u spit wrong that would bother me. pills **** you up. they tear your family apart. but maybe she isnt ready too give them up. She has to be ready. she has to want to do it and she has to do it for herself nobody else. i couldnt go cold turkey i had to go to a detox center. i tried to do it on my own but i couldnt it was to hard the withdrawls were unbearable.try talkin to her about going to detox. one more thing she will continue to use the GUILT trip on you so u can give her the pills. Wish your Wife and Your family all the luck.
I am truly sorry for what you are going through. The hardest part is knowing that there is probably not anything you can do for her until she decides she truly wants to quit. Then all you can do is be there to support her. My boyfriend did the same thing to me.. I was taking pills all the time, many different kinds. We had to move my pills to the kitchen cupboard because there got to be so many bottles that they wouldn't fit anywhere else. If my boyfriend told me I couldn't have a pill I too would go nuts and also say hurtful things. It wasn't until I quit and was able to think clearly when I really felt like a horrible person and saw what I almost lost. I really hope that she comes to terms with her addiction and starts to help herself, if not for your sake and your childrens sake... for her sake. You may need to put her in an emergency detox and force her into rehab, it could save her life if its getting to the point of prostitution which is very very dangerous. I wish you the best of luck, and please keep posting and give us some updates
I AM NOT FAR OFF FROM THE WAY YOUR WIFE IS I DO THE SAME TO MY WIFE AND SPEND OUR MONEY ON PILLS ALL THE TIME I HAVE TRIED AND TRIED TO GET OFF OF THESE THINGS BUT I SWEAR THEY ARE THE WORST THINGS TO GET OFF OF ITS LIKE WE LOVE THEM AND HATE THEM AT THE SAME TIME. I GET OFF THEM AND GET RIGHT BACK ON THEM . I ASK MY WIFE TO HIDE THEM THEN I FIND THEM AND TAKE ALL OF THEM AND LIE TO HER. SOUNDS LIKE ME AND YOUR WIFE NEED ALOT OF HELP.
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