Just looking for friends.

Hi. I've been an alcoholic since I was 13. It was depression issues then, its just an addiction now. I don't drink a lot when I do, but I'm just afraid of the time I'm going to stop caring and let go. I'm 18 now, 19 soon, and do my best to stay away from it, but sometimes you just don't care anymore, you know? I've been on and off sober for the last 3 years because of my amazing boyfriend, but when we have problems, I tend to crawl back into the bottle. I usually only drink when I'm really, REALLY angry. Not such a good thing, no, but it calms me down.

I guess I should put out there that addiction runs down my dads side of the family - he used to smoke, his mother and father as well, his mother was an alcoholic, and she came from a disgraced noble family in the UK. Her parents, mother was an alcoholic, father a smoker and heavy gambler. Don't know past there.

Really why I'm here is just to find people who are going through something similar to me. I have a few alcoholic friends, but they don't want to give it up - but then who does when they're 20 or 21 (usually)? I know I have a problem, and I know I can control it if I want to. I'm not looking to go to AA or anything, just someone I can communicate with at random.

I'll be back online later tonight.

[rod44]

Hi,
There is no such thing as “controlling it” if you have a problem with drink and sadly it sounds like you may have then it controls you. As alcohol is a depressant you need to ask yourself if the depression was the reason you drank as a child or if you got depressed as a result of your drinking.

Re the anger. Dose the drink fix the reason that makes you angry or dose it mask the problem. If you have any emotional problems drink will not solve them.

don’t worry about the family history, get yourself sorted and do it for yourself.

Keep in mind that the down and out you see lying in on the street was just like you at one point in their life, they thought they could control their drinking, alas they could not. There but for the grace of god go I.
The longer the problem is aloud to progress the harder it is to quit.

AA is a choice you and only you can make
as a member of AA On the one hand it saddens me to see teenagers and young adults coming to meetings whose lives have been destroyed by drink, some are there by choice others are there because they have nowhere left to go. I can only but admire and respect their courage, the courage to get help They all say the same thing “I tried to do it myself but could not, now I need help“. some make it others sadly do not.
if in the past alcoholism was seen to be an older persons illness it most certainly can no longer be seen as such    
rod44

[goobers666]

hi. yeah, addiction runs on my dad side too. He was an alcoholic when i was little, among other things. I didn't really know what was going on being so young, but by the time I turned 13 I got drunk for the first time, (depression as well) it helped, it helped. I drank on and off through middle school then high school i had become a hardcore binge drinker. Then I didn't touch the stuff for a while, I turned to drugs and got addicted. But I've quit drugs and have found myself back to binge drinking. its like a vicious cycle. I get the shakes the morning after all the time, no hang over though, but I realize how self destructive it is. the shakes can be quite nerve racking and is only a sign of serious damage. Still its hard to stop, so its good that you want to change, that you want to stop and you should before it gets any worse. I believe alcohol can be considered the real gateway drug. Ive never gone through AA or rehab or anything, i kinda just quit on my own but when you get started again its harder to quit each time, so I've heard. Stay strong, stay positive.