why do we use drugs ,when we don't need them.

[hippy]

this question is a real tough question, for addicts.
im speaking about all the addicts who abuse drugs
. looking back i started useing to fit in
,peer presure, i found that drugs made me feel better, and took
away all my emotional pain, i knew i was doing something wrong
and drugs became a way of life, along with dishonesty,
and stealing, and dealing the whole life style.
and i started at age 13 and by the time i was 18
I HATED MYSELF AND THE WAY I LIVED AND THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO ABOUT IT. and that is why i used, i hated me.
when i did try to get clean ,i would get a couple weeks together
and then this obsession to use would come over me FROM MY HEAD TO MY TOES AND IT WOULD SAY TO ME, YOU CAN COME NOW OR YOU CAN COME LATER ON TONIGHT BUT WE ARE DEFINITELY USEING.
AND I ALWAYS USED.
AFTER A NUMBER OF YEARS USEING DRUGS BECAME LESS AND LESS OF AN ESCAPE, it was no longer about getting high but about just getting ok ,so i could make  through the day or the job.
the more i used the more i hated my self, it was a vicious
cycle.
the only way out  was totol abstinence,andto learn  how to grow up, i think most addicts stay at the age of 16 untill they make
a concience effort to change.

just some thoughts, hippy

[GOD]

Brian,

I kept on trying and trying to get the yahoo IM to see your cam, and it still doesn't work... I know that I'm using the right handle. You did give it to me in 2 separate e-mails.

Tell me the TRUTH, now.... You weren't just "pulling my chain" about letting me SEE YOU on your cam to prove my whacko theories wrong were you?!

I'm sitting here, READY TO APOLOGIZE to YOU and the WHOLE FORUM.

Just give me the proof that I asked for;

VERY SIMPLE.

~~~~JesseSarpy~~~~

P.S. Brian has a pretty decent little website. It is his handle + .org

I find it somewhat revealing that it is, indeed, a portal to all sorts of fun "Hackware" as we in the IT Systems Security Feild put it.

[FesterTool]

Hey everybody!

Pixi,
Loved your post. How is it you always manage to make me smile? I am glad we're both crazy. lol. The shadow people are gone now so we dont have to worry. I was a little confused this morning from all the commotion but the nap helped. Stay cool.

festertool

[PimpShit]

Um well i have used this handle for years now. I like it.. and its what people know me as.. I really dont see why a screenname matters much. But everyone has the right to their own comment. I just dont think being judged by a screenname is fair, or by the way i type, ect.

[puma]

Jessearpy,

The name Chatahan was the last typhoon to make a direct eye passage over Guam, just this past July. I used to be known as wildcat, my tribal name used, but the re-registering would not allow it, saying it is already in use.

I am really into nature and cats so wildcat is fitting. The typhoon and it's backup five days later named, Ha'long really trashed my place and caused alot of work and major stress. I kind of took to the name Chatahan though so I decided to use it.

It is a part of nature too, and goes with one of my favorite phrases, what goes around, comes around. My tempor used to be worthy of being called a typhoon but since stopping the booze, going through many recovery steps and taking the Klonopin and Ultram for the pain has chilled me out quite a bit. Pain has a way of making even the kindest person, angry and nasty. That's why it is so important for us to keep the pain down to a minimum if possible so we can function in a positive way. I'm babbling now, it's 2:30 am so I better get back to bed. I awoke in pain, took my middle of the night dosage and then decided to check the forum real fast. Real fast turned into over an hour but now I am feeling better and tired enough to sleep okay.

I hope you are doing well and feeling good today. Take care.

Chatahan

P.S.-If you want to email me anytime, the address is
         ***@****

[puma]

Pimp,

I don't think I was that rough on you and I never read anything on the thread about suicide, so I have no idea where you csme up with that one.

I did suggest you see a doc for your hgih blood pressure. The mention of booze was just a thought because many addicts also use alcohol and I know that can raise blood pressure. I also suggested you attend N/A or A/A meetings for help and that the people on this forum have been very supportive.

I was a little harsher in tone than usual. Probably because of the swearing and accusations that no one here or anywhere else would ever listen or help. I was in pain and tired, therefore a little on the crabby side.

We all want to help, but as many have said, you also have to want to help youself. Keep posting and I hope you find some answers that are helpful to you.

Oh, by the way, I know we should not judge a book by it's cover but your handle sounds terrible, like you really think lowly of yourself. You may want to find a more uplifting and positive handle. It will show you want to feel better about yourself and how others perceive you. Just a suggestion. Take care,

Chatahan

[onestep]

I'm not a psychologist or anaylist nor can I spell correctly sometimes..:-) but this I know after being a double amputee for the past 35 years....spending two years in the hospital from 14 to 16 years old when I was electrocuted and fried to a crisp...and all the surgeries after ( now up to 99 ) pain hurts and so does life....your still young and if your being honest about things...realitively new to the addiction thing ( you say you don't / haven't done anything else ). Well STOP NOW. I've been fighting this **** for the past 35 years...20 years ago I was really bad and checked into a program for 30 days. You can't do that I know..I know....but you can start somewhere....If you really WANT to change...start with your screen name....small step but one forward.....then make a phone call to the local NA / AA or Mental Health Clinic in your town or city and begin the process. This forum is OK and there are a lot of people who care and give advice....but you must do something for yourself.

I experienced the blood pressure thing myself....it's primarliy two things....w/d's and your head....take a few deep breaths...go for a walk...hell at your age...bike ride..frisbee anything man....get your body moving and your mind out of your butt.  Me I'm 49 now...smoking since 15 and it's difficult to get around on one arm one leg BUT I get up now at 5:00 am and get to the gym....I went on meds for the blood pressure but will wean off them because my exercising will lower it. I drink a gallon of water each day. Believe me when I say that earlier this summer when I first found this forum, I felt like I was alone in my thoughts...then talking here to others opened my head a bit. Deep inside I knew the answers and you do too, but it was good to see it in front of my face.............Besides coming here...DO SOMETHING ! There are, I believe, those that just sit in front of their computers and cruise these places for attention...don't get hooked on that part of recovery...you have a life to live...live it.