Help quitting drinking

[Gavin3113]

I'm a 24 year old male, when i got out of the army september 2nd a little over 3 years ago. My first night back I went an met my family at the bar. Almost 3 years later was the first night that i haven't drank since that day. It started out slow and ended up at at three forths of a liter a night. I started having pains in my organs, pucking, contstantly running to the bathroom. As I sit here and hold my gut all day I hear my little boy running around being the little monster that he can be or the girl that i love and god knows why put up with me all these years. I thought you know what I need to be here for both of them. So i make an apointment at a clinic, because anyone like me really does need help. I go there and i feel stupider than ever because they look at me funny and basically tell me why are you in here for alcohol we got real problems like meth and crack. So i leave and stay sober for a week, 2 weeks ago i sober  up for three days on my own. No withdrawel, never had em. If  I did they were nothing, 4 days later i was in the ER severe withdrawels. They do there tests and i'm fine liver wise, only slightly elevated. they give me a few things and send me on my way. Something wrong with my intestines that can be fixed. I let my friend that been drinking for 25 years almost every day talk me into his made up idea that i'm fine. So I drink for 3 more days, then relize how stupid i was to let my self beleive that garbage. So i stopped today again. I'm the type of person that hasn't went to the doc for years because i can usually handle things so well. You just deal with things is my thought. Today i got sick feeling I never had things became so severe at times that i said i love u more than usuall or got more hugs when i could. Because i honestly feel that if i go to bed i'm not waking up. I tell u what when the bottom falls ut its fast.  It's at that point that thats all my body can do. I can't sleep tonight way to sick and afraid to be honest. I got up and came on the net and found this site and it talked about the risk of seizure from cold turkey. That got me more afraid and i honestly feel this may get worse before it gets better i'm thinking. What do i do ? I read on here that maybe drink a tad so u don't  get   messed up , but only a little bit until u can get a controlled withdrawl from a doc or detox. Don't do benzos, any advice is good everyone.
               If you do drink never let it get to the point that it has for me. This s a hole and with every single drop it gets deeper. I will feel fortunate to walk away from this with my health still enough in tact and with no major problems. Thanks everyone for listening.

[ibizan]

i have thought of u now and then and wondered if u were still among the living.....glad to hear things r better..the drink may be gone but then there is u...the ism to the alcohol.....and i hope u use a support sytem..have one intact when that urge to drink descends upon u for it will again..it has to all of us.....and those lovely character defects we all have to or should address.......practice HALT dear.......don't let urself get 2 Hungry Angry Lonely or Tired!may the Force b with u!")))one day atta time?i still like one hour atta time!:)

[Gavin3113]

Been a long time, hope everyone is doing well. I just wanted to post that I'm sober and I got a new contract "pending" with the army. Treatment would have been a option maybe in the long run a better one.  The future as we all know only holds those answers. The finacial situation I was in though didn't allow me that option. I had to think about my family and the spot everyone would have been in had i gone into treatment. So my best option was the military, again. The motivation of the physical conditioning that needs to be done and my new obligations filled my mental void left from not drinking. I spend my time working out and studying a soldiers manual that I got when I was in the army the first go around. People couldn't comprehend with out experiencing it, every little detail that that are must knows for soldiers. So after over 3 years of being out I kind of have to relearn a lot of it myself. It's every thing from squad tactics to bullet velocitys to well everything. The way I came to the conclusion of the army was simple. Possibly die a soldier or most definetly die a drunk. I could go to treatment and loose my apartment and be back to square one because we simply just can't afford me being gone that long. Treatment would have defintley helped, at the same time though I may have relapsed. If that were the case I would be back to were i was a month ago and who knows what that may have brought. Sitting here drinking the way I'm capable of for all we know that can kill some one at any giving moment especially when if your like myself can some how down a liter of booze every night and manage to live through it for past three years. It's like playing russian roulette, but I some how missed the bullet. So I had the sense that my days are numbered at that rate. Now on the other side I really may be dodging bullets, but I'll be doing something productive and be providing for my family instead of being a burden. When it's all said and done whether I come home in a casket or on a seat of a plane it's what needs to be done. As I said earlier probably die from drinking by not making this choice or die but very unlikely in Iraq. Even if i were to not make it my family would collect the quarter million dollar life insurance policy. In my own mind that's a better way than not waking up one morning and being on the news because I drank myself to death. So I thought I would let you all know that have been consistently supporting me how things are. When I go I'm coming home so no worrys there. I don't try to sound grim but death is a another part of life some of us are scared of it and others accept it. I'll take a quote i got out a fortune cookie one time it's not the exact words but it sums it up " There are many events throughout one's life time many we can control and many we can't, but there is one event that's guaranteed, the end ".  And that's the truth so accept it people and don't be scared of it, unless your drunk/drug addict then be scared. I say be scared to the people that are still using. Don't go down the road that I had because that road can suddenly become a cliff and I'll tell you what that isn't a easy cliff to climb back up. Do it though it's hard to start the climb but you'll notice that every step get's a little easier in ways but harder in others. Just keep on one step, one day at a time and in the end you'll thank your self. Thank you again everyone for all the months of support. I don't know when I'll be leaving overseas, but the day I come back I'll make a post( got to make sure everyone is still behaving, lol) my gut instinct says soon but we'll see.
      

[ibizan]

It WAS the alcohol initially...getting on the benzos with a doc who poorly monitored thsi and let it/u run rampant with it is nuts but i see this **** all the time with way too many docs.U need to strongly consider the Campral for alcohol cravings!I know several newly sober alcoholics who r maintaining sobriety with this!

[uberadtx]

You don't metion the benzo you were given but it was the wrong one!  I can't believe you even waited this long to see the doctor.  That is damn irresponsible of him!  I can't believe what a mess you are and its shameful!  You need to be monitored extremely closely right now.  Everyone can expect a level of discomfort from withdrawal but what you are going through is cruel.  Get on a 5 day taper of Librium.  I am sorry that you are dwelling on your mother's death right now.  Its the last thing you need to be dealing with so try to remember that.  Don't make any major life decisions for a while either.  Your post is somewhat incoherent and its not good at all.  Post after your doctor's visit.

[Gavin3113]

been awile guys and girls sorry for the lapse in time. So how is everyone i'm still stuck on my same page. Yes benzos was a bad idea i went to a doc and we decided on a 12 day wane starting at 100mg stopping at 25mg well might of been a mistake on her part but some how i ended up with 90 of them 25 mg each, do the math or she can't do math, something lol. I never started out at 100mg i went with the feeling of my body and it said go 75mg then down. Never helped i felt bad withdrawels for 4 days on the benzos, is it possible it was never the booze to begin with? the nurses when i called them said it didn't seem right because it should calm me but instead i can't stop moving. On sunday i stood up for 9 hours watching football when i sit my legs can't stop moving. Not being uncontrolable but i feel wierder if i stop them. I'm stuck and when i don't drink i can kind of sense things about to happen on top of the given sighns , rapid heart, blahh blahh blahh you all know. When it gets to the point that I feel that i may black out and or pass out i have a feeling as if someone dumped a small cup of warm water over my brain and i feel it going over it in wave in a sense, not all over at once but slowley just moving over it. So that's when i bust out the booze because i can in a sense make sense that something bad is impending and by drinking it will go away till the next day at least right. Then it's much fun all over again. In a way it's like waking up everyday and trying to turn the page like they say a new day is a new page, but it's the same page every day I can't seem to turn that page. I have plenty of support but no med help it seems, well we'll see tomorrow with the med help( I havea follow up). All i can say this is the hardest thing I ever dealt with in my life. My mother passed away on september 11th some years back not in the trade center but a freak car accident the people down the streets horse got loose she was on her way to buy a pizza it was dusk and was driving east to west never seen the horse in time then a semi hit the car after the horse was hit, although it be the same day as the trade center and I look at my kid and see what i missed out on with my mom, being, i handled enough maybe booze was my crutch and the stength that I thought was there was booze, I feel worse now because my kid isn't even 2 yet and I had a chance to know my mom, and i feel like i'm dying now hurts me more than any other feeling i've had throughout my life that my kid may never know me. I saw a posting on craigslist 1 year contract for all  ex militaty that's my goal now that and my son will be happy and me because i will have a new meaning more than booze.idk getting tired now everone post please ty all 4 everything lol  

[ibizan]

i'll drink good strong coffee to ur comments walter.......agree with all u sed a zillion%:))))))

[walternowotny]

Benzodiazepines are very dangerous for anybody with history of alcohol abuse.They work in a similar fashion as alcohol and many alcoholics substitute one for another.They do help with withdrawals but they are also very addictive.And they do not work too long.You have to increase the dose soon to achieve the effect.
They also can damage liver.
Walter (AKA Johann)

[walternowotny]

Benzo and alcohol is extremely dangerous!Next time you may not wake up!
My mother who died 6 months ago because of complications of alcoholic liver failure almost died several times(not to mention numerous injuries,concussions etc) because she was mixing different benzodiazepines(Diazepam,Rohypnol),benzo-like meds like Ambien and alcohol.
Good luck
Johann

[ibizan]

yeegads boi!mixing alcohol and benzos?that could stop ur heart..no scare tactic here!i wish u'd go to county outpatient substance abuse facility......get counseling,get in support group.....they have funding for those with no $$$$ of low sliding fee scale if u work..i work for one.....u have a child and girl whose stood by u dude!c'mon please for them?and u?we're all different..ur not ur friend.....go to outpatient for starters!

[Gavin3113]

It should not of happened but i fell off because the feelings associated with the detox next thing u know the ambulance is driving u to the ER znd ur in the "room" in the ER that they put the most important "issues" in. So they hook me up to the moniters and after stabilizing they moved me in a room with a TV!!! lol (sorry that was the highlight of my day then football was on) So they gave me a persciption this time, it was librum but i did'nt now they were benzos till days after taking them. So i sit here now still waiting for insurance and when times do get tough i do pop a benzo or have few beers( depending on what feelings decide to arise) I feel stuck my body hurts my panic attacks keep me from sleep. I haveno friends just one thats been drinking for well older than i am. He's at a point now that he needs to tell himself who he is when he wakes up because he's that far into it. Funny part is he can quit with no withdrawels. I suppose that's the alcoholic lottery some can go on forever almost and some can't get far into it without the complcations that a lot of us have' had or still are enduring. I'm scared and my kidneys liver well every part of body has sharp pains at one point or another throughout the day. I.m telling everyone now about my problem not hiding behind eveything like the past. i'm not afraid any more about telling people that i see every day about my problem. I feel that's a positive step. I am lookinginto in-patient treatment centers but need the state insurance.  Wish that someone could go with me to aa but looks like i'll have to do that one on my own. I feel that all the reaching out is a big step to improvment and i'm getting there everyone. From the very first post this was the begining of the end whether i fell off or not. I know i'm going to get throught this even if i get the insurance and i find out bad news about my organs. No matter matter whatever day god takes me i will not be drunk!! I have come to love eveyone of u and this forum possibly saved my life. I appriciate every post comment or whatever anyone has to say it's all a bonus to me and my life now. I really don't know what to say to really make everyone know what this forum has meant to me but I LOVE U ALL AND TY!!!!!!!!!!!!  

[jo929]

i just read about liver cancer i think what he is really looking for is friends if that is the way i read this so everyone take time out to ans please thanks everyone                                          jo

[jo929]

You are so young Your whole life is ahead of you go to AA it does not cost anything and if you feel like you want a drink call them and they will come to you and talk they are a great bunch of people just what you may need plus these people who all give good advice and listen there is a great life out there. just make up your mind or you will go down down. i hope you go up and hang in there i day at a time  lots luck   jo
also all of you guys and gals i think Loke liver cancer needs some friends startin now so help him live with his problem i know you can . all of you appear to be great    again happy thanksgiving

[ibizan]

so good 2 hear from u.been wondering how u r!nice to hear theres improvement.Please keep us posted!!!!

[Gavin3113]

ty every one for the support srry for not posting times are ...well u all know. keep up the the feed back it all helps ty. Without all of u and all of the support from this forum i don't know what i may have done. U all are great and good ppl for what and how u stay on top of the ppl reaching out and needin help here. Things are gettin better and u all have been a huge part of it ty.

[dark69meat]

Oh yeah, that too..;-)

[ibizan]

u still alive cuz ur big ornery cuss and have good diet..alcohol free diet now!

[dark69meat]

Mmm, I normally eat a lot of bananas, apples and carrot cake; maybe that's why I'm still alive!

[ibizan]

Gavin-was thinking of u last nite wondering how ur doing!uber givin u good advice...alcohol depletes potassium in bod too..bananas good source of this!Now is time of year for apples...good source of vitamin c,potassium,anti-oxidants and natural sugar!

[uberadtx]

Dont freak out if you start feeling depressed and question what you are doing.  Its all part of getting sober. Take a really good multi-vitamin and eat consistently.  Alcohol depletes you in many ways especially of Vitamin B and Niacin.  Just getting those vitamins in you can help.  I remember I craved sugar because of the amount of alcohol I consumed, my body was missing it.  Try to keep that intake low.  As funny as it sounds, the snack packs of lorna doones and oreos seemed to satisfy that sugar hit but don't eat too much of them. It takes a long time to get the alcohol out of the body and even longer for it to leave your spirit.  Drink lots of water and fruit juices and take it easy. The advice you are getting here is good and not just from me! hehehhee Definately get in touch with AA/NA, its a great resource.  And keep coming back here, let us know whats going on.

[ibizan]

Glad to hear ur feeling somewhat better.please keep us posted..do u have any sober friends?or friends that don't have the ISM we do?AA/NA were tremendous support sytems for me!hang in there dude!

[walternowotny]

What you had are typical seizures associated with withdrawal.Short(usually few seconds),tonic-clonic,generalized(the whole body) without loss of consciousness(you are fully aware of it).There is no change of mental status,no significant confusion,no fyzical pain.They usually happen 2-4th day of the withdrawal.Most often they happen when you are falling asleep of going from one phase of sleep into another.It is not DT(delirium tremens)...that is a good news.Bad news is that very shortly you may get auditory hallucinations.If you finally fall asleep you probably will have a very vivid dreams.
Another good news is that your LFT's(liver function tests) are only slightly elevated,you didn't say anything about bleeding,swelling etc.
Hang it there!If you need to go to the ER don't warry about insurance.They will have to take care of you.And don't worry about the bill......Take care of yourself.
Walter

[Gavin3113]

no no other drugs and no alcohol. i feel good today so far, will lookinto AA. Also no free clinics around so i'll stick it out. Thanks for the support and help

[ibizan]

are u drinking at all?smoking pot?any other drugs?if not the PAWS....goggle this..Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.it happens after folks stop drinking who drank large amounts of alcohol.....and even more so with large amounts of liquor.u got a free clinic round u?sometimes the docs in there good and will prescribe non-habit forming medication to ease u thru this.U do need a support group 2...how about AA?if u consume a lot of caffeine and sugary foods this will aggravate what ur feeling.fresh fruits vegetables lean meats......decent diet will aid u 2 feel better.Remember u didn't get this way overnite and its gonna take TIME for u to feel and THINK better.

[Gavin3113]

I'm having trouble getting to go back to the ER although they were great about it the first time. You see I have no insurance so this makes it harder to go and keep going because of the finacial hole that is being dug. I went to detox today and they said that the bad part was probably over because of how well i felt at the moment. So they said i could go home and i was lucky this time. So I come home feeling happier because i know i won't need to call into my job because of the 48 hour stay at detox. Being the only income provider in the house i can't afford to lose it, my job that is. Then i feel ill again and go about the routine of going into the bed room and lying there for the rest of the night. Everytime i would try and fall asleep it would feel like a wave sensation going over me and then i would go into lala land and all the sudden i would snap out of it. At first i tried and fight it because the feeling was one that scared the hell out of me. But i kept telling myself that i have to sleep so i was able to go to work. So i eventually gave into it more and more. All the sudden i woke up and said to my girl "what the @!*# was that". I started to shake pretty hard but only for a few seconds, not the shakes but my whole body jerked around for a few seconds. That was followed up by the worst "shake" shakes that i have experienced to this point of this whole ordeal lasting maybe ten minutes. No tempurture or anything scared the hell out me though. Can anyone tell me maybe what had happened. I called ER they said i could come in but seemed kind of on the fence about it. They said i have a four hour period to act if i choose to.

Thank you everyone