when does the panic end?

[peaceinknowing]

I've been over 70 days sober from Percocet and I still have panic attacks. I was scared to go to any doctor about this, in fear that I'd be called a "pill seeker" or looked/frowned down upon because of my past actions when it came to getting pain killers, whether it was for legitament pain or just to get me through the next couple of weeks.

I finally made the move in my life where I sought out a new PCP and told her everything. She sat there with me for well over 45 minutes and completely understood where I was coming from, as she has seen this with other patients of hers, apparently. I felt so wonderful when I stepped out her office. I told her about the panic attacks and constant thoughts racing through my mind now that I've stopped taking the pills all together. I also mentioned to her about my fear of medications. For some reason, I have a fear of medicine when it comes to something that I've never taken before in my entire life -- this she understood as well. She has started me on something called Klonopin, but I haven't gotten it filled yet. She told me to take it ONLY when I start feeling really antsy. She told me that this was habit-forming, so to be careful with it...this is the reason I have yet to get it filled, and it has been over 72 hours since I went to see the new doctor.

Is anyone else out there scared to take medications now that we've battled addiction, or are in the process of doing so? And, are there any other options for me when it comes to panicking like I have been every now and then and feeling antsy other than taking another medication?

[Jacqui805]

I think withdrawal is traumatizing.  I am scared of alot now because of it.  I think it's only natural.  I think it's your brain's way of tryin' to keep you safe.  Unfortunately, sometimes the brain and body work in overkill and defeat their own purpose too.  The trick is to know when to be cautious and proceed and when to turn tail and run.  
I'm so glad you were able to get all of your history off of your chest with your new doctor.  That's HUGE.  HUGE.  I'm not entirely sure what I'd do in your instance, but IF I were to take the Klonopin, I think I'd make an appt. with her once a week or something, and tell every trusted soul I knew, what was going on and to keep an eye out for me.  
There's no way you can take it if you're not going to be honest with yourself or anyone else.  Only you can know that.  
Your reasons for taking the medication have GOT to outweigh any possible side effects from taking it or stopping it.  If it were me, my anxiety would have to completely limit me from daily life and I'd have to know it was not going to end anytime soon.  What DID your doctor say about that anyway?  Did she offer any ideas as to when it might lighten up for you?  When I came off of Fentanyl, my anxiety was severe that severity lasted for around 6 months give or take.  Just having come off of Tramadol however, my anxiety is already mild and not constant.  I think the severity and duration of it all entirely depends on what you took, the strength of that drug, and the length of time you took it.  It is so hard to pin down.  Hopefully, someone with a personal experience with Percocet will be able to help you more.
I wish you well.

[ginsa]

I know where you are coming from. Your Dr. is very compassionate to have rx'd you klonopin. It is a benzo with a relatively long half life. It is very addictive as well. There's no shame in using a substance like this to get you through the first few days/weeks of withdrawl, but be very careful with this stuff. There's a fine line between feeling "very antzy" and wanting to avoid the normal discomfort of withdrawl.

I'm saying this coming from having detoxed from both opiates and benzos at the same time. Using a benzo wasn't an option for me during withdrawl. Be very very careful! There are altrenatives to benzos. Visteril and Neurontin to name a couple.

I know that he anxiety is almost crippling, but it will get better. I'm, at 148 days and still have anxiety issues, but that is changing. All things do change. Just be very careful and keep your goal of being clean as the ultimate prize. I know you know what I'm talkin' about!

All the best...
gins

[peaceinknowing]

Thanks so much for the kind words and your response. It's always nice to know that you're not alone when it comes to the panic/anxiety aspect of everything; Especially when it comes to the aftermath of WD'ing from pain killers.

My doctor said that the medication would be safe for me to take, even with my given history. She thoroughly read all of my medical records that were sent to her and she wasn't pleased with the way I was treated in the past by my old PCP when it came to getting down to the nitty gritty of WHY I was in so much pain all the time, etc. She stated that she didn't see me as an addict, but someone who had become dependant. I kept telling her over and over again that I knew I was an addict -- but proudly enough, a recovering one as of 70 something days ago.. HEHE!

The thing about my anxiety, is that it has basically come to my limit marker that I've set for myself. The littlest of things will make my heart start to race and it makes me feel like I'm having a heart attack. And of course, thinking to myself that I am having a heart attack makes the "panic attack" progress and become worse. It gets to the point where I can't breath and I pace all around my apartment. The panic attacks never happen when someone else is around though, and I let her know about this as well. It's almost as though I feel that much more comfortable when there's another person around me at some point and time. My husband isn't home throughout the day because of his work, but at nights the panic attacks don't really come up, when he is here. I hope this makes sense.

Good luck to you, and I hope that things get better for you as well!

[peaceinknowing]

Thanks for the words of advice. Like I saie before, I still have yet to go get the script filled. I think it'll sit at the pharmacy or just get cancelled. I'm over 70 days sober, but yes...the panic attacks are getting to the point of being crippling. I honestly don't think I am still detoxing physically, but I could be wrong? I sleep [VERY VERY VERY] well at nights, and no longer have the "runs" or tummy cramps, etc.

[Jacqui805]

I completely understand.  It is a tough call to make though of course, as ginsa pointed out.  The trouble for me, is that I could easily see myself finding a reason to take it.  It would take away my reason to fight against that anxiety on my own.  Know what I mean?  Like...hmm....if you have anxiety daily, all day long, at what point are you going to say it's time to take that Klonopin?  At what point will you say you've fought against it enough today?  For me, I'm afraid that if I had it in the house, I'd take that Klonopin.  Anxiety is no joke, as you know, and ending it is THE goal when you have it....ALWAYS.  If you knew there is a fix to end it quickly, hmmm, would you always take it.  
I hope I'm not sounding like a d*ck here.  I'm just trying to play devil's advocate a little with you.  There is a good reason that medication exists, and a good reason to take it.  I just can't be the one to tell you what to do here.  It sure is a tough call.  
That anxious, crawling out of your own skin feeling is AWFUL.  It is THE worst thing to feel in my opinion.  It can be so vicious, telling your brain to keep on it and then the thoughts just start to roll....I have found with my own anxiety, that I had to keep my mind from saying in my own head, that I was feeling anxious...if that makes sense.  I could not formally recognize it without it being absolute panic.  It is SO important to try to re-focus on something else.  I would be a liar to say that's always possible.  Just two nights ago I was a mess, on day 5 from Tramadol.  I found myself without a way to cope with it myself and came here for support.  I really do know what you mean...I really do.  I'm tellin' ya, last year, I think I was exactly in your shoes.  It was so long, and that in and of itself, led to more panic.  Panic of when the he!!, if EVER, will it end!?  Did I BREAK myself?!  I really do understand.  I CAN say it will end.  I have been a member of this forum officially since January of 2008.  I have yet to see anyone say here that their anxiety didn't end.  You are not alone.  Alot of people here have the experience of having their anxiety end in a week give or take....then you read that feel like OMG!!!!  WTF's wrong with ME?!  There ARE people who have it longer though.  That's REALLY important to know.  You are not broken and it WILL be okay.  I cannot tell you exactly when...I'm sorry.  BUT, it WILL end.  Hang tight and think long and hard about whether the Klonopin's right for you.  If it is, remember that check-system okay?  You have our support.

[peaceinknowing]

Thanks so much once again. You don't sound like a you know what, you're simply giving me your opinion on the matter, which is more than I could've asked for right now. Like I said, I think that the medication is just going to sit there at the pharmacy. I was in a very bad accident over a week or so ago where it totalled both my car and the other person's car. I refused to take medication when I was taken to the ER, and the doctor sent me home with Vicodin even after I told them I was an addict and would rather them not give it to me. I came on here and posted, asking what to do...I was told a variety of things from take it if your hubby will keep it in his posession to, I don't know what you should do -- I ended up flushing them after the first 3-4 responses that I got. My sobriety IS worth it. If I can get through the nasty little WD that I had -- I can get through the anxiety of it, too!

Thanks again for your kind words.

[Jacqui805]

Well, from what you're telling me, I'd say you SHOULDN'T take that Klonopin.  You know yourself better than anyone, and I hear what you're saying.  You didn't trust yourself with the pain medication offered to you, and didn't want it in the first place...that gives me greater concern about you having the Klonopin in your posession.  
I am thinking so long and taking such pauses before every sentence I write to you.  I know that anxiety all-too-well and it pains me to tell you to NOT have something in your posession that could end it.  I know how I felt two days ago...last year even, and it would've taken alot to get me not to fill that prescription if I'd had it.  Like other people told you with the pain killers, IF your husband had the bottle and IF he knew completely what the real deal is, then and only then, would I have that bottle in my home.  
I don't want to cause you any pain, including anxiety that you don't HAVE to suffer from.  That's why all of this is so hard to find a right answer for you.  
I'd like to say, hang onto the script and if it all becomes too much for you, you can always fill it, but I'm hesitant to even say that.  An addict doesn't deserve to feel pain or anxiety, and is therefore allowed the right to take medication for those things.....but an addict also needs to be up front and honest with themselves and everyone around, a simple fix.  You have been so up front and honest....and in doing so, I THINK, you've answered your own questions.

P.S. - How many tablets is your script for?  Is it possible to have your doctor give you a weekly script if you absolutely have to take it?  Maybe if you have to go back every week, and she can really keep her eye on you, would be one of the only ways to consider taking the Klonopin.  I'm talking, out of great need here too.  Great need. If you absolutely HAVE to have it...why not something like that?  I'm sure alot of people here might say though, that one could easily b.s. their way through a doctor appt. to get more....
I guess you can tell I'm trying hard to reason this out....I just feel your pain, but I don't wanna give you an out to just give you one.  
The withrawal of coming off of substances is so not worth the positive effects of taking them.  The changes these substances cause in us is so not worth the positive effects of taking them....in my experience.  When I was on Fentanyl, I was also on 0.5 mg of Xanax.  I went off of them about two weeks before the Fentanyl...I just wanted to let you know that I have had benzo experience too, and that I know what it feels like to take them.  

[peaceinknowing]

You're not stepping on my toes. Your words mean so much to me right now, I wish you knew that...

When I spoke to the doctor today, she wrote me out for 90 tablet to last me for three months. BUT...I spoke up and told her that I didn't want that many, and just wanted a "trial session" with them for the first go round. She asked me how many I thought was okay, and I told her ten or less. She wrote me out for 10 tables.

By the way... I received the phone call back a few minutes ago from the actual doctor rather than the nurse! I told you she was THAT good, haha! She and I spoke and I told her that I was going to give this thing a go without the pills. I asked her if she would call the pharmacy for me and just cancel the script all together, and she said that she would. She is very proud of me, and says that I have a lot of potential in this right now. She said that I am one of the very few patients of hers that has turned down a medication to help them through anxiety like I am choosing to do right now. She respects my decision and said the same thing you did -- I know myself better than anyone else. It's honestly NOT because I don't trust myself with the pills around me right now... it's more or less the fact that I just don't wish to rely on medicine to get me through day to day life or feelings of panic.

If you can overcome certain things in life, you're able to overcome anything. Ever since I got off the pain killers, I've had this mentality that my life is better than a bottle of medication, you know?  :)

[Jacqui805]

Wow, I'm SO glad your doctor was going to change out that initial script for 10 tabs!  I understand your reasoning now for thinking about this so hard, and I'd agree that that's a biggie, having to rely on ANY pill.  It becomes a scary thought to worry about the inevitable time when there will be no more, whether that be because you can't get them or something else.  It is also just so scary to think that you gotta get that pill in ya....that if this or that happens, that is what you will do....instead of finding some way of coping.  I really do understand and have felt all of it.  
I too respect your decision to fight it out without the pills.  It is a tough fight, but a winnable fight.  You have much support here, and you have gotten this far.  You can do it and we will help you as much as is humanly possible.  
I hear ya on life without pain killers is better feeling.  I definitely 100 per cent agree.  Life is not perfect all of the time, and it can be hard to learn coping skills for when it's not, even with the better life.  Cut yourself some slack and remind yourself in times of need, that it's often up and down.  Like Avis said on another post earlier, "no one walks on water".  We're all human, and we have greater needs sometimes....no shame in that.

I'm off for a MUCH NEEDED shower (sorry for the TMI).  If you need me, just PM me or post here, and when I get back, I'm here for ya.  

Hugs to ya.  

[mama23babies]

I was given a script for Klonopin a few weeks ago. They told me to take it 3 times a day wether I needed it or not because it takes time to build up in your system to block panic attacks. I took it for a few days and it made me too tired to function taking care of my 3 children. If you think you need it try it just be careful. As you know I too have your fear of meds. I have the xanax from my psych where I just got home from and I only take it as needed. I have went 2 weeks w/o any until today. I have heard and believe to be true that a  person with an anxiety problem that is afraid of new meds tends not to abuse them. Especially after the **** of detox that we have went through. My psyc says that Klonopin is better for long term than xanax. The Klonopin also doesn't give you the high as xanax does so you are less likely to abuse it. I think if you need it as I do with this **** anxiety try it. Once in awhile won't hurt you just be careful. Good luck!!!

[peaceinknowing]

Thanks so much for the sweet words, mama23babies...

I made the decision to have the doctor go ahead and cancel the script all together with the pharmacy. I'm going to try and tought it out as best that I know how right now -- but if something comes up, all I have to do is go in to see her again and see what we can do from here on out. Possibly something else like an AD or another medication that is non-narcotic, if that makes sense.

Hope that all is going well for you! Glad to hear that you're doing a little better!

[Ga Guy]

I agree that Klonopin is not a good idea. It wasn't my DOC, but I found I had problems with it as well. I understand the panic attack thing, but I've seen too much hell with benzos in my family and well as with myself. I do believe that benzos have their place, and short term insomnia use as well as panic attacks and general anxiety are places where it's warranted. However, I think it's only useful to bridge between the start of a "better" anxiety med and the time it kicks in. There are great non-addictive drugs that work extremely well with anxiety. SSRI's have come full circle and are only getting better. Consider one of these to help alleviate the anxiety. Not confronting it can only be detrimental to your health and continued clean time.

[peaceinknowing]

Thanks for your input. Like I've stated several times throughout my postings here, I talked with the doctor earlier this afternoon and had her cancel the prescription at the pharmacy, which means I will not be taking them...

Thanks for the insight on the other medicines though, I'll definately give them a go IF the anxiety gets worse and/or too much to handle in the future. For right now, I want to do this without the assistance of any other medications.  :)

[Jules1866]

Peaceinknowing,

Do not take the klonipin, I was given this a few years and it is addicting  There are better ways to deal with your panic.... I go to a herbal website and I order kava tea to stop panic and stress, I take all natural herbal pills to help cotrol stress and panic and then I order a spray that goes in your mouth to help control stress.

I cut down on alot of caffine........hope this helps!!!!!!!

[Jimmy1975]

I remember the first time I went threw this it was just about two and a half months that the anxiety started to really subside . So hold on the anxiety monster WILL go away I promise !  Jimmy

[peaceinknowing]

Thanks for the words of advice. I had my husband pick up some herbal tea earlier this afternoon after I spoke with my new doctor so I'm going to give that a try. I'm not much of a coffee drinker anymore since the addiction. I do still drink it from time to time, but it isn't to the extent of what it used to be...hehe!

[peaceinknowing]

Thanks so much Jimmy! Congrats on 33 days sober to you!!!!!!