i dont know...

[Cici_xo]

Hello everyone, I haven't checked in a while. As I write this I am actually drunk right now, well very buzzed anyways. I'm at yet another wedding. I think I am somehow finally able to just drink a few (well like 10 or so) once in a while and can handle it. But, my cravings lately are almost unbearable. Am I tricking myself into thinking I can handle this? It's hard at weddings and especially since my 21st bday is approaching in November. Idk what to think right now.

[surfin]

Ibizan is right. If 10 drinks is a light night for you, you've got a problem. For most people, 5-8 drinks will have them staying away from the car. For me, after the 10th or 12th drink I need to make sure a 12 pack of beer or some kind of drug is around me so I don't sober up, and I'm willing to drive to get more.

Read this forum this morning when you're hungover and see how you feel about it. You're reaching out to an alcoholic recovery community, so at least you're headed in the right direction. Hope to hear from you sober

[ibizan]

if ur not ready to talk about recovery seriously when ur not drinking......then ur not ready to stop drinking....10 drinks is not a few....and posting while ur drunk at a wedding is disrespectful to this forum.....we r glad to help when ur not drunk!u have quite an elaborate spider web in ur head of rationalization....if u could untangle that u might find ur way to sobriety.and only u can untangle it!

[Cici_xo]

Because when I'm sober I know that I shouldn't drink but I know I still want to. So when I'm drinking or just not sober in some way I'm able to talk about things easier since I don't feel bad about it.

[dominosarah]

Why cant you talk about it when you are sober?

[Cici_xo]

Sarah, I didn't mean to be disrespectful. I just knew I wouldn't have been able to talk about that when I got sober again. I'm sorry.

[dominosarah]

I find this very disrespectful to come on here buzzed up.  Many of us will die, literally, if we start this cycle again.  This isnt a game to play.          sara

[rpooo]

Hi Cici,
I'm very sad for you that you gave up your sobriety. You worked so hard to maintain it just to give it up and start all back over again. Your a smart girl and I think you know the answer to your question. Many alcoholics would love to believe they can control their drinking but alcoholism is a disease and the only way to control it is with sobriety.

Its exactly like heathag said and thats the part that makes us alcoholics. I was think of you a couple of days ago and I was going to write to see how you were doing. I'm always wishing the best for you Cici. Your better than this, see how you feel about it in the morning.

Randy

[heathag]

I kno for myself i cant b around it. Or b around people who are doing it. Maybe some years from now. But i put myself in the same situation and ended up doing it everyday again. It starts out slow n before u kno it its a big mess. Good luck to u