update: trying to kill sub demons and need help!

[bettermomma]

I just wanted to tell everyone, that has helped me through this trying time, thank you... without this forum and the support of a few very select and trusted family members and friends. I have been 13 days clean today, and my w/d symptoms aren't as bad as I first felt. Everyday that I'm clean, is another day, that I choose to be a better mother, wife, daughter, and most importantly a better person all together. I never properly told my story about how I came to be an addict, so here it is:
From about the time I was 14 I remember being on stimulants such as adderall or ephedrine, but up until I had my kids at 17 and 19, it seemed to be enough. It wasn't until I was about 20 that things started to escalate. See I was 150 lbs when I got pregnant, and gained 75 lbs all together, my pain was bad from back labor but I told the dr that it was excruciating so that he would prescribe something to get me high. Needless to say, after about a year and half, I had to have a tubal ligation, because of complications. That's when my opiate addiction really progressed into something out of control, But I realize now that I was never in control to begin with. About 2 yrs ago is when I first started suboxone and subeutex, they weren't something that I started and repeated daily. It was only on occasion that used these drugs but I did so IV. Worded mistake ever! Anyhow, I had been using subs IV style, for about a year, continuously to get high. It wasn't until I took a good look ay myself, and realized how much I have compared to the things I've lost and my gain out weighs the cost. I'm not a better person, and I have really noticed a change in myself for the better. For people with this addiction, I'd like to say that there is some normality after addiction, and it may take time for your body to recover, but it will, and it does reward you for your efforts. If there are any questions from anyone, just let me know. Thanks for all the support!

[bettermomma]

Thanks bama88, people that haven't been through something like, don't understand the mental aspect of it all. That's one of the many reason's that I love this forum! There's so much support and great advice here! I just wish that the people getting high right now, actually knew about how great it feels to be able to reclaim, the person who use to be... I'll be the first to admit, I am who I am because I chose me over my addition, and it feels good!

[bama88]

You go girl..... I'm so proud of you..... it gets so much easier. I am over twenty clean days..... I am sending you big hugs. And yes you are a  better person. Don't ever say your not. I know I am. I understand this better. I'm twenty two days clean. Claim yourself back.