What are the chances?

[green eyed lady]

I have an ex bf who is not only an alcoholic but he also smokes crack. He is/was the type that had to have a beer by mid-morning and when he got home he would start out with a 12 pack and sometimes get more. I tried to help him. Eventually, he became physically and emotionally abusive and once I made the decsion to move 3 hrs. away it was no holds barred---he didn't even try to hide his drinking and smoking anymore. He ended up drinking and partying all night long and in turn lost his job.

My question is: what are the chances that he is clean without the benefit of in-patient or out-patient treatment? Ya see since I moved away he miraculously became better (according to his parents). So what do ya think?

[ibizan]

miracles can and do happen but from what u posted about this guy months ago and for what he was like....and what he put u thru....i'd say a slim to nil miracle....he reminds me of my x......and if i heard the same i wouldn't believe it..or that it would last.

[green eyed lady]

Hey...it's so good to "hear" from you!

I'm not to sure that I believe it either...I have been bordering on obsession thinking about all that this man has put me through, and NOW he's sober! Geesh!

I had to go back to where I used to live for a closing on my house and people were actually tripping over themselves to share the news that the ex has a new gf. I was so shocked and hurt...just the week before his father emailed me saying that the ex wanted me to know that he loves me and that "you don't miss the water until the well runs dry". WTF! It could be my ego...it could be the fact that I tried so hard to help this man and now someone else is reaping the benefits...it could be that I still love him. Probably all three. I need to stop this **** because it's actually starting to really affect me. Oh well, what ya gonna do?

Getting back to the real topic...I also have a hard time believing it just because this man has alot of demons--most self imposed--but demons nontheless. Those coupled with the fact that I left, coupled with the fact that he's received no treatment other than what he needed to do because he thought he might be going to jail. Plus he's in the same enviroment...where I used to live is actually a wonderful place to live and raise kids but you would be suprised at how many drugs are available. It's a college town and the townies I guess are providing a "service". Also within a 6 block radius there are over 30 bars, no exaggeration. Big party town.


So Ibizan, how are you? I am real glad that you answered my post because I know you understand how I feel...how hard it is to let go even though you know it's the best thing for your sanity. I really hope everything is great in your world and I look forward to talking to you again. Take care.

[ibizan]

oh dear..this woman ain't getting no prize here!he will do to her what he did 2 u!and he still loves to push ur buttons via a message from his father!u know i been sober/clean for 24 yrs.ppl can not use alcohol or drugs....highly suspect with him and remain dry....chemicals gone but b-havior the same!Recovery is when we dig deep into the smarmy recesses of our souls,hearts,memories and take inventory of how we've hurt others....examine our character flaws...our BS so to speak and make an effort on a daily basis to NOT repeat old behavior!Its called in 12 step taking a personal inventory and sharing it with someone who is objective like a sponsor or a trusted one who knows us well and will point out when we r avoiding things and/or just bs-ing!It is a lifelong process on a daily basis.do u really think he's done this?i highly doubt it!u r blessed my dear....u r truly blessed to b rid of him....i feel the same.My world is ok.......i just came back from visiting my mom whose an hour away in assisted living facility..has Lewy Body Dementia.My brain spins with mixed feelings....glad she's alive but lotta angst over how this dementia is taking her and how she fights it...so glad i can come home to peace and not drama and no support....my animals r more comforting than the x!Count ur blessings..that poor woman has no clue!