am i nagging too much?

[wab75]

my husband of 3.5 yrs relationship of 12 yrs has always loved his drink and drinking buddies. he usually goes for a few beers 2-3 days and every weekend on the lash. he could easily drink 5 days a week. since xmas he has been much better as we are trying to conceive but i'm not sure how to deal with it as i can't understand why he can't take a break completely. he says he's not a smoker but after 3 or 4 pints he'll smoke and once he hits about 8 pints he won't stop drinking until he's last to leave the bar or head to a local dingy night club. he'll always have money for drink but will sometimes look for money for lunch!! which i don't give him anymore, but I will have to pay for majority of our summer holiday so i'm not even looking forward to booking something.
i used to let this get to me a lot more and went to alanon, but they wanted to get him in to try to get him to stop completely but i don't think i want him to stop drinking as i think i'm brainwashed to thinking he needs it - he just loves to go to the local for a few but the problem is he doesn't know when to stop.
he is such a caring person but really insults me when drunk but never aggressive.

i know i have covered a few things here but my main query is does anyone think he can cut down on drinking when we have a baby?

[serene289]

honey,
I smell Denial big time coming from you , over your husband's drinking issue.. Why do women believe a child will make things better? This is a farce and you and child will suffer . He will get progressely worse and use more a excuse to drink. No, I will not sugar coat this for you.. to make you feel better. I really care and seen this in real life played out over and over.. Why bring a child to a unstable home. Change starts from within and starts with you, a woman deserving of a happy life .. Please get counseling for yourself and support..Anything can change , if we are honest with ourselves and admit we have a problem . Step one.. I am a counselor for abuse victims.. Love yourself enough to make things happened.. Good Luck Sweetheart...
Serene

[dove3053]

The alcoholic is a person that does not know when to stop drinking. Your husband is an alcoholic. Like it or not that's the truth. No he won't stop drinking if you have a baby it will just make it worse.

There was a group called MM for people who thought they could control their drinking and still drink. But in the group you are still required to go 30 days WITHOUT a drink. Can you husband do this? Does your husband thinks he has a problem?

I stopped drinking because my boyfriend was going to leave me if I didn't. My boyfriend was more important to me than a drink. Can you husband say that about you?

This may have sounded on the harsh side, because you seem to be in denial about your husbands drinking. Wake up sweetheart and smell the coffee.

Dove

[jml1986]

Cutting down is not usually an option for someone who drinks on a daily basis. What I would be more concerned that once you do have a child it will get worse. Men tend to feel neglected once the baby arrives so they generally increase their drinking to make up for not feeling in needed. However that being said, change can only come from him when he wants it. Financial issues if a problem now will muptiply once the child is born because they need alot. I can tell you that I did not go to Alanon strictly because my opinion differs from theirs. I know that Alanon and AA have there beliefs and I know for my husband AA has been a blessing. I in no way expect anyone to accept my views over their own, but I am not big on people trying to convince me that alcohol is a disease. I in my mind can not call something that is self inflicted a disease. I know that alcohol can cause diseases but the actual drinking it I see and an individual choice. I kow that people will want to bombard me with why alcohol being a disease and let me say that I am okay if that is your belief (because I know that is what my husband believes), I just don't look at it in the same way, and I think that is okay.

[susieq87]

When there is a problem, move to the solution.  The problem seems to be financial and his drinking to get drunk, does it interfere with his work?  Perhaps, you misunderstood what they said in Alanon, I would suggest trying it again, for me it is mini counseling sessions such as these postings.  Time for a talk with the hubby about finances and behavior issues?  Good luck

[IBKleen]

Oh My Goodness hun... I am not normally in this forum, or up this late, but I happen to come on by and saw your post.

Hubby may, or may not have a problem. My main concern is with you my dear. You say that you want him to stop, and then you say that you don't want him to stop. Not to be rude, please do not misunderstand, but that sounds like a control issue.

I think AlAnon was a wonderful idea and I truly hope you stick with it. I also hope that you come back and share with us. Take care of yourself.