Aa
Relapse :(
It's been over two weeks, a HARD two weeks. I'm enrolled in "intensive outpatient" group therapy for substance abuse... and my last session was yesterday. I drank right after coming home. I was planning it all session, lforward to it, even as I talked with the group about how far I'd come and how much I wanted to get better.
And I can't tell anyone because I don't want to disappoint anyone. It wasn't even pleasurable when I drank. I thought it would be like it was before-- an escape. But it was just... un-fun.
If it's not the literal alcohol I'm addicted to, what is it that compels me to drink?
Can anyone relate?
And I can't tell anyone because I don't want to disappoint anyone. It wasn't even pleasurable when I drank. I thought it would be like it was before-- an escape. But it was just... un-fun.
If it's not the literal alcohol I'm addicted to, what is it that compels me to drink?
Can anyone relate?
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Relapse happens, it's no big deal. You need to find coping tools to use. For instance, while in group when you are feeling "I'm going to use when I get out of here" you open up and say that in the group. Honesty is what you need to become sober. At that point you'll be told something like, okay then you need to go to a meeting immediately after group. Do you want me to go with you? You need all the help that is offered. If you can't find anyone to "bring" you, you go yourself, and you ask immediately for a sponsor who can talk to you when you are having "stinking thinking".
"What is it that compels me to drink?" The length of your use, did it destroy everything else in your life, ie. do you have family left that you can be around? Do you have any clean and sober friends? Have you changed your diet, and exercise routine yet? Have you thought about what hobbies would be of interest to you? Do you have a recovery therapist for one on ones? Have you cut your ties with those that drink? Have you gotten rid of all bottles at home? Do you have a home? Don't worry about disappointing anyone with your truth that you are planning on relapsing. In the scheme of things relapse thoughts are expected, To not tell them is making it more uncomfortable for them, Nobody that cares about you wants you to be dishonest with them.
Have you been around people that have been clean and sober for many years. Are you able to see that the program works, and lives can be rebuilt, families can be rebuilt, friendships can be rebuilt. Go to a meeting, tell the speaker that you are at risk of relapse and you would like to help set up the meeting, then you will have friends that are winning in this game. That's what you need, you need to go to many meetings, making many clean and sober friends. There is so much that you could do to prevent this stinking thinking. Do you have a big book, get one. Have you looked at other literature? then do so. Do you read through the 12 steps everyday, twice a day? then do so. See lot's of things to do before you just give up to some random relapse thought.
I wish you the best, remember please, the more you invest yourself into the program of recovery, the worse you will feel when relapsing. Might as well do this thing the right way Verna. I'm here for you if you need to talk, right here, all the time. Get yourself a sponsor Verna. Make it work, I'm sure there are those in your family that would like to have you back in there lives, clean and sober. Imagine how much better life will be than to continue being a loser alcoholic. I'm right here, Liz