What does this mean...

[sipar82]

Hello, I'm not even sure where to begin. I'm 32 years old and I'm a social drinker. However, I've been a closet drinker (on and off)  as well since I was about 11 years old. I've stopped and started over the years for various reasons but in the last year or so things have gotten worse. At one point towards the end of summer in 2014 I realized  that my social drinking had turned into everyday to numb the pain drinking. So I slowed my self down from everyday drinking to maybe a couple times a week then to once every couple of weeks. Despite slowing down I have noticed that after a night of drinking (not heavily at all) I can't remember things. There's bits and pieces of the night gone from my memory. Sometimes even if I'm just at home eating I'll make food (that I remember) but I won't find any dishes for a couple of days and it will be in a part of the house that I didn't have any business in with an empty dish. That type of situation is minor to me and I usually laugh it off. But there have been worse situations like walking to a store (at night) and losing half of the walk and losing some groceries on the way home and not knowing where they went or what happened. I've experienced losing time before with heavy drinking but even light drinking does this to me now. Is this a sign of bad things to come if I don't stop drinking all together?

[CML2014]

Hi Sipar,

You have gotten some excellent advice her. Please think long and hard about what you want from your future.

I was a lot worse than you , always drunk, needing to party, getting sick, blackouts and worse. I just got so tired of it all. All the lies, especially to myself. I quit when I was 37 and never looked back. So dear girlfriend you have a chance to regain your life back.....and I will pray that you find the strength to do what needs to be done---Stay Sober---only you can do this for yourself. Please love yourself enough to try!

Prayers are with you,'
CML

[lively2430]

Eventually it will kill u, not over night,  I've been to AA meeting since I was 13 now 24, lol it doesn't matter who or what is in the rooms the decision to quit is the finally answer  ,,, are u capble of going forever n not drinking have u hit rock bottom? Those are the questionquestions not will God cure u of ur problems lol the choice is urs,  are u ready to stop n change???  Final question u need to ask ur self before ur done, good luck sweetheart long road ahead

[msdelight]

Long term drinking from childhood takes a toll on the liver. Small amounts of alcohol leading to blackouts tells me your liver isn't detoxing the booze as well anymore.  Alcohol is a serious poison. You should avoid it altogether or it will kill you.

[TTinKKerBBell]

Your last question:
"Is this a sign of bad things to come?"

answer:  
Yes, bad things are coming !! - if You continue to drink.

The reason One has blackouts is because alcohol disrupts the activity of SEVERAL neurotransmitters in SELECT areas of the brain - areas that are primarily responsible for encoding & storing short term memories & THEN transitioning them into long term memory.  Therefore, when these receptors shut down, short term memories FAIL to become long term memory.  I think I sorta repeated myself there but that's okay.  Maybe You need to hear this twice.

Alcohol doesn't go through the "normal" digestive process - 80% goes straight to Your blood stream (only 20% is digested through Your stomach in the 'normal' way) So - it doesn't matter what alcohol You are drinking (beer, wine or liquor) or the quantity You have had, whatever - it occurs because of the LEVEL of alcohol in Your blood

You've been drinking "off and on" for 21 Years.  That's a VERY long time.  Plus, You started drinking when You were a child.  You hadn't even grown all Your brain cells yet (brain cells continue to grow until we are in our early 20's)  I would say, You've upset the apple cart in the first place, in the 2nd place we know that alcohol is very damaging to Our bodies and to Our brains.  You need to stop drinking altogether.  

I hope You will return here for support and I hope You will take the advice from Ibizan and NightHawk61 who have walked in Your shoes and know what They speak

GoodLuck

[Nighthawk61]

What you are experiencing is advanced stage alcoholism. you don't have to drink everyday to be an alcoholic, you only need to have consequences, which for you is blacking out. Very dangerous stuff. You can be  alcoholic and not experience huge withdrawal symptoms. That's how is was for me, until it wasn't. With alcoholism , if it hasn't happened, it just hasn't happened yet.
Your alcoholism is progressive . I quit in 99, but i know if i were to drink, i would drink more than one, and would drink until i got drunk, and i would black out , every time. Just like the day i finally got it together and quit.

But i didn't get to quit alone in a vacuum. I had to avail myself to the rooms of AA.(after going to an outpatient rehab).  It was a blessing. There I was able to bond with other women and other mothers, and get to know some good men too. One of which I am with now. We are both sober since 99. It is up to you to decide, if like step one in the 12 steps and traditions of AA states, You are powerless over alcohol and your life has become unmanageable. It is up to you do decide if you want the consequences to end. Once you do, and you have a "desire to quit" there will be many helping hands if you get yourself to a "closed " meeting and listen and participate (when you are comfortable). AA can be an oasis if you enter with an open mind.It is suggested to get a "sponsor" who has sobriety that you admire. You would then have someone to talk to prior to your picking up again. It's worked for thousands, maybe millions of people and it could work for you too.  I hope you consider quitting for good, otherwise the consequences will continue to progress.

We're always here to talk. You can also use AA online, but i loved being able to go out for coffee and barb b ques with friends that i met while attending AA.

[lively2430]

Our story's sound the same exactly I'm 24 n been drinking like u since I was 9, I did the slow down thing was sober foe 4 months n started drinking again,  but like it is crazy to only have a couple drinks n black out, I thought I was alone n I wouldn't tell anyone bc I've blacked out so much just kinda use to it,  but it is scary not knowing wtf ur doing  specailly me i got anger issuses , lol so to not know what I did is scary lol I don't have an answer but ur not alone

[ibizan]

Blackouts are indicative of a SERIOUS alcohol problem!one walks talks and functions or so they believe under the influence of a LOT of alcohol,then the next day there isn't a recollection of the nite before,or very hazy or just bits and pieces.Being female and walking to a store at nite doesn't sound like rational thinking.I live in a rural area and we,like many states across the USA have a serious opiate problem here.Addicts trying to rob ppl here in this little berg and B&E's have risen 45% in our felony court system!!!I would think in Buffalo NY just not a good idea when your in a weakened state from the drinking,let alone being sober!Closet drinker since age 11?????RED LIGHTS are flashing here for me,are they for you?