Please help worried re withdrawal

[hollygirl1972]

Hi all.

I have been drinking a lot for the last three years since my dad died.  I drink half a bottle of wine four to five times a week but the last two weeks it has been every night.

I know this is not a huge, huge amount as my dad was an alcoholic and drank a litre of martini and wine everyday.  However I have stopped because my reasons for drinking were bad - anxiety severe and depression.  But I am now scared as I am having mega bad anxiety since not drunk last two days and also keep getting breathing issues (i get them anyway I have chronic hyperventilation syndrome).  I looked on this forum and read some of the stuff re detox and now am scared to death.

I have insomnia and bad anxiety but no shakes as such or other things.  Is the amount I drink enough to do me serious damage when I stop?  I have stopped in the past for weeks at a time - including three weeks about three months ago - but the last three months have been pretty heavy.  After I had a bad experience my anxiety came back bad so the red wine has been five or six nights a week for a few months now.  Could I be in danger of serious side effects from suddenly stopping?

I dont know even if I am an alcoholic because I never drink to get drunk (or very rarely like once every six months), I dont have blackouts or any other stuff but I just crave my red wine to make me feel relaxed and like I can forget about my breathing problems for a few hours.  It also makes me sleep.

I wondered about AA but dont want to be there if they will not take me seriously because obviously I am not drinking massive amounts - but certainly to excess.  Anyway sorry for this rambling post but I feel really scared.  Scared of the anxiety, scared of my need to drink but scared to stop in case my life becomes one long panic attack!  Any help or replies would be great.

Thanks,
Holly.

[rod44]

I imagine any breathing problem is distressing, I hope the doctors can get to the crux of the problem….

I don’t know about the “I think I need the AA input to keep me strong when the breathing is bad and I think a couple of glasses of wine will give me a couple of hours escape!”

I think you are getting a little bit confused here. If you feel you have a drink problem you go to AA to get help, remember that people who are in AA are fighting to beat there addiction some are fighting for there lives and it would be an injustice to go there for anything other than getting sober.
This to me sounds like a cop out, an excuse to drink. i will drink just a few glasses of wine.... Think about what you need to do but be honest with yourself. It must come from within,

[hollygirl1972]

Yeah my view on anti depressants is similar.  I stayed on Prozac for a few months but it made me much worse - then the citalopram gave me suicidal thoughts so had to come off that.  

I was up till four in the morning last night gasping for breath again.  I am seeing my doctor tomorrow and am going to bloody well demand she sends me to a breathing clinic.  I have had this problem for eight years.  It is always bad but some nights it is horrendous.  It makes me feel so ill.  So hopefully if that is sorted some how then I wont have that drain on my energy - it also makes me very anxious as you feel as if you are sufocating all the time.

It is one of the reasons I liked the wine - it does not make the breathing issue go away but relaxed me around it.

I would quite like some more counselling - i have done quite a bit of cbt and not found it too good.  But dont know if that is because of the particular counsellors?

I am really glad that with AA and counselling you have got better - I do truly think it is the best way.  I have read a lot of stuff about SSRI's that puts me off as well as my own experiences!

I think I need the AA input to keep me strong when the breathing is bad and I think a couple of glasses of wine will give me a couple of hours escape!

[rod44]

Hi holly, just to answer your question about Antidepressants, the answer is no not any more, I take valium 5mg’s per day for vertigo caused by a brain disorder (Chiari malformation type 1) that I also suffer from. I was taking many drugs such as efexor, seroxat and lithium to mention a few. I have felt that these drugs were of little or no benefit so I decided to try the counselling route. This combined with AA and my own belief that I could get well is the reason I am well today. I would not presume to advise anyone not to take medication, this was how I dealt with my illness.
I understand the problems with the NHS, our own HSE is in a mess and for a country of it size we have the highest suicide rates of 18 to 24 year olds in Europe

Talk to your GP about meds that may suet you BUT keep trying the counselling route. Remember that anxiety is very treatable but like alcoholism you need to remove the causes or triggers and to do this you need to identify them, drugs will not help you achieve this, counselling can

[hollygirl1972]

Hey Ray,

I was actually in CBT therapy and the therapist I had was great.  Because I had some major trauma issues as well as what she called small t trauma events too she did this thing called ACT therapy with me (acceptance and commitment therapy) it is based on mindfulness and i found it brilliant.  But she left to go and work in the NHS full time (and the waiting list there for me is twelve months because I am not seen as urgent - even though i am an anxious wreck who sleeps little and cannot breath - but urgent is suicidal, self harming, psychotic etc and we have had a massive rise in this suicidal category in UK due to recession so system under strain) - so sent me to a new therapist.

But this therapist was doing 'classic' cbt with me - exposure work.  That is why I was in the lift in the first place with her - but the worst thing happened - it got stuck.  I was so freaked and it did something to my body - sort of set off a severe anxiety and panic reaction that is still hanging around (but not as bad re the panic now) three months later.  So because of that i do not want to keep seeing her and am looking around for someone new until I can go on the NHS.  But I have a brilliant book on ACT therapy and also that is why I am learning meditation.

I think my anxiety is bad anyway and have to accept that - it may not be withdrawals it may just be there as it has for the last few years on and off but I am going to have to find different ways of dealing with it.  Because i know if i keep using the booze to do it it is adding one more problem on top of many.

In one way I am quite glad that i reacted badly to valium etc because i know i do not drink to get drunk just to feel a little more mellow and i know that is what valium does to you - so if i could use them i would probably have got addicted to them somewhat!

I might try another type of anti depressant and see if that helps but the citalopram and the prozac made me much worse.

Do you mind me asking if you take anti depressants?
holly.

[rod44]

hi
Ok you have quiet a lot going on in your life…you have however a husband that you love and loves you. This is important as you need a shoulder when you get down.

I have in the past tried CBT for anxiety and started using it again lately, it deals with anxiety by learning to identify issues as they arise and how to deal with them before they gets out of hand. Check it out. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)

AA is what helps me from day to day in staying sober, I have many friends that I have met there. Like everything you get some good folks and some not so good folks there, stick with the strong people they will guide you through the rough times.

For now stay away from one drink, the withdrawals will improve with the passing of each day.  

ray

[hollygirl1972]

I would love to be your buddy.  How long does it take to move from step to step?  It is great that you feel so comfortable there.  I would love to find that - somewhere where you feel you belong.  It would be great to find that myself.  I hope the meeting is good tonight.  I do feel powerless right now in nearly every way.

Rod44 - it is not impending doom and gloom as such.  I am not suicidal - I have a husband I love to bits and two gorgeous dogs I love and am close to my mum and sister but the last few years have been very hard.  In a nutshell after getting over alcoholism and near fatal alcoholic hepatitis and chirosis my father stopped drinking - just like that.  No groups, no counselling - nothing.  He got better and better and his liver consultant was amazed.

We had always had a very difficult relationship - he could be violent when I was young.  But we got closer after he stopped drinking.  I got married in 2003 and he gave me away.  Things were great but in 2005 I was in the middle of a lecture (i used to be a lecturer) when I got pulled out - my sister was on the phone - my dad had had a suspected stroke.  By the time I got to the emergency room he was already in a coma.  He never came around - he'd had a catostrophic hemmorage.  he died two days later and I was there.

After that my stepfather had an accident and became crippled, my sisters mental health problems got worse, my mother got angina and my job became mega stressful.  I started having panic attacks and then general anxiety - it was so bad I could not be for a minute.  They put me on lots of different anti depressants but none of them suited me.  But I was also struggling with my breathing and feeling very ill all the time.  I eventually got diagnosed with asthma and chronic hyperventilation syndrome and ME.  

The docs dont know if the anxiety is partly because of the breathing and the ME messing up my central nervous system.  I dont drink tons - as in to get drunk.  Half a bottle of wine is my max and some nights it is just a small glass or a single brandy.  It just takes the edge off this feeling of anxiety.  I was loads better and not drinking much at all then three months ago I got stuck in a lift and it freaked me out totally - it triggered lots of memories from childhood and I went back into the spiral of panic and anxiety. So then I started having more wine again.

I also lost my job due to ill health four months ago and so at the moment am just stuck at home anxious all day long.  I cant drink coffee or eat chocolate with my condition or any diary and it feels like one nice thing I could still do is have a drink of wine!  

I have been referred to psychotherapy services for treatment for multiple trauma events but it takes up to twelve months on a waiting list and I am out of money for private therapy.  I am learning to meditate though!!  Also when I do not drink I get very upset about my dad and cry a lot.  But I figure that these emotions need processing sometime.  I am doing pilates, starting to walk with my mum (gentle ones as too ill to do lots) and have also started to write a book as when I do that I forget my problems.  But right now things feel pretty bad, but as I say not to a suicidal degree.  There are too many people I love for that.

Anyway sorry for the mega long post!

[sograteful828]

good for you for looking up local meetings. i am getting ready to go to mine as we speak, i look forward to it. i have never quite fit in anywhere, and now i found a place where i belong, where no one judges me, and everyone understands. i too thought an alcoholic had to have dui's, drink everyday, all day, etc. but like the first step reads, once you are powerless and your life becomes unmanageable, i had to face the facts. that was me. Holly it is so imperative that you have a sponsor, one you can relate to, be honest with, that is soooooooooo important. if you are not comfortable in any way, find a new one. in the meantime, i would be happy to be your "buddy" until you find a sponsor and even after. i am working step 3 right now, so i am a newbie at this and can use all the friends and support i can get.  again, i wish you the best and hope to hear from you soon!!

[rod44]

Sorry that did not sound right…
If you are feeling like there is no way out doom and gloom then you need a Doctor, anyone in this situation needs Medical help
Ray

[rod44]

When you speak of anxiety are you having repetitive thoughts or is it a feeling of just doom and gloom leading to panic?
Ray

[hollygirl1972]

Thanks for your comments.  They have really helped.  I looked up on the AA website and there is a local meeting.  I think I am going to go on Monday.  I am feeling very anxious - always do when not drinking.  It is a sort of uptight feeling and it is relieved when having a drink but I know it is not worth it and I do not want to end up making myself even more ill than I am.

You would think that after watching my dad bloated and yellow in hospital hovering near death from his drinking I wouldn't want to touch the stuff!  I think AA will give me that extra help and support needed to deal with the cravings and the anxiety too.

I have also bought some super strength B vitamins as I have heard they are meant to help.

The thing is I cant see any other way for this to end unless I just stop.  Soon it will be three quarters of a bottle a night and then a bottle etc.  That is what happened to my dad.  He never set out to get drunk either - but over fifteen years of drinking most days his tolerance just went up and up.  It is very daunting - because although I know it is doing so much harm I see the wine as my friend.  As the one thing that can stop all these feelings but I am going to go with it.  Let the feelings come up.  I am not working at the moment due to my severe anxiety and my breathing problems so I suppose now is a good as time as any to finally face these things.

Rod 44 - I think you are right.  It doesn't matter if you are a 'textbook alcoholic' or not.  I am worried about my drinking so therefore there must be a problem.  Deep down I know that.  I am not on any medication I have reacted really badly to the three different anti depressants they tried and I find my breathing is worsened by any thing like Valium or Diazepam so I kind of just have to deal with it - although I am in therapy.  Hence the drink to take the edge off.

Ibizan - thanks for your reply.  I do not get that loss of control - I never drink more than a couple of glasses a night but the thing that scares me is how much I feel I need it.  I feel such relief once I have that glass in my hand!

Sograteful I will read your post and read your story.  I am so glad you are panic free - it must be a wonderful feeling!  Thanks for the re assurance re AA.  I am going to give it a go.

I do seem to be doing okay too re withdrawal - bit of a weird night of strong dreams and woke up once with palpitations - but other than that is mainly just anxiety and tenseness.  Does anyone know how long before the withdrawal anxiety subsides and i just have my 'normal' anxeity?

[sograteful828]

hi there, i just read your post and wanted to share a few things from my own experience. i suffered from massive panic attacks for years, i thought it was my chemical makeup. i just posted my story above, i am new here, so i dont want to waste time with repitition. i was recently in and inpatient program, and while i was there they detoxed me off of xanax i was prescribed for my paninc attacks. they were curious to see how much alcohol had to do with them. I have 37 days sober today, and have not had one panic attack and/or anxiety attack since.  mine seems to have been alcohol induced, i just didnt know it and drank more to get through the anxiety.

i am not a dr, just tekking you my personal experience.

as for AA, i attend every day, i too was asking the questions you are, do i drink enough to qualify?? i didnt drink every day, no DUI's, so would i fit in....i will tell you they saved my life. the amount of an alcoholic you are does not matter, its that you walk through the door and ask for help. the only requirement to be there "is the desire to stop drinking" some people at my meetings come in and you know they are using, it is frowned upon, but they are not turned away, they want to stop, they dont know how and those people are there to help. in my experience, i have never found such a welcoming, warm group of people in my life. i love going every day. i would be happy to help you in any way i can...
hang in there and keep reaching out for help

[ibizan]

rods gives good advice and what characterizes alcoholism is the loss of control when u start to drink....like no off switch......u don't intend to end up intoxicated...but u do and it it happens over and over.there is i believe a genetic predisposition to alcoholism!reliable stats i was given are if u have one parent who is u run a 30% chance of it....2 parents 70% chance of it!

[rod44]

Determining whether someone is an actual alcoholic or not is really not all that important. If someone's drinking has advanced to the point to where it has become a problem for them and those around them, then it is a problem, period. If the person has tried to quit -- swore to themselves and others "never again!" -- and simply cannot stop, then chances are they have become dependent or addicted.


Ok so you are here because you are concerned about your drinking, if you are on medication for the anxiety and depression then you should not be drinking full stop. Alcohol is a depressant and will make any person with your issues much worse.

The only requirement for membership of AA is a desire to stop drinking…it is free…it is also your choice.

CBT or Cognitive Behavioural  Therapy is a form of counselling that has helped me deal with alcoholism educed depression/anxiety.  

Ray