Lost in Alcoholism.....

[frenchie80461]

So I posted my first question in the comment box...sorry. Now I know.  Hi everyone...I am married to an alcoholic.  She had a trumatic experience about 5 years ago where she lost her first husband in a snowmobile crash and held his head in her arms as he died.  Never got over it. Has been depressed and drinking straight vodka for the better part of 4 years now. Got to the point now where she is so weak and frail she looks like a holocaust victim.  Was in the hospital for about a  month to learn how to walk again.  She was diagnosed with pancreatitis and cirrhosis.  She's a mess.  Got out of the hopsital, went 2 weeks clean then relapsed.  Gave her the ultimatum of either going back to Oregon to detox at her mom's or find a rehab .  rehabs won't take her cause she can't work to cover her room and board, mom won't take her cause HER husband just died and it's not a good time.  So then of course she gets more depressed and takes to drinking.  I have moved upstairs and we are now seperated.  I can't find myself to just kick her out, can't do it....but she has nowhere to go.  What to do......

[julie1224]

I am so sorry to here more of the story it just doesn't get better does it.  your right you shouldn't be an enabler.  If i were u i would do what ever it took to make her realize you are not tollerating it any more.  You need to be strong for you you need to work on you.  You cant control what she does but you can control what you do and how much you'll take.  I wish you all the luck in the world!  If you ever need someone who will listen you can add me as a friend and send a message.
Smile
Julie

[frenchie80461]

I know all about hitting rock bottom. I've been ther myself with other things.  But I pulled myself out...I think in my heart that this is a weakness and I am angry that she doesn't have the same drive and ambition I had.  So far she has put me in jail a couple times ( only for a few day...) but also I've had to spend thousands on DV classes ( NEVER hit her...just LOUD arguments which caused her to call 911..) and went through therapy classe.  This is a small town and even the police told me after taking her report that they arrested the wrong person.  So meanwhile, I'm spending all this money and I'm the one getting treatment while sh'es at home getting liquored up.  I have to say that I'm not too impressed with the judicial system . Nevertheless, I DO still love her.....I think.  Hard to say as I have never really met my wife.  Spoke to her friends that she once had and told me she was a fireball....never at home....hiking , kayaking, crafty, artsy...blah blah blah..so this ***** because I never really met my wife and am ( or was ) anxioux to meet her . But I'm losing hope.  I prayed with her tonight.   I cut her off the vodka and I know that there might be serious consequenses to this such as seizures, heart palpitations, even coma or death.but I CAN"T AND WON''T BE THE ENABLER ANY LONGER. No matter what the end results.  I have had it.  My love has limits and I beleive in my hear she knows what she's doing.  Won't be the sucker any longer.  This woman was a productive, active, fullfilling person in society and by God I will no settle for seconds....sorry if I seem inconsiderate or uncaring but **** man....there has to be limits, no?
Julie....thanks for your imput. And you too Ray.  From my family's point of view it's easy to look in from outside the box and criticize because they haven't been there and I REALLY appreciate your comments. I'm at my wits end .  Ready to do something drastic but the Lord won't let me so here I am.  Lost.  Frustrated. Confuse. Angry. Resentful.

[rod44]

I would advise you to find help for yourself first, this is a very difficult time for you both, Your wife needs counselling to help her deal with her loss as well as for her drinking, this must be her choice, you however also need help. I would suggest you get to an al anon meeting.

Best of luck

Ray

[julie1224]

maybe thats what she needs to hit her rock bottom.  It sounds like u still love her very much.  Tell her that and tell her that you love her so much that u won't watch her die,  because thats excatly whats going to happen.  I feel so sorry for those who their addiction has them so close to death.  It is going to be really had but it can be done.  remind her of all she has to live for.  remind her of all those who love her.  remind her of everyone who will miss her when she passes.  I know holding her dieing husband had to be horrible but basically she making the choice to make you go through the same thing.  Maybe tell her that you understand what she went through because ur going through the same thing and ask her if thats far to you?  you will have to live through the same thing.  best of luck keep me posted
smile
Julie