Just a little story

[neverb4addicted]

I had sent this to a couple of you awesome people that I chat with then it was alittle interesting so thought i would post it for some other to read..Proud to say I have an awesome husband that is behind me......Kind of an intersting story..It has been kind of an up and down day today..one hour I was feeling really positive and felt good and the next hour I was sweating to no end and leg were jittering all over the place..I am going to stick with the flexerol and lorazapam since it really did work lastnight..I only hesitated on it before because I did not want to replace these pills with those pills..I am sure you know what I mean..I am looking for the day when there is NO pills at all..My hubby is still giving me the pills when I need them and isnt questioning or judging me either..He does ask what we are up to for mg's so far for the day so I started writting it down so he can see...HERE IS WHERE MY DAY GOT REALLY INTENSE..I had one point this afternoon when I was going through my purse that was a little difficult because I found in the bottom my travel container which of course when your taking that many pills you always take some whereever you go..In it there were about 15 perks and a few IR's...I sat and stared at it on the table for a very long time..picked it up prob five times and thought about taking more..then I would remember how I felt that first drop when I went from 200mg down to 50mg... It was horrible..so I basicly scared the **** out of myself into NOT taking them..then he came home and I handed them over without honestly truly taking any out of it..it was hard..prob the hardest part so far since I had forgot they were there..and of course that was on one of the bad hours of the day I was having when I found them..he was sooo proud of me it made me even prouder that I didnt touch them.MIND YOU HE HAS SEARCHED EVERYWHERE NOW TO MAKE SURE THERE ARENT ANYMORE LERKING AROUND LOL.says he doesnt want it any harder on me then it has to be already....Right now I am still only at 40mg for the whole day..I know the other 10mg is there if I need to take it but I am trying not too..I was beating myself up today when talking with my hubby vowing how mad I was that I wanted a drop from the 50mg again today and then he spoke up and said ..slow down..50mg is 150 less that you were two days ago so it isnt bad if you have to stay at 50 for a day or two..he is my rock as I am sure you can tell..always has been ..I wish everyone could have someone to support them like I do..It doesnt make it to be a piece of cake but makes it easier..The sweats today are coming and going..its irrating..one min fine next min dripping sweat but that comes with getting to the goal I guess..I am a cig smoker and I bet you I have smoked enough for five people but one issue at a time..thats prob my sanity at the moment..I have not had the runs yet but sure that will come...mainly the legs hurting and crawling off and on and the shakes with the sweats like crazy are my main issue's..so thats my update..I will just keep trying to tell myself like he said that 50mg isnt so bad as he is really worried I will be very very upset if I cannot manage to not take that other 10mg..Glad though that one more day has passed because that mean one day closer to the end of this..I wish I knew this is what these pills could create back five years or more ago when I started all this..bet we all wish that though...Anything else I can do to get rid of these sweats...other than just sweating it out..lol  ..figured I throw that in b4 someone makes a funny..amazing I found my sense of humour for the first time in three day..thanks for listening..

[scaredmom330]

I'm with Bandmom...Good for you, you are on the road to recovery, today was a test that you proved you didnt need them...stay with it, you'll make it and just take one day at a time. try hot baths for your legs will help calm them down..

[bandnmom]

That is great what u did today! You should be extremely proud of yourself. That takes alot of strenght and determination what you did! You are definetly on track there girl!! Keep up the good work!!

[wanttobeclean]

You have done great!  That shows how committed you are to this journey.  Way to go and keep it up.  Have a good night!

[neverb4addicted]

Thanks girly...you are prob right..it prob was that crossing the tracks moment..time will tell..God must be with me on this journey or I dont think I'd be managing it..has to be higher power involved in this one or I'd be eating pills still I would think..Best of luck to you as well..

[girly44]

I was so glad to hear your story. Good, Good for you, I know turning those pills over was a very hard decision, but I truly feel, you one day will look back and said at that moment you crossed the tracks. May God continue to be with you on this journey and us all. God Bless!