How do you deal with severe anxiety after a blackout?

[worriedprsn]

Last week I went out with friends and got so drunk I couldn't remember anything.  I somewhat remember a friend saying we're leaving the bar, and I guess I walked to my house alone (thanks friends).  I don't remember anything after, all I know is that once I realized where I was, it was 2 hours later I has walked in the opposite direction of my house in the middle of nowhere.  I remember the walk home after that and fell asleep.

I am very scared that I did something really bad.  During the night I had texted a good friend of mine that I was with another "friend", but by that time we had left the bar and I should've been on my own.  I'm a male but there are a lot of gay people around in the city, especially at that time in the night who knows what could've happened to me in that state.  I have no pain or anything, but by the time I was aware of anything I was in the middle of nowhere (maybe Im just watching too many movies like the hangover).  Also what if I did something illegal or immoral to someone else?  I don't know how I would react to these potential actions.  A good thing shows that I was texting and calling numerous people throughout the blackout period, so that might have kept me busy while I was walking.  I could've done something bad to somebody and not even know.

My gut is telling me that I remember going home, got home fine, and am not in pain so nothing probably happened.  I was just walking aimlessly and eventually got home.  However, I am terrified that something may have happened, I am getting an STD test in a month to make sure I'm OK.  I have been very troubled by all of this and it is all I can think about.

Is it just my imagination that is driving me crazy, or do I have reason for concern?  I felt fine the day after, only when I started thinking about the incident did I feel "soreness" a few days later.  Also, a few days later my neck felt like it was swelling.  

I haven't been able to focus on anything since the incident.  I need to get tested for piece of mind, but I don't know how to get it off of my mind during the window period.

Any support or advice would be greatly appreciated.

[BarbieBell]

There are some clues in your postings that make me think you most probably could use some intense self evaluation. For starters, you are posting on an alcoholism forum. Advice to "try to drink responsibly in the future though :D" may be well intended, but off base. The possibility that you were drugged is true, but you said in your original post that you got so drunk you don't remember. Blacking out is common among alcoholics. Your brain is being severely poisoned. In a black out stage you not only don't remember, you can do and say things your normal brain would not. The alcohol works as a severe inhibitor/depressor of classic normal inhibitions. Like driving after drinking that much. Or walking home... Dangerous! Dangerous just to drink that much!
I also notice you use correct lingo to rationalize bad behavior. "Being judged, social anxiety, never alone."
Self evaluate, weigh the pros and the cons, be scared, get mad at yourself, switch that to being mad at alcohol, get some education on addiction, be grateful when nothing bad happens from that incident, be honest, be smart, be stronger than alcohol, get tough, kick your addiction to the curb. Quit wasting time. Climb a mountain. touch the stars, be real!

[worriedprsn]

I am a straight male btw, this uncertainty is eating away at me.

2 weeks later a noticed 2 fingerprint sized bruises on my waist.  Who knows how long they were there for.  They have since disappeared, but I put hard pressure on that area with my own fingers for a minute and gave myself a single bruise similar to the ones I initially found.  How exactly did they get there?

Also I noticed some white/grey marks on the back of my shirt and even undershirt (which had no reason to be exposed).  On my shirt it looks like a scrape of the shoulder area and on my undershirt it seems like a hexagon pattern (maybe from a fence)

I had some anus itching/irritation 2, 5 and 10 days after that night, but it would usually go away after a shower.

Why did I put myself through this for no reason?

[worriedprsn]

Thank you for your comments.

It's not the first time I've blacked out.  It happens twice before in my life, but a couple of years ago after a night out with friends.

I am certain I didn't get drugged, I was drunk before even getting to the club, and even had more after the pre-drink.

Hopefully everything ends up alright.  I've been feeling odd aches and pains, but I have a feeling it's just my imagination playing games with me.

[kinsella7]

If this is your first time blacking out, it is possible that someone drugged you, so being worried about sexual assault is a normal response. Luckily, based on your timeframe it is very unlikely. The fact that you felt fine when you woke up means that nothing bad happened - even if someone doesn't use violence, there are very clear signs of rape. While blackouts are scary I don't think you should worry about having hurt someone else - while alcohol lowers your inhibitions, being black out drunk means you were very likely just disoriented and confused while trying to complete the task of going home. I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about. Try to drink responsibly in the future though. :D

[worriedprsn]

Also, I should note that I don't ever drink alone, but do it when going out to cope with my fear of being judged by people/social anxiety.  Ive only blacked out once before, but it was with close friends so I wasn't worried.

I should've known my limit