Aa
triggers
Hi all,
As i am approaching my 70 days clean, i am getting those awful thoughts about using:( I made it 70 days last time and relapsed, i am NOT going down that road again but i am just scared as people say that relapse is in your mind first before it actually happens and its in my freaking mind. WHY? Life is good, yes, family BS, but honestly for the most part everything is good and hear i am wanting to get high. I am thinking about the high, i miss it, and i HATE that these words are actually coming out of my mouth. All the he// i went through between rehab and my family i couldn't do that to myself or them again and yet my mind is trying to figure out a way to use just once. I know there is no just once i learned that the hard way, but why i am thinking like this? I am not liking this one bit:( Calling the shrink tomorrow to see if she can squeeze me in, if not i see her on tuesday. As soon i thought i was in the clear, bam, my brain is just wanting pills. Does this ever go away, or is this a life long battle? I just wanted to share because actually i am scared:(
As i am approaching my 70 days clean, i am getting those awful thoughts about using:( I made it 70 days last time and relapsed, i am NOT going down that road again but i am just scared as people say that relapse is in your mind first before it actually happens and its in my freaking mind. WHY? Life is good, yes, family BS, but honestly for the most part everything is good and hear i am wanting to get high. I am thinking about the high, i miss it, and i HATE that these words are actually coming out of my mouth. All the he// i went through between rehab and my family i couldn't do that to myself or them again and yet my mind is trying to figure out a way to use just once. I know there is no just once i learned that the hard way, but why i am thinking like this? I am not liking this one bit:( Calling the shrink tomorrow to see if she can squeeze me in, if not i see her on tuesday. As soon i thought i was in the clear, bam, my brain is just wanting pills. Does this ever go away, or is this a life long battle? I just wanted to share because actually i am scared:(
Best Answer
i dont know if it ever goes away, but something i heard once really stuck in my mind "I would rather be an ex-user with the occasional thought of using then a user obsessed with quitting." It went something like that anyways. And it's true. Tell that devil whispering lies in your ear to shut the F up! You are doing too good to turn back now:)
COMMUNITY LEADER
You will find many times that when life is good the cravings will come. That is why we always have our GUARD UP! Get yourself busy, turn up the music and dance like noone is watching. You got this girl~~
Hi sweetie, look at you 10 days clean and a wealth of knowledge!!! You rock! I too went to a hypno and she was great, i did the same thing as you, imagining the face, actually when i was in my darkest days of addiction i actually started to hallucinate and saw an image of me in the mirror and it was skeleton like, SCARY for sure, that was one of the many wake up calls i had! I do not go to hypno any more as i did that in rehab but i did love it! I am proud of me, and you too. The one thing i learned in rehab that truly stuck with me is that YES your right its our minds F ing with us, and only we can control it not the darn pill. Good thing i am a control freak....LMAO Guess what girl?? WE ARE IN CONTROL!!!!!
Dane,
I'm only 10 days into recovery. 70 days seems like such a major and awesome accomplishment to me. Does it to you? Are you proud of you? I'm hope you are right here at my 70 day mark to tell me you are proud of me. I want to hear that.
I'm not to the point you are where the devil side of the brain messes with you. I'm so early in my journey, I'm still dealing with the physical crap. But I do know this. The day I quit I went to my therapist (yay for you doing this) who is also a hypnotist. She had me give my addiction a face. A real live face. I see it as a I type this. She had me bring it right into my mind and brain with my eyes closed. He is red and Satan-like. She had me relax and bring a new picture into my head. A time in my life when I wasn't on pills and was happy, free and strong of mind and body. Surprisingly that picture popped right up. We repeated a process over and over and over where I would bring the face of addiction up and like a slow movie the picture of me would replace it. Open eyes. Deep breaths..again. I still do it. After I repeat the mantra I AM FREE OF ALL ADDICTIONS AND PAIN. Deep breathing. Eyes closed.
Your subconscious mind is F'ing with you. As is your conscious mind. They are very different. The addiction takes control of both.
I would think a great mantra would be..I'm SEVENTY days free of all addictions and pain. I embrace the chance to be EIGHTY days free of all addictions and pain.
I'm a newbie to this journey. However the one thing I've learned from you, my therapist and myself is we control our minds. Not drugs. Unless we let them. Is that what you want?
I'm only 10 days into recovery. 70 days seems like such a major and awesome accomplishment to me. Does it to you? Are you proud of you? I'm hope you are right here at my 70 day mark to tell me you are proud of me. I want to hear that.
I'm not to the point you are where the devil side of the brain messes with you. I'm so early in my journey, I'm still dealing with the physical crap. But I do know this. The day I quit I went to my therapist (yay for you doing this) who is also a hypnotist. She had me give my addiction a face. A real live face. I see it as a I type this. She had me bring it right into my mind and brain with my eyes closed. He is red and Satan-like. She had me relax and bring a new picture into my head. A time in my life when I wasn't on pills and was happy, free and strong of mind and body. Surprisingly that picture popped right up. We repeated a process over and over and over where I would bring the face of addiction up and like a slow movie the picture of me would replace it. Open eyes. Deep breaths..again. I still do it. After I repeat the mantra I AM FREE OF ALL ADDICTIONS AND PAIN. Deep breathing. Eyes closed.
Your subconscious mind is F'ing with you. As is your conscious mind. They are very different. The addiction takes control of both.
I would think a great mantra would be..I'm SEVENTY days free of all addictions and pain. I embrace the chance to be EIGHTY days free of all addictions and pain.
I'm a newbie to this journey. However the one thing I've learned from you, my therapist and myself is we control our minds. Not drugs. Unless we let them. Is that what you want?
Thank you all for reaching out to me!!! akitgurl, you nailed it on the head, i did yell at that devil in my ear! @CATUF, thanks for all the info, i really do not know anything about PAWS but i will for sure look into it now, thank you:) As for talking about it, first i came here, knowing i will get great advice and next step informing myself of PAWS, and off to the shrink tomorrow. I know i can do this i made it this far, just getting scared, but informing myself of this is what i need to do as well. Thank you all for all the insight. Today is a new day and another day clean so i know i have to hold my clean time close and just reach out when i need it.
Blessings to all
Blessings to all
Dane, I know everyone is different, but I think it wasn't until I hit 90 days, that I felt I could resist cravings easier. I still have them, but they go away pretty fast now. All I can say, is stay strong (easier said than done) and know I am rooting for you! You got some good comments here and I hope you can continue to battle this with the strength you used to quit!
Read about PAWS
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
it went away completely for me and i now can't remember the last time i had a real craving or serious thoughts of using.
but PAWS did hit me every 30 to 45 days during the first 18 months of recovery. there would be a bad 2 or 3 days, where it FELT like i had hit a brick wall and couldn't go on, that i really NEEDED to use (just a little)
but this last time (along with a lot of other things in my recovery toolbelt), i knew about and was prepared for PAWS. although it FELT like the beginning of the end, i knew that i would be ok and viewed it instead as the beast of my addiction being pushed (kicking and screaming, but pushed) a little farther from my heart . . . the addiction letting go a little bit more, but not wanting to . . . another mile-marker that said i was another month (or so) down the road to the safety of SUSTAINED RECOVERY (which is where i wanted to be).
the other time the same symptoms hit were a) at dates that were significant to my using, especially the falling-apart-end of my using and b) when i was confronted with PEOPLE, PLACES or THINGS associated with my using.
regardless of when or why, i had to do the same things. first, i had to talk about it --- it is essential to not keep secrets and to always TELL ON YOUR DISEASE. the beast thrives and grows stronger in secret (it lives on secrets and lies), it shrivels and dies in the light of Honesty, Openness and Willingness (that's HOW we recover). second, i had to beef up my recovery program . . . for me that meant extra meetings (AA) and talking to my Sponsor. third, i had to pay attention to the basics (which i tend to forget), making absolutely sure that i was eating (a healthy, junk-free diet), drinking water, not isolating, resting, getting exercise, etc. (the rule is i must HALT if i get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired). fourth, i made sure that no matter what, i made it to bed that night without using.
oh yeah, i had to pray about. ask for help to stay clean in the morning and say thank you at the end of the day. that was tough for me, because i didn't believe in anything to pray to. but the people who had the recovery i wanted said "pray anyway" and i was desperate enough to do anything that time, even things that didn't make sense to me. and they were right - it did work. it still does.
don't change your clean date.
CATUF
2539
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
it went away completely for me and i now can't remember the last time i had a real craving or serious thoughts of using.
but PAWS did hit me every 30 to 45 days during the first 18 months of recovery. there would be a bad 2 or 3 days, where it FELT like i had hit a brick wall and couldn't go on, that i really NEEDED to use (just a little)
but this last time (along with a lot of other things in my recovery toolbelt), i knew about and was prepared for PAWS. although it FELT like the beginning of the end, i knew that i would be ok and viewed it instead as the beast of my addiction being pushed (kicking and screaming, but pushed) a little farther from my heart . . . the addiction letting go a little bit more, but not wanting to . . . another mile-marker that said i was another month (or so) down the road to the safety of SUSTAINED RECOVERY (which is where i wanted to be).
the other time the same symptoms hit were a) at dates that were significant to my using, especially the falling-apart-end of my using and b) when i was confronted with PEOPLE, PLACES or THINGS associated with my using.
regardless of when or why, i had to do the same things. first, i had to talk about it --- it is essential to not keep secrets and to always TELL ON YOUR DISEASE. the beast thrives and grows stronger in secret (it lives on secrets and lies), it shrivels and dies in the light of Honesty, Openness and Willingness (that's HOW we recover). second, i had to beef up my recovery program . . . for me that meant extra meetings (AA) and talking to my Sponsor. third, i had to pay attention to the basics (which i tend to forget), making absolutely sure that i was eating (a healthy, junk-free diet), drinking water, not isolating, resting, getting exercise, etc. (the rule is i must HALT if i get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired). fourth, i made sure that no matter what, i made it to bed that night without using.
oh yeah, i had to pray about. ask for help to stay clean in the morning and say thank you at the end of the day. that was tough for me, because i didn't believe in anything to pray to. but the people who had the recovery i wanted said "pray anyway" and i was desperate enough to do anything that time, even things that didn't make sense to me. and they were right - it did work. it still does.
don't change your clean date.
CATUF
2539
70 days is awesome. Be proud of yourself.
Although we are all different, I think that for most of us the craving/temptation never goes away. The longer you're clean, the easier it is to deal with. At 70 days you're far enough away from the days of detox hell to forget what it was really like. Also, it sounds like you are able to access pills; if that is true, then the odds are against you staying clean. You have to make it hard to get meds; whatever it takes. Good luck.
Although we are all different, I think that for most of us the craving/temptation never goes away. The longer you're clean, the easier it is to deal with. At 70 days you're far enough away from the days of detox hell to forget what it was really like. Also, it sounds like you are able to access pills; if that is true, then the odds are against you staying clean. You have to make it hard to get meds; whatever it takes. Good luck.
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