update/info on addiction

[Ariel0894]

First week of tapering pretty much completed, not perfect, was supposed to stay at 30mg oxycodone per day, there were a couple of times I went to 35mg mostly in the middle of the night when I would wake up uncomfortable.  I know a couple of folks said I was tapering too fast down from 45mg but I didn't want to backtrack too much when I already had a few days under my belt.  Anyway, slowing taper from here, next drop tomorrow.  

I just had kind of a general question if anyone can direct me to any good websites or resources that might explain addiction to me a little better.  I know that I'm an addict, but I am very ignorant about the nature of addiction itself.

This is all stemming from a lot of frustration I'm feeling today thinking about things I have done and lengths I have gone to get these pills.  Horrible, awful things that I would never do in a million years.  Hearing lots of lots of similar stories, it seems most addicts have this in common.

So I'm just kind of wanting more information on what exactly addiction is and what on earth about it causes us to become these unrecognizable monsters.  It's like, you do these terrible things that you'd never do under normal circumstances, without question, without even one moment's hesitation.  Then the shame afterwards is unbearable, but you just repeat the cycle anyways.  Or at least that was the case for me.  Anyway, I'm going to poke around online myself but just didn't know if anyone knew of any reputable sites that might explain this to me.

[new_around_here]

<3

[Ariel0894]

Awesome, I am definitely going to check out these links.  Thank you!!!

[Jinx_777]

in simple terms......
we have opiate receptors throughout our body.  stomach, intestines, brain.
NORMALLY, when we have pain or joy our body creates dopamine and it floods our opiate receptors making us feel better.
when we take opiates, they fill the receptors and our body doesn't create our 'feel good' chemicals anymore.  with opiates more receptors are created and flooded.  
when we stop taking opiates, all those receptors are bare and screaming to be filled.  it takes our body time to generate the chemical itself again.  
that is why we feel sick, why we crave, etc
most importantly, that is why we become addicts.  
this is just a layman's attempt to explain it as simple as possible

[jugglin]

Congrats to you for making it this far along!  Be proud of yourself.  There are some wonderful folks on here who have journaled about addiction.  One in particular is ActingBrandNew.  Great information in his journals that you might take the time to read.  I tried copying and pasting the link to his journal thread for you:
http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/index/4113881?personal_page_id=2874373
Or, you can click on him to get there as well (he posts the monthly roll call thread).
There are others as well.  Also, great advice above to seek out info thru NA support.  I found that reading AA's Big Book gave me great insight to my addict personality and even though it was written years ago (updated some) it is still totally relatable.
Love that you are wanting to seek out solid info - the more we know, the more we invest, the better chance of success!
Prayers out to you!

[new_around_here]

http://na-recovery.org/
I had from t-10 to my ilium fused in 2012 and got off the oxy and such after only 3 months even though I still needed them badly, because I was already aware of the addictive nature of my personality due to a previous addiction to one of the most hardcore street drugs ever invented by some [psychopath. Just stop. It really is that simple. I did this hardcore drug every weekend for a year then stayed sick during the weekdays. So very sick always. I had to lose someone close to me for it to rattle me awake. They died and I had to rethink my life choices. You can do it!!! Have faith in you! Hope this link will help you. Good people get addicted to pain pills, too. After all, the doctors prescribe them and they are quite enjoyable. If they make you do bad things, then by all means, just kick em to the curb and don't look back. I didn't have to go to meetings to know I had to change, but maybe meetings can help you help yourself? I believe in you. If no one else ever tells you that, I just did. You can do it. Trust me.