Husband in Alcohol Rehab and do not know where

[Robinlynn1206]

I have been with my husband for 7 years, married for 4. We have went to several near death with his over drinking and several rehabs. He is not abusive to me..sweetest man you will ever meet. until he drinks..then i watch him stumble, fall, pee on himself, and pass out. This last time I left the house on Thanksgiving day due to his drunkeness and saying bad things to me..I ended up in the emergency room and hospital for 4 days with bleeding inside due to high blood pressure and stress..When I was in the hospital he had went on one of his destroying the house episodes, doing horrible things, throwing away my medicine, pictures, taking the mattress outside, before he left he cut the water hose and electirical hoses on the dryer and washing machine and flooded the house..He stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks and I told him he had to get help..just couldn't do this anymore. He called and said bye and I found out from his parents that he is in a rehab but he cant write or call..they want tell me where..I filed for divorce and it will be final in Feb..He will have no idea of the divorce..I miss him so much and I know that sounds bad, but we always had fun and did things until the drinking got heavy again. Im paying a lawyer and now I really feel guilty...His mom says let it go..but don't get a divorce..he can't work on a marriage until he works on himself..my thing is ..i need to talk to him before the divorce is final..just to see how he is doing..I am so confused..I do love him so much and miss him..Do I call off the Divorce and wait for him, do i go through with it and maybe down the road we can get back together..i just don't know what to do..

[ibizan]

U r most fortunate that ur wife got w/Al-Anon and really took to it and looked at herself!many will not look at their part in the crazy dance they do...i'm one of those that believe that young children do not belong in a AA meeting...they have seen enough...heard enough...been confused enough by the drinking of a parent.....they r too young to fully comprehend this disease and it overwhelms them.But if it worked for u for 21 years then thats a good thing!

[redbull]

Memories are flooding my mind with this thread. I do need to share that when I say something happend to me 6 mo into the AA program it totally scared my wife (I was different) she had many questions as to what was going on in those meetings. What happened to you? I think she may have resented that these meetings and these steps were doing for me what she could not do for me. I remember telling her that there's meetings for her too. That pissed her off. A few days later she went to Alanon and BAM! it happend, she was hooked. She went to as many alanon meetings as I went to AA. She was no longer confused or mad that I had something she didn't. Not real sure what she learned in there (I didn't pry) but she no longer tried to push certian buttons, stopped trying to solve my problems for me...all kinds of things were JUST different..for the good different...but different. My daughters grew up in the meeting rooms, they always came with. They would be quiet and draw pictures, they'd finish a picture and quietly walk it over to someone in the meeting and put it in front of them and walk away to draw another. Their first treehouse I built for them, I let them paint the inside of it. They were about 4 and 6 years old. They wrote out slogans with flowers and hearts...no kidding..easy does it...keep it simple...one day at a time...it was a trip, made you cry looking in there. Anyway...just wanted to add to the importance that Alanon made in the recovery of my little family 21 years ago, one day at a time.

[ibizan]

When i hear a person say I will do anything to keep this marriage 2 gether.....my reply is a marriage is 2 ppl...not just one...and the other half must do their half as well!Easy does it girl....one hour at a time..one day at a time......keep going to Al-Anon...u have been 2 ur first meeting.......yes?He needs to get his sobriety feet underneath him first......that has to be his foundation.Minus that nothing else will happen for him...or for u!Prayers for u both!:)

[redbull]

That's Awesome! This post made me cry, thankyou. I always say "If it's odd it's God" and that's odd. I also know that us alcoholics are very clever and when we're recovering alcoholics we're even more clever. I feel that it's all good. There's work involved but it's still ALL GOOD. As long as you didn't reach an empathy stage in the relationship then there's a lot of hope for it. You saying that you still love him is what hits hard with me. I'm sure that those 15 pages will be positive. I know from my experience with my initial recovery that there may be some very real and hard things in that letter, but it will be all good if your both willing to move foreward in recovery. You and John are in my prayers every night. Try and relax and think positive.

JohnNLV

[Robinlynn1206]

Well let me tell you what has happened since Thursday. Not sure how religious yall are but, here goes..Thursday night I prayed and prayed and just asked for something to let me know that he was thinking about us or if he is ok. I mean some heavy praying, reading the AA book and another self help book, the bible. Friday I got a letter from a church that said "thank you for visiting that Sunday and i'm thinking, i haven't been to this church..I called them and they called right back and said that a visitor card was filed out with my name and that it said for the pastor to contact me..On the back it said "Please pray for my husbands safe return home"..I just started crying.."here was my answer..in a small way, but an answer"..in his eyes i was there with him at church,..The pastor said he will send me the card...Today I go to church, go to the alter and pray, and pray with the pastors wife about John and how i would love to hear from him. I get home and my inlaws call and tell me that they saw him today for the first time and that he has a 15 page letter for me..He can call out but, it is long distance so that is why he has not called..Can't mail a letter he has no stamps..no one has supplied him with all of this. Now I know, all this time he has wanted to contact me but, couldn't.  His mother said she is mailing the letter to me tomorrow. Hopefully it will say how to get in touch with him..(as I still only know he goes to a church in Longview TX which the place takes them to on Sunday and Wed..) So now i sit and wait for the letter. I postponed the divorce and depending on what this letter says, all depends on if i go through with it or not. My inlaws live close enough that they took him some warm clothes and a tooth brush. You see I am 2.5 hours away but, I would be more than happy to take him a care package, go to the meetings, whatever it takes..he just needs to communicate with me. It is strange how all this has come about since I really sat down and thought about, how I was not very supportive to him these last few months..The more I read and think about his life, the more I want to be supportive, but at the same time take care of myself.  I know it is going to take alot of time to be ready to live together again but, hey, i am up for the alanon, prayers, anything I need to do to keep our marriage together. At first his parents said he could call because they thought he could since he called them a few times..but, she said she was not getting in the middle of our relationship so choose not to give me any messages from him..She told him to write me. Sounds like if it is 15 pages..it is the journal like you got tschock...I am happy right now but, at the same time nervous as to what this letter will say. I had even thought about driving to that church on a Sunday and trying to see him..but then i thought i should wait. Why drive that far to be disappointed. She said she told him about me getting the letter from the church and he smiled and then she said she told him that she had no dought in her mind that I loved him and she said he just smiled again..All i can think of is that big sweet smile of his.Thanks for all your advise and I will still keep you posted..I should get the letter Tuesday or Wednesday so we will see how things go from there. I have nothing nasty to say to him..I love this man with all my heart..and I can forgive the past and help him work on his addiction. as we can help each other through this.

[Robinlynn1206]

just wrote him a simple little card to our address..we will see where it goes..maybe he will get it..I need to be a detective..lol