update:)

[cruz214]

Hi everyone! It's been a long time since being here. I am still clean from heroin! :) A year! My son is now 10 months old and keeps me going every day. I just left his dad though and I guess the emotional feelings im having is kind of putting thoughts of going back. I know I don't want to but I guess what I miss is the feeling of no emotions. Honestly my son does keep me busy and work does too but I guess it's the times when my son is asleep and I start thinking of heroin. I hate it but I cant control it. It also hurts that his dad is going to be out there having fun and I'm being the responsible one. I don't mind it but it just gets me angry. I even think of taking Tylenol just so I can feel something different. I don't want to relapse but I guess I'm scared I will..

[promise2bereal]

You're last sentence is telling, which if I was to guess is why you're here. Although I'm not familiar with your story, I'm fairly certain that getting away from heroin wasn't easy, but somehow you did it.

Here's my advice.  Remember what and where your addiction brought you, as in waking up and having your day revolve around chasing your dope, literally. The pain not having it brought along with the worry and fear of not finding it in time. What I'm trying to get across to you is to visualize, recall the negative, all of it because that's what awaits you if you turn back. Do you think you could have anyone depend on you in such a state? I think you see where I'm going right? Also don't get "out of the moment". Try not to drift off in thought-read, do something on the computer, anything, but slow your mind down.

Other's having "fun"; really????? Do you really recall those times as fun? (people on dope aren't having fun Cruz) Sometimes it's consciously telling yourself with that inner voice to recall things the way they really were-being real with yourself. Think about the battle you went through, the sickness, the pain, all that crazy stuff that you felt physically and emotionally as your body adapted to life w/o dope. Do you really want to chance going through that again? Think about all of it and ask yourself those things, b/c that's what awaits.

Look something there's something about you and your makeup that prevented you from becoming a statistic. You've gotten on top of one of the hardest addictions there is to overcome AND you've put quite a bit of time b/w then and now. The odds were against that but you're a fighter, evidently. We all have temptation, but if you slow your thinking down at those moments and recall why you quit in the first place (and reflect on the beauty you've found since) I think you'll be o.k. Don't be impulsive Cruz. You got this. Keep us posted and if  dumb **** starts creeping in your head, come back and post. Peace/Love

[ThePhoenix75]

I agree with everyone's posts here.  You have done awesome, and you don't want yo go back.  I am trying to taper off fentanyl and it is miserable.  I woke up this morning to a drenched t shirt, cold sweats, nausea and GI issues, everything aching--- do you ever want to go through that again?

Hang in there and stay strong!

[Whollymolythathurt]

I like Takings point of view...it's obvious you have grown up and are moving on to new "highs"...your son!  Hopefully his dad will someday but until then that little guy needs you sober.

Congrats on a year.  That's great!

Do you actually feel something on Tylenol?  

[ROSYouralright]

You are doing good!! Cravings will come and go!! The important thing is NO USING NO MATTER WHAT!!!

[ActingBrandNew]

Good job!!

[takingmylifeback2014]

Hi Cruz,
Look at that Beautiful babay and DO IT FOR HIM!!!! If Dad is out getting high honestly screw him, because he is the one missing out of being a good dad for that baby! I have a 2 yr old and everytime I look at him its like a get a slap in the face that I need to stay on the right path for myself and for him. He needs you SOBER!!!!
I hope these feelings pass for you soon! XOXO Keep posting ppl on here are awesome and will help you!