I have been looking for you all.

[sassysissy244]

I am sober for the first time in about five years. I have been sober for eight months. I am a nurse and was sanctioned by the board of nursing and placed on probation. I was ordered to stay sober and clean for one year or I would loose my nursing practice. I just began to have clearity in my head, just a begining. In the mean time, I lost my home, job, income, and found peace almost. I have hit my bottom and wish to never drink a drop of ETOH ever again. But now I need AA to help clear the cobwebs and put my thoughts back on track. Oh yea, I lost common sence.

[ibizan]

in 1983 they didn't have EAP programs for employees.I took vacation to go to inpatient.My boss didn't want me to go to inpatient...said we'd lose too much business,wanted me to do recovery outpatient.i said no, I need to do this!so i did came back to work and 19 months later they handed me a your job position has  been abolished letter!I was asked to not attend 12 step in the community...to drive an hour away...they were embarassed by one of their own going to meetings locally.I said no way to this too!I was told if i wanted to fight it they'd use my addiction to prove me incompetent...just be a good girl go quietly and we'll give u good references!i consulted an attorney who asked me why i wanted litigation.....i replied i'm angry at how i'm being done here!she said not good enuf!do u really want to work there?ur life will be made miserable!and who is going to hire u when u have to go to a federal court to sue ur old employer?hmmm another good point!the last one was a judge will probably rule against u.......count ur losses and go elsewhere!so i took unemployment and it was soon to run out and i landed the job i'm at today.it was very humbling and anger inducing to have unemployment office employees laughing at me.....u w/ a masters degree?u think we can find u a job?????i NEVER lost a job drunk/drugged...but lost one sober!it taught me to NEVER sink ur self worth in a job!

[sassysissy244]

Thank you. Your story certainly sounds familiar. Its like I am telling my tale. Money, degrees, deniel. You held a professional job, did you leave your job?

[ibizan]

no our stories are different but our drinking symptoms the same......loss of control, blackouts drunk driving spending  too much money hangovers etc.......i had 2 college degrees and held a professional job....i was too smart to have a problem...but too dumb to know the difference.....oh yes how we rationalized and denied our way through it all......i used my degrees and good work record to deny it.......then i just got sick n tired of being sick n tired........and here i b 2 day!

[sassysissy244]

So did you too loose your possessions? Or, are all/every story similar with the begining at the bottom of a dark, lonely, miserable pitt, penniless almost homeless, broken relations of all sorts? I am so happy to admit I am an alcoholic. I can now start the process of healing with out the shame that kept me trapped. I have been looking for a forum of this sort for a long time. Thank you for shareing this space and you experience.

[rod44]

The happy fight begins with surrender, we surrender our old ways, our old ways of thinking & doing  that was influenced by our need for alcohol. We need to get honest with ourselves & others, we start by making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. We need to look at our "Character defects" To do this we must be honest. In AA they talk about "a spiritual awaking" My spiritual awaking was not in a religious sense but in a feeling of peace of mind free from the insanity of life in the bottle, not having to live with the fear & paranoia and insanity that was my life when I was drinking is a blessing, it is a happy place . To be in control of my life and to be able to manage my life. To have relationships with people who are important to me and to recognize how my drinking hurt them was an important step in recovery. The key to this was the twelve steps of AA, understanding the steps and how to work the steps came through my sponsor. In early sobriety I did not want to practice these steps and found I was acting just like the dishonest paranoid fearful drunk I had been for years and the only thing missing was the drink. It was people with good sobriety that pointed out that I was slipping and directed me back on track. I wanted to fight the battle on my terms, to do it my way. My way was if I am to be honest was to get my health back, get some money back in my bank account and if I decided I wanted to drink then so be it......

[sassysissy244]

I know we never have a grip on sobriety. It is elusive and forever just here for as long as we struggle and fight for its benefits. However, you have learned the right way to battle the bottle for the last seven years. Congratulations. I have chased the wrong elements in life for the last 40 years. I seemed to thrive on pain. I want to know a way to peatce and learn a happy fight. Is there such a thing.

[rod44]

Sometimes we need to loose everything before we hit rock bottom, family, homes friends and jobs and sometimes even that is not enough and we drink until we die.
Getting & staying sober is for life, I am terrified by what could happen should I ever pick up that first drink, I live each day by working my recovery program, I know how cunning & powerful addiction is and I learned just how easy it is to slip. Good for you on getting sober, do it first for you and everything else will follow but do it for you because you want it. Get to some meetings and get a sponsor.....


Best of luck :)

Ray