Alcoholic looking for help.

[PinPinPatrick]

Hello, just wondering if anyone has any suggestions to help me refrain from drinking?

Both parents are alcoholics... my Mom figures she can drink wine and that it's healthy.  My Dad is diabetics and so drinks diet pepsi with vodka.

I have been drinking since age 16 about... am 24 now, and have only gone 2 months in the entire past 8 years without binge drinking.  I can't control my drinking, once i get to drink number 2... i always end up at drink number 6... and at drink number 6, i'm always looking for the drink number 8, or even more.  

I find that if i refrain from drinking for a long time, somehow I convince myself that i gotta go all out to make up for all that time i missed out on drinking!  I went for the 2 months, then i had a drink and honestly couldn't stop untill i had many many beers.  

Drinking makes me make very stupid choices... The only thing worse than the consequences on my health, is the consequences of the path being drunk takes me on... very dangerous situations!  I admit to driving drunk (seriously that's hard to admit to and I'm so ashamed of it, i don't know how i get away with it, and why nothing bad ever happens, but i feel the next time something bad will happen, i should be shot for that for putting the public at risk), i've had risky sex, i've used bad drugs while drunk(coke or even crack), i've gotten myself into bad situations.  

I can't take it anymore!  Alcoholism has ruined my life, and as crazy as this sounds, it's actually been a dream of mine to live a life of sobriety for such a long time.   I know the impact of alcohol on my life can never be undone... but I strongly can't take it anymore.  Bad thing is that all my best friends are binge drinkers, even my parents.  I have 1 friend who doesn't drink, and that's about it.  

Honestly what can I do to escape this type of life?  I can't take it anymore... I've been given a good life and I can't take throwing it away anymore.

Cost of alcohol on my life including lost opportunity costs of becoming successful?? I would honestly say a quarter million dollars.  

Any help or input would be greatly appreciated. I want sobriety more than anything else, and as easy as it sounds for most people to just stop, it's harder than that.  

[britt459]

Hey, I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I am currently in the same situation myself, a little different though because I am also withdrawling from a 10 a day lortab habit. My sister has been in AA for over 8yrs and she is sober. She still has the desire to drink at times, but otherwise she is flourishing, her career, her energy, her relationships, her life. We are not very close do to the fact I have not yet been able to deal with my alcoholism, though I am 29 days free of pills. She said she has to get out of the house, do everything different, anything you associate with drinking avoid. Again, this is her advice, I'm not there yet. Also, an AA meeting. Do you abuse anything else. Good luck, I'll be checking on you.

[PinPinPatrick]

Thanks for checking up on my I appreciate it.  Alcohol has been the prime substance of abuse in my life time and thrown me in all sort of strange directions.  I don't like admitting to it but I use Crack cocaine time in time for the past 2 years.  I'd use it and just be like WOW what an amazing feeling.  Then I'd use it with my drinking... Then i'd drink and be like damn i gotta get some of that.  I'd use about every month on average, then I quit that for 8 solid months because I finally convinced myself that it's about the most evil drug out there.  I mean, I break down in tears when the supply is out.  The past month has been crack use every 2nd or 3rd day... But i decided I'm putting the breaks on that stuff HARD.

I have forgot things, and my brain just feels fuzzy after using that stuff, even my eye sight is fuzzy.  Last time I remember when I quit steady for 8 months, it took about 2 months for my brain to feel normal again.  One time when i took that while drinking i had heart pains, chest pains, almost had a heart attack one time... yea that stuff is bad news... and i always just end up wanting more.

I think the fact that I've been smoking crack is my real wake up call... that I have a serious substance abuse problem... and it all primarily stems to alcohol.

I have been using Lorzepam to calm me down lately, from the doctor, it helps.  

No but I'm determined to get sober... and I'm gonna need all the help I can get!  Any other suggestions people?

[ibizan]

i've been sober/clean 25 years....began at 28 am now 53....gotta change them ppl places and things like AA says!i did that went to AA and NA...also found other helpful info at SOS and RR.....its not as hard as u think....its necessary if u wanna live...it is focused work but well worth it if u wanna have a good life!

[boogieman]

hi. you're on some shaky ground right now. if you can actually stop for a period, you are in better shape than i was. i could not stop, not even for a few hours. and adding cocaine or other drugs into the mix just makes things potentially more catastrophic. your condition will progressively get worse if you do not stop. and it will get harder to quit as time passes. the best advice i can give you is to go to aa, and keep an open mind. if you're not ready to do whatever you have to to stay sober, then keep drinking until you are ready----hopefully you won't die, kill someone else, contract disease, or end up locked away somewhere first. i'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's the honest truth from someone who's been there and done most all of it. this is not a pretty picture no matter how glamorous the media and advertisers make it out to be. i've seen people die firsthand and it's not a good way to go. find an aa group and try to identify with the similarities----not compare the differences. if you will be painstaking about this you will get answers, but more importantly, you'll get the solution to the problem. best wishes,  gm

[PinPinPatrick]

Thanks everyone for your support and feedback... I have actually been visiting my Grandma for the past 2 weeks, and I haven't been drinking while I have been over here.... yeesh I have an urge to drink, but I'm going to be getting addiction counselling, and will be attending an aa meeting... I want to learn the 12 step program.  I guess that's the best thing I can do.  Being away from alcohol from along time... well I just don't really think about it anymore, but I will be reintroduced pretty soon so I need to be prepared for it.