Alcohol and Personality Changes

[New2U4Me]

I have been dating a very nice man, kind, easy-going for about 5 weeks. Everyone that knows him cannot say enough good about him. He was married for 3 years in his early 20's-got a divorce and has been a bachelor ever since with no kids. In the past couple of weeks, when he drinks 'too much' he gets Extremely Jealous, Insecure, Paranoid, etc. and it worries me. Last week at a party a man who was merely an acquaintance came over and talked to me for about 5 minutes. My partner was nearby talking with other men. I was simply making small talk and it was no big deal when my partner looked over and said, 'come on, we're leaving!' so I quit my conversation and left the party. When we got outside he said, 'I'm taking you home!' I said what's your problem and he said you don't have to 'f------ be talking to strangers unless you're hoping to get lucky!' I didn't say a word, got in the car and he drove me home. (we were supposed to go to another party after the first one) It was approx. 8:30pm and I went in my home and went to bed. About 12:30am he called and asked where I was and what I was doing. I said I was in bed. He said 'open the door!'. I opened the door and a few minutes later he came in and read me the riot act. "I was inconsiderate, had not right talking to other men, I talked too much rather than listen to others, etc. He was extremely critical and hurtful. I told him that I had an upbeat personality and enjoyed conversing with others-whether I know them or not, and if he didn't like that - we would have to meet somewhere in the middle because I was not going to give up myself to be what he 'thought I should be and lose myself in the process. He said he wasn't trying to change my personality but 'refine' the way that I act. He read me the riot act for a good half hour and everything was my fault - nothing was his fault. My question is because this behavior has shown up twice - after much beer drinking - I'm assuming it is the alcohol doing this to him. He doesn't remember being verbally mean to me - said he was just giving me constructive criticism because he loves me, etc. I told him I am going to get a tape recorder and tape him in one of his rages so he knows that this is really happening. It becomes a total Jeckyl and Hyde personality. Could he be paranoid while overdrinking or might he be bipolar? Or, is he just extremely jealous because he has been a bachelor for his whole life and not willing to have a give and take relationship because he is controlling from being alone for 40 years??? II told him unless he is willing to address this personality change that we will never be a 'couple' but I would seek help with him and for him. Any thoughts? I'm not afraid of him - it's his mouth that hurts me, not his hand. Thanks for any info.

[Raziel2007]

Hey, it sounds like you should move on.  This guy sounds possessive and controlling,  this relationship sounds unsatisfying and stressful.  

Nobody should be treated that way, we are all human and its normal to talk to other people, male and female.  If he thinks that just because you were talking to someone else that you're looking to get lucky, sounds like he may have some psychological issues along with his addiction.  And of course, the addiction most likely feeds the psychological issues.  Overall, it just sounds like a bad and potentially dangerous situation to be in.  

If he can't control his mouth/temper and shows up at your door during the night to yell at you, I can only say, it could get even worse.   I hope that he hasn't been physically abusive, but he has been emotionally abusive towards you.

Good luck.  

[ibizan]

Andrea101 so right...so right!thank u andrea!

[andrea101]

It does sound to me that it is the alchohol talking. How much does he drink - I don't mean at a time - I mean a week. Is this something he would consider giving up to be with you? If not - I don't think you'll be in for a happy ride. Over time all his insults and accusations will take their toll. If he's not willing to be responsible for his erractic behavior - I think you need to find a man who is more sane. I do beleive people can change - but only when they realize the consequence of their actions and are committed to do so.  
Andrea101

[working dog]

it's not" is he extremely jealous?????"     it's     HE is extremely jealous thats WHY he's been a bachelor for 40 years...the alcohol might complicate things...good luck....billy

[ibizan]

he sounds like my ex who didn't drink...his thing was cocaine! i would say in addition to an alcohol problem he may have some type of personality disorder which he most likely will deny along with the alcohol issue!Good 4 u for not taking his BS and standing ur ground with him..he has major issues with controlling!Hooray..a woman not afraid of a man who acts like this..u made my day dear!:)))))))