Bye bye itching and scratching?

[cliazzok]

Tuesday night was my last bout of itching and scratching.  I hadn't had this for a week.  Last night was OK.  I do hope it's about over.  It's 3 weeks now that I've been sober (not long I know) but it is for me.  The longest I went in 35 years prior was 4 days.
This morning I felt something click in my head and I no longer feel angry or irritable...normal for a change..like I used to feel years back.
Only problem now is I have no job and my unemployment insurance benefits have run out and I have no job or income.
I of course have sent out many cover-letters, resumes (CV's) to no avail.  Only the words that "We have selected another candidate...good luck."
Yesterday I went in the garage and was looking at the high cross-beams to see if a hanging was possible.  I don't know if I was serious or not.  Anyhow they are too low so I will have to maintain hope for now until all my money runs out (those darn bills don't stop 'tho).  Hopefully someone will hire me for something by then and my hands stay away from those fermented liquids.

[itsmylife1222]

when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. sounds like you just may be ready. i agree with the others who have suggested a support group. i simply could not and cannot do this thing called sobriety alone. i use to wonder what my bottom truly was as i had been homeless, jobless, house less, car less, and had my only child taken away due to my alcoholism/drug addiction. what i found is that my only bottom is death. apparently, i have a very high pain threashold--lol--and so when i failed at my repeated suicide attempts i became more than willing to do the work neccessary to stay sober. sure i quit every now and again but i could not stay stopped and as the big book says  i knew a loneliness that only alcoholics know. the last time i went back out i deliberately drove my car into a semi--no, i didn't consider the driver of the semi--but i only killed the car. i was bloodied, for sure, but i knew that day i had not one more move left. it was time to come in from the rain. you, too, can do the same. i wish you recovery. it is yours should you want it...devon

[RockRose]

cliazzok,  you are at the MOST vulnerable time,  for suicide.  People who go through a horrible depression and then begin to recover finally have the emotional energy to end their pain.  That's why you hear so often family of suicide victims say "she went through a terrible time but she seemed like finally she was doing better".   She was finally doing better - better enough to take action.

Cliazzok,  I've followed your story and am praying for you.  Instead of sending out resumes,  go to places and walk right in and fill out applications.  

What is your career field?  I went out rounding up applications for my son who's coming  home from college and found everyone is hiring.  

Best wishes,  and prayers.

[ibizan]

u've been offerred some very good feedback here from a few ppl in ur prior posts and now from Jacker.u offer some words that are indicative of suicidal gesturing...u need to seek mental health help for this if it is genuine.

[Jacker]

I'm not an expert on depression, but you're still at a vulnerable time. First of all, congrats on the length of your sobriety - it sounds like you're past the worst of the physical symptoms and if you hold out, you can only feel better.
You say you're shy, but you really need to get involved in some groups and it wont' be as bad as you think.  AA is obviously a good option and there are all kinds of people there (including shy ones).  You don't have to say much - just hang out.  We drinkers are all a little "damaged" when sobering up, so I can't say that any of us are great personalities at that time in our lives.
If you believe in God (or you're just curious) go to a church - most churches are very accepting of people "where they are right now" and you'll meet other people who can help you with your view on life.  You will probably need to try more than one, but there are many choices available.
Finally, find a hobby (or sport) and try to plug into a group that revolves around that hobby.  Bicycle club, fishing club, you name it - if you live anywhere near a city of any size (or univiersity) these groups exist.  
You need to stay busy - I can't help you with the employment, but if you can survive for awhile on unemployment, that's not a bad thing (while you get your life together and soberin up, that is).  Immerse yourself in an activity and find a group that likes the same activity (and if you're shy, you can also lose yourself a little in a group as opposed to one-on-one communication).
One last thought - you post here occasionally, but I don't think you've ever answered back.  This is a pretty friendly group - follow up on your post an answer the comments that are made.  If you need to talk, then post a question or tell everyone how you're feeling.  The computer is great for shy people, and everyone here will talk to you.  God Bless!