Have you considered going back to a pain clinic for help? That's what I'm doing. At least medically you'll know you're doing the doseage amounts correctly. I'm trying to get off fenanyl 50mg patches that I've been on 3 or 4 years. Dr. cut me down to 25mg. gave me Meloxicam 15mg once a day. Just picked up all the meds start the new patch tomorrow--good luck, let us know how you're doing--we do care :)
I'm tapering through my doctor, he told me to stray on same those for two days at time, we can not give you medical advice as we are not doctors. But Kyle is right sooner of later we are going to have yo face the demons. Maybe you can try NA? Good luck prayers sent your way. I'm on this journey myself . I am scared of what's to come but I know I have to face it. This is a great site for support.
A couple of things - and remember, since we're all different, these "facts" are presented in general terms.
First, having a source, buying off the street, is very counter productive. No matter if you taper or go CT, at some point your head will start talking to you, pushing you to use, and if you have a source the odds are stacked against you. And it doesn't end there. IF you make it through the physical part of withdrawal, you will still probably relapse - maybe not right away, but in a month or six months, etc. Your head - the mental side of the battle - is very powerful, and it will continue to push you especially knowing that you can get meds. You have to cut your sources, put up roadblocks, but buying on the street makes that difficult.
Second, most of us aren't able to taper without help. We (the folks on this forum) can't suggest a taper schedule, so that's something that you'll have to decide on. Once you've made that decision, then you will need a trusted person to help you. Someone who can give you the pills, per the plan, and then hide them. Tapering, in my opinion, is a bit easier on the body but it prolongs the mental games.
Finally, I can't offer a lot of advice about all that can help with detox. I drank Ensure when I couldn't eat, drank liquids with electrolytes added, and then, when my appetite came back, I ate like a pig. Fueling your body is very important during withdrawal. I used, off and on, for over 15 years. I've been clean for over two years; my last detox was hell, but only lasted about (the worst part) five days. I struggle with the mental side of recovery, and I will for life.
I wish you all the best. Bottom line - get rid of your sources.
K