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I messed up! :(
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I messed up! :(

so I was 12 days sober from alcohol and I went out last night and ended up taking 4 shots! Ugghhhh! I'm not hungover or sick today, but I was so proud of myself while I was sober and now I just feel ashamed, it just proves I can't go to nightclubs right now it anywhere I have triggers thrown at me the whole time, to be honest I need to take this as a lesson learned. Just don't feel good about myself, I don't want to think I'm hopeless! One day at a time so today I will not drink.
14 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
It's okay, just start over. :) Remove yourself from the temptation until you feel you are strong enough to be around it!
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2126606_tn?1346348724
Do not be so hard on yourself.  I believe that your outlook shows your commitment to sobriety.  In life, you will fall down but it’s how fast you pick yourself up that shows how remarkable you are.

Be proud of your willpower, strength and determination to keep fighting. God Bless!
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Avatar_f_tn
Yea I agree, have to stay away until my mental is sturdy ! Thanx ;)
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Avatar_f_tn
Hello Clare Waismann Kavin
I really appreciate your response, I started feeling sick and actually threw up, and started getting really bad anxiety , the shakes , headache and all, so I actually drank 3 beers to feel sane. I'm just resting now, will try not to drink if I don't have to. And start fresh tomorrow. Do u think it is a good idea to see an addiction counselor? I just want to do whatever it takes to try my best to stay sober.
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Avatar_m_tn
Trouble,
Many of us have had some time sober and messed up.You have to take one day and finish that day sober and take the next day and complete that day sober and deal with each day after that the same way until you string together a few days then weeks months and so on.

You can do this, you wouldn't be here talking about it if you didn't think you had a problem. Try a few AA meetings and see if you get some help there. An addiction counselor might help. talk to someone you have some trust in to help with an idea.
Do you have a Dr. who might help you?
You did it for 12 days do it for 12 more and just add to it!
Keep your guard up and avoid places that cause you to crave.
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Avatar_f_tn

You drank 3 beers "to feel sane" - Beer is alcohol and alcohol does not contribute sanity.

You will try not to drink if You don't "have to" - You don't HAVE to.

and Yes!!  it's a good idea to see an addiction counselor

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Avatar_f_tn
U've gotten some great advice here from several ppl......sure hope u heed it!
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3060903_tn?1390303996
dealing with addiction is so darned complicated, when i finally found the light, i was in an outpatient rehab, and with an addictions counselor we went through my entire life's history, uncovering all kinds of hidden shame that i had picked up growing up that contributed to the shame i felt for myself as an adult. Yes, if it went through your head that an addictions therapist might help, then listen to your heart on that. So many are not well enough to hear that inner diaglogue, and the reason you are at this point is because of the clean time, the sane time that you have fought for and won. Congrats on the days you had clean and sober. There's no way you're anywhere close to ready to go to a nightclub dear one. Had you a sponsor, or spoken to us here, there would have been no ambiguity. It sounds like you were somehow expecting to stay sober, on some level, and I think you're kidding yourself there. An addicts mind is a mine field of contradictiion. You sabotaged yourself, knowingly, on some level. Keep showing up, everyday and talking about what's happening in your life, including the week ends, the addicted mind cannot take a holiday on the week end. I would suggest using a tracker, if you're not, and every other tool available, if sobriety and the loss of the compulsion to drink is what you're seeking. Out yourself, tell your friends you can't drink. Tell yourself, you don't ever "have to" use. If someone told you to jump off a bridge.....  

Rosyouralright had a very thoughtful quote of the day today from Abraham Lincoln that I have written down to bear in mind daily. , it might help you as well on your journey.  Thanks Rosy.....

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.

Have a great week, and watch your weekend triggers. It's a rookie mistake. Over ride a few of these week ends, and slowly but surely you too will lose the compulsion to drink.  It's got nothing to do with dumb luck, or even prayer, it' takes work work work. Time for you to get to work on the solution and follow the rules. If you want what sober individuals have.

"A
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3060903_tn?1390303996
We've all messed up ~ :(
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Avatar_m_tn
i used to find it so cliche' about not taking the first drink. now 3 months sober,still dealing with temptation, that i just CANT have the first drink. Every next day, I realize that I didnt NEED that drink. I know all to well about the self beatdown, and I can really whip my own ***. Keep your head up, and dont whip your own *** anymore.
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Avatar_f_tn
Addict3- believe me I know I have a problem! I do go to AA meetings , started about a week ago, I don't have a Dr. But was thinking of talking to an addiction counselor.

Ttinkkerbbell- I meant to say I drank the beer bcuz my hangover was bad and my body was physically needing it bcuz I felt really sick , after I drank it , it calmed me down and I ate and started drinking alot of water and started hydrating myself. Before that I couldn't hold anything down, what I shouldn't have done was drank the day b4 so u wouldn't have had a hangover.

Nighthawk61- I agree I pretty much set myself up going to that club , during this vulnerable and weak time in my life. I think it will be good for me to talk to an addiction counselor , I just don't feel strong mentally like I did the first time I quit drinking , but I think that has to do with the stupid evil norco pills I started taking, I can tell they have made me have so much anxiety and fear into my brain , it's like I'm always nervous about my future actions and just always feel paranoid and feel like I can't trust my own judgements about my choices, I feel like I'm stupid or something,
I really want to stay sober and want to train my brain to be strong again and have strengthen my will power!, what is a tracker? Did the addiction counseling help u?
I just don't feel happy like I use to, I don't have the ambition, determination about anything, I feel depressed and just like a zombie with my emotions. I know it's probably from those pills, Iam 12 days sober off of them. I use to be determined an ambitious about work, i mean just the littlest things to do and be so excited for the rewards , I don't feel nothing like that now, all I think about is the negative in EVERYTHING! I use to be so optimistic and full of energy and happiness when I was sober, not anymore! It's so sad!

Dunson- I like how u say every next day u tell your self u didn't have to have a drink , very positive way to think bcuz u did survive, I just think right now I don't think like that bcuz I know I have things to go and responsibilities to take care of but don't have not one motivated bone in my body and I get even more stressed about not accomplishing anything everyday, I can't even go to work, bcuz I'm so scared to go , Iam a waitress and get tempted there, so I'm not making money :(
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3060903_tn?1390303996
Ahh! I'm glad i looked in on this again ~ it's possible that you should be thinking about getting an office job and not putting yourself through the temptation, plus it' seems you're going to need to, financially,
man, when i quit booze i would have to chart a map to get home that didn't inlcude liquor stores, clubs, or restaurants, i couldn't go near a bar, nevermind working in one. I just quit going to restaurants, it's easier and cheaper to eat at home, and i had to get my music fix eslewhere than clubs, there's alot of rules you have to make for yourself, that being said, i'm so sorry that your work involves liquor......i REALLY feel for you...
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3060903_tn?1390303996
I didn't hold any money for well over a year.........
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6050747_tn?1378957943
It's tough with alcohol being everywhere and a part of so many things/functions. I just refuse to go into a bar/restaurant for now (I have 17 days sobriety). It's too tempting for me. I also stopped listening to certain music for now just because it was drinking music to me. Certain people I don't want to be around because they drink and make me feel urges to drink. Just try to refrain from some of your usual hangouts and/or friends for a while until you are stronger. It's not easy, but that's why they say "one day at a time."
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