I think I have a problem

[usia55]

I am a 52 yo female, work almost full time and go to school full time. I have a great life, wonderful husband, beautiful home and will be graduating at the top of my class with honors in  5 weeks. I eat healthy foods, I exercise several times a week and  I also drink.  A lot. I drink 12 bottles  or more of beer just about every other day. Yes, I have a hangover and it affects my health and my life. Menopause has not been easy on me and I've been drinking more since it started 2 years ago. I have a problem, right? Would you say I'm an alcoholic?  I know I need to stop, but somehow I always tell myself that it's OK to have a drink just this time and it's not really a problem.  I think I need to hear an ugly truth about myself and how it affects my health and  need to stop!  Please comment?

[ibizan]

ur in my prayers girl...i say u go usia55.....u go with not drinking!:)))))

[usia55]

Will take all the advice I can get.  Thanks!

[ibizan]

in moments of frustration and general mind chaos i have found that a good brisk walk did wonders....spring is springing here.....and it is needed and will occur with a new bouncing boy greyhound in the house!also thought about this.....i used to be very obsessive compulsive about my home and other things....everything had to be under control..in tight order..it drove me nuts or better put i drove myself nuts with it.....the longer i have stayed sober my mind has relaxed on this.

[usia55]

I'm not competent to answer that since I'm not familiar with either one.  I'm just going to stay away from drinking one day at a time and hopefully it works. After all I was able to quit smoking years ago with no problems.  Mind over matter, right?   I think that every evening when I think of reaching for a beer, I'll do a yoga instead and see if that works.
I'm sorry TJack that you're struggling, and I do know something about self-hate since I've been there. Aren't we lucky to gave great spouses, though? Today, I'm determined to have another great day!  Good luck and keep in touch.

[ibizan]

i've seen good results with Campral over naltrexone!

[TJack]

Have any of you heard of vivitrol or naltrexone?  I just ran across them on the pc.
The vivitrol is a once a month shot and naltrexone is similar but a pill taken daily.
Suppose to take all cravings away for alcohol??   I want it.  I am starting to hate myself more daily.  Did i ever go off the deep end yesterday.  Don't even remember most of it, which may be a blessing.  My poor husband is so loving and is afraid for me.  
I don't have an appt. until monday with my dr.  I doubt she would be able to give me this shot, but possibly she could the pills.  I feel so hopeful.  I will go to  aa also, but I know I cannot do this without something to help me.
Well girls, anyone know anything about this? Thanks. TJack

[ibizan]

well here i am..not drinking and have fallen off the exercise wagon which i need to get back on!was taking yoga for several years and teacher switched class to a nite i had to work late......would do on own get lazy.....then found a cardio class i dug and the instructor who is a kickboxer stepped it up 2 a level of intensity that made my knees and ankles ache......but damn i kept up with the 25 yr.old hardbodies!gave that up.....and my beloved greyhound had a relapse with his autoimmune disorder in jan.we all moved downstairs and tended to his needs...sporadic progress but lost him 3-27.been in  a slump somewhat but coming out of it....finally went back upstairs and have been sleeping in own bed!new boy greyhound coming 4-20 to lift our spirits and energy level......but u ladies inspire me with the exercise!thank u!both of u girls go and go on not drinking!:))))))

[usia55]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.  I can totally see myself in your comments, but never really thought that my drinking may be due to my need to give up the tight grip I have on everything else in my life. So.. someone else out there exercises, watches their diet and......drinks. I guess I'm not so unique after all.  I never was tempted or needed any drugs, prescription or otherwise so I'm lucky there.   I love animals and share a house with 2 cats who are my best buddies.  Today was a good day, and I'm going to try for another one tomorrow.

[ibizan]

i like that...and its possible eh?my greyhounds and cats are the bastion of whats left of my sanity....LOL:))))) i do think GOD is dog spelled backwards!:))))))

[horse1]

thanks for your comments...i, too, remember joan osborne's song..it was funny...maybe god is all of us, not one of us lol.

[ibizan]

i can relate to ur sentiments bout AA....i had 12 years of Catholic school and God stuffed down my throat......but it was the first place i was given permission to b-lieve as i chose..or not...or to view the power of the group as good......there is that saying take what u can use and leave the rest......and i did...but met fine ppl who helped me...and i knew i could not stay sober alone sitting in my apt.staring at my siamese cat as she stared back!I'm not sure if there is a God....i hope so....i loved Joan Osbornes song in 1995 that raised a furor...What if God was One of us?but both NA and AA helped me.....i am an eclectic....and an avid reader...i embrace whatever can help me....I have a sister who is a Buddhist and have found their teachings to be great stress managment stuff plus trying to live a good life philosophy!

[horse1]

omg this sounds like me, too. i am 51 yo single working mom putting son thru college with no financial help. responsible to a fault, never late on mortgage; same job for 30 yrs. yet when i drink, i don't give a rat's *** about anything and it feels SO good to give up all that control for a while. except the next day i am hungover and feel like **** on toast and want to beat myself up. not to mention the blackouts...it is indeed a slippery slope.

i exercise vigorously, eat well and do not smoke. i drink at least a bottle of wine on weekend nites. in the past i have been on paxil, prozac, serzone, xanax for depression & anxiety and was hooked on sleep meds (ambien, lunesta, restoril) for 10 yrs and managed to wean myself off about 6 months ago. however, the booze seems to quell my anxiety temporarily so i keep doing it.

i tried aa for about a year in my mid-40s, didnt work the steps, and couldnt "surrender my will" bc i am atheist and do not believe any1 is in charge of my actions except for me. i just cant seem to get past that.

my doc wanted me to take trazadone (god forbid) to get off the booze, but i said no. i would love to be able to relax and have a good time w/o alcohol but yes, it seems like i have 2 personas - the responsible one and the one that is carefree, wild and crazazy...

just thought i would share...good luck.

[usia55]

No, I haven't.  I've been so busy that I haven't been to the Dr. in couple of years.  I know I should and I will as soon as school is over.  I'm starting again today....

[ibizan]

i was told in AA that the only way i will keep what i have is 2 give it away!so glad i can help others even if by words only.....even tho i haven't used for a long time i do remember the early days..and all my attempts to control my use.....what a joke! and or stop..and i wasn't successful..but the day came when i was...one hour atta time..one day atta time.....we both know u can do this...u gave up smoking...that is tough and u have a lot to b grateful for.....and they r behind u as well!have u talked to ur doctor about Campral?

[usia55]

Thank you. You're doing a lot of good even if you don't know who you help,  because a lot of us lurk on this site. However, whatever you say does not go unnoticed....I'll try to take your advice to heart even though I'm so disappointed with myself. Thanks for caring and thanks for cyberhug and a prayer!  I think I need it.

[ibizan]

appreciate ur honesty....it is not a losing battle dear..it is one to be wagered.....yesterday is done and the best u can do is do ur damndest to not repeat it!stay in touch.....usia55 added 2 my prayer list!big cyberhug!:))))))

[usia55]

Ibizan, I'm impressed with what you've achieved, both academically and personally. Thanks for sharing that.  Well, I have not done so well in the past few days despite my resolve.  I am very discouraged and disappointed with myself.  Seems like a losing battle.  I said I'll keep in touch and even though I'm not proud of myself, I had to own up.  I'll try again....

[ibizan]

I used that analogy to illustrate that i 2 used to have that dubl life....the acheiver..hard worker,everything looking stellar on outside then when i drank...whammo!It was not meant to assess u hard was trying to relate!i went thru my bachelors degree,masters degree...and 2 hi-profile professional jobs drinking/drugging in the after hours.I rationalized i couldn't have a problem...look what i had acheived?i wasn't as bad as the  person next to me in the bar sliding offa the barstool.....oh no not me....and then the day came when i couldn't deny it anymore......the blackouts,horrible hangovers,the suicidal ideation......the lite thank God went on upstairs yelling u cannot control this it controls u and is ruining ur life!I use descriptive terms meant to create a picture!i am a writer that yearns to be one if u can tell!:)))))))

[usia55]

You are so hard in you assessment and so cold at the same time  - it hurts.  That's the idea, right?

[ibizan]

ah yes the Ms.Jekyll Ms.Hyde think persona with the acheivements,being a hard worker.......THEN factor inthe alcohol!i remember it well!u keep up the no drink one hour atta time one day atta time!

[usia55]

Thanks for your comment, it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I can't reconcile the 2 sides of my personality....one that's so much on track and the other drinking way too much and not really caring so much about anything.  Other than manopause, I really have no reason to be doing this  I originally drank wine, but it bothered my stomach so I switched to beer.  That also bothers me, but I keep doing it.  I've done OK for couple of days now and hopefully I can last.  My husband doesn't pressure me to stop because I am holding a job and I'm doing so great with school and keeping up with everything else, but for how long?  Congrats to you on 4 days sober.  I know it's hard and it's a great achievement.  ***Ibizan*** so far, so good!  Thank you all.  

[ibizan]

has ur doctor mentioned Campral to curb ur cravings?

[TJack]

Sorry my last post was meant for usia55. tjack

[TJack]

I read your post and it reminded me so of myself.  Only instead of the beer usually, it has been more than a bottle of wine.   I went to the dr. and he wanted me to go into inpatient treatment.  well, long story short the insurance won't cover.  So, i am going to go to aa and i found an all womens group about 15 min. from me, in another town actually.  This is day 4 of sobriety for me an i haven't made a meeting yet but with prayer and support from husband and dear friends I am doing good.  
I want to congratulate you on your accomplishment with graduating with honors.  Hon, you have a great life.  I do as well.  Beautiful little grand daughters that adore me and I must do this for them as well as me.  I absolutely hit rock bottom the other night and my husband, unlike what you said has been on my case, not mean just lovingly saying it has to stop.  Do this for yourself and your family.  You will be so glad.    I too am in menopause but i do wear the combipatch.  It does wonders.  But, does not stop the desire to drink I hate to say.  Please continue to post.  TJack