Hoping for a wake up call

[sentinel737]

I dated my ex for about two years. We recently broke up about a month ago but I still love and care about him. Although I was always concerned about his drinking since the beginning of our relationship, things had gotten so much worse after he moved into a house with some old "buddies" of his. Since January (when he moved in) he began to drink heavily during the week (a bottle of wine at least on weekdays) and then he would drink himself to oblivion on the weekends. I'm talking 3 bottles of wine + hard alcohol + beer in a matter of hours. Then he would stay up all night drinking more and then wake up in the morning and have a large glass of wine to get rid of the hangover. We essentially stopped having a relationship because he was always drunk.
The worst part of it was that there was nothing I could do to help him. I was the ostracized one when it came to his friends because I tried to tell my ex that I was worried about him. My ex and I had plans to go on a hike one time and his friend tried to get us to take shots of vodka before we left (at 10am). I told him I didn't think that was a good idea to be driving for one thing and to be drunk hiking in the wilderness. When my ex tried to refuse also, his friend called him a p*ssy and so he took a bunch of shots. Needless to say we never went on that hike.
On Valentine's weekend is when I started to really get worried. He started to become sick after not even one glass of wine and he started vomiting. He was sick all weekend. The following weeks he kept getting sick after small amounts of alcohol. I was really worried that his liver was not functioning properly anymore. He binge drinks all week so his liver never has time to  regenerate. He's 25 years old and I suspect he began self-medicating a long time ago (around 18), possibly due to having a chemical imbalance of serotonin since he suffers from depression. Unfortunately, his excessive use of alcohol is making this imbalance worse.
I have finally convinced him to go to the doctor to get a check up. Do you think if he gets blood work done it could tell if he has liver damage? If so, are there any tests in particular I can tell him to ask the doctor for? I don't know how I can best suggest that he gets these tests done. I am just hoping that maybe this could be a chance for him to see that living this way is detrimental to his health.  I know this post is really long, I'm just looking for a way to get through to him because I still care.

[boogieman]

Hi. As stated above, it is VERY difficult to maintain a platonic relationship with someone who was once a love interest. And with chemical dependency in the mix, you stand a good chance of getting hurt. What he's doing is commiting suicide on an installment plan, and eventually he will have to pay the ultimate price. Alcoholism, left untreated, ends up in 3 places, jails, institutions, or death. This not a theory, its the harsh reality. Please go to alanon! I've seen so many times where the alcoholic kills someone else in a blackout, or takes their own life. I don't mean to be so negative, but you are in dangerous territory. The alcoholic is very sick, but their disease also sickens those around them. Please consider the advice everyone has given you, and take care, GM

[ibizan]

i believe that when a woman or a man loves another and it fails due to addiction damaging it...going back to the friends status is a near impossibility unless your heart is made of titanium.And we see so many here who really try harder to help the alcoholic/addict than the addicted one tries to help themselves..in the name of friendship...or love and the result is the helper being emotionally drained.But each to their own......I would've done anything and i tried to help my ex who relapsed...he didn't want to help himself and thought i would put up with his poop for he knew how much i loved him!Thank God i let go of him..it was with a clenched fist but i made myself do the right thing for me!But recovery has taught me thru the years to put myself first and love ME...and stand by the limits i know/feel are right!The saying is true God helps those who help themselves!:)

[dominosarah]

If you accept him the way he is you will enable him also and that is the worst thing you can do for an addict......

[ibizan]

that is good to be an advocate...a friend......so many want it to be what it was or could have been.Their is a good acronym for DETACH----don't even think about changeing him or her!If your going to be his advocate/friend you might think about attending some Al-Anon meetings for yourself.Is he willing to try AA?

[sentinel737]

I hear what your saying but I believe there is nothing wrong with being an advocate for someone you care about. I'm not looking for anything in return as I am no longer in a romantic relationship with him and that was the best thing for me. I am emotionally separated enough not to get caught up in his problems, but I can tell you right now that I see nothing wrong with caring about a friend who is in trouble. I realize it is his ultimate decision to get help, but at least he knows he has someone who will accept him as he is, and not someone who has to "party" all the time. I do appreciate the advice though and I definitely am open to all suggestions and insight into the situation.

[ibizan]

i agree with dominosarah..jeez!women have been so culturalized for centuries to be nurturers caretakers feeling like they have to watch over and keep all together....and at what xpense to them?what are u getting in return for this?there needs to be more dear in a relationship....u deserve more......and i have seen good men go gaga over addicted women strippers women who treat them like poop....makes me scratch my head!Florence Nightengales come in both genders!sigh!:)

[dominosarah]

You can ask him to have all the test known to man but until he is ready to put the bottle down none of this will matter.  Only an addict can save themselves.  I hope he sees the light soon and will get some help.  If you cant break away from this relationship then you need to check out alanon or your life will spiral more out of control also.  His drinking is only a symptom of what is really going on.  Educate yourself about alcoholism/addiction.  I wish you the best........sara

[ibizan]

Yes indeed u r his sentinel.....u seem to care more about him than he cares for himself...so sad and so very alcoholic!Asking the doctor to test his liver enzymes in the bloodwork will evidence any damage done to the liver.