Can't stop.... :(

[Backtopurity]

I've been a binge drinker since I was about 14. It's the biggest problem for me. I recently got off Percocet after being on it for 3 years after a car wreck. Now I'm trying to address this major issue I've had forever that has been inhibiting and interfering with my life. I've always reached for alcohol to have fun. On the summer days on the beach(illegally hiding it on beaches as well), in the winter: taking a break from the slopes getting some liquid courage, all year round hanging out with friends or playing games with family. There is always a reason to drink. It's actually under contol a lot of the time, but many times(too many) it has escalated to a binge night. I've had 2 day drinking sessions without stopping. People recognize me all the time and I have clue who they are. It *****, I work at a dental office, and last week someone said they see me all over town often. I only go out when drinking, so I have no clue, and it's so embarrassing. I've done horrible drugs while drinking. Including crack!!! Ew. Good god. I am so fed up with the eradic behavior. My major car accident a couple years back, I met a guy at a party, and wanted to party more, wanted to go swimming to a remote place up in the bush at a lake, was fooling around while he was driving, then when for about 5 flips over a cliff.... It was a nightmare. Now if you knew me, you'd know that is very out of character for me. I am no ****, no easy person, I have long term relationships, but when I drink, I am different, careless. I don't know why I do it. I guess to "unwind" after work or whatever reason I have at the time, and it just escalates all to frequently. I don't mean to whine and sound like "whoa is me". But this has been eating me up. I have a counsellor who I see weekly, but I just need to tell my stories to more people. I feel lost with drinking. Even last night I went out with work friends, I arranged a dinner and bowling trip. I was uptight after work. Drank martinis, pitcher of beer, bottle of beer, 1/2 L of white wine in 6 hours while bowling. I know to some, that isn't all that much, but this was with work!!! Oh god, so embarrassing. I don't want my professional life to fall apart...

It seems worse the older I get. I'm turning 29 in may and my binging is just making me feel like a loser. I am a shy person with a reputation in my town as a drunk. One time I saw a guy I went to school with, and he was so angry with me. I was confused and asked why. I guess one time previous, he had a party at his house after a rock concert in my town(which I hardly remember as well) and he said I was breaking and throwing stuff!! I have absolutely no recollection and usually do even if I have no control myself, I ususally remember(as if I'm watching a movie...lol) I only assume I was drugged, or did some sort of crazy drug. It's just horrible. I have been to AA and find they don't quite work for me, actually I want to drink more after them. I have went to a meeting with women only b4(they were in-patients and it was a drop in meeting) it seemed to get to me in a good way, but I only went once... I have had suggested to me to go to a centre for a while, but I just can't. Mortgage and I'm single... So not working for me. I know there are always excuses tho...

Any suggestions as to where I go from here?? Love and light to you all...

[Jacker]

If there is one thing I've learned, it's that people who have been in recovery for longer than me know more than I do.  After making too many mistakes, I will gladly listen to their advice as opposed to making more.

The potential damage to your body and well-being become very real once you get that first blood test.  

[narla]

If this is how you want to live your life there is nothing more I can say,except have regular checkups and get a yearly liver function test,It's a simple blood test.I hope you stay healthy,Good Luck

Denise

[Princessdaniella]

Thank You Narla and I am "Sorry" to hear of Your own experience with this.
I am "Sorry" about your liver it is really sad.
I take the Phenurgan and Temazapam to sleep when I need to I only sleep maximum 6 hours so if I am able to I enjoy more, sleep can be really good.
The panadeine forte I actually use when I have appointments as it numbs me in a way and when I feel in a daze I feel I can be open and relax more otherwise I avoid eye contact and usually cover my face which was starting to frustrate my therapist I found the pandeine worked and it helped with tafe etc. Unfortunately I am falling behind though

[narla]

I am so worried about you when I read your story it's like I'm reading my own story,I was also addicted to codeine and used phenergan to help me sleep,I was also taking a sleeping tablet when I could get the doctor to prescribe them and it was so I could feel"normal".You really need to talk to your doctor about what you are taking,I have liver damage from mixing alcohol with codeine Please be careful and talk to some health professional about what damage you are doing to yourself.Take Care

Denise

[Princessdaniella]

I take seroquel and temazapam that I have when I need to sleep (rarely) I do not sleep well ever since being prescribed seroquel for so long. I stopped the Seroquel 6 months ago when I found out I was pregnant again and than after I miscarriaged just over a month ago decided to try without it while I could however my therapist does want me back on medication now but I will not agree to seroquel again. Zeldox I swapped for the seroquel I was only taking one in exchange for the other but I ended up resorting back to the seroquel I really didn't like the zeldox at all. So at the moment No I am not on any medication, I do take Panadeine forte a lot to help me feel more comfortable around other people and temazepam and phenurgan to sleep occasionally but not seroquel

[ibizan]

so you are on the geodon and seraquil now?alcohol will intensify their effects which with these two will zombie you out...and alcohol is central nervous system depressant which as you know makes you feel more depressed a day or nite after drinking.....and then the meds....such a vicious cycle of downers here.so glad u don't drive after drinking!