stopped drinking a week ago on my own and now feeling alone

[cheever]

Hi.  I'm a 33 yr old male alcoholic who has been drinking for the past 10 yrs - heavy the last 3 yrs.  I have come to the point in my life where I have a hard time looking at myself in the mirror.  I cannot believe that I have wasted so much time abusing alcohol.  I don't think that anyone in my life knows the extent of my problem and I am so tired of keeping all of this shame buried within me.  I have a partner who knows I have a problem (we live together and it got impossible to hide) and I admitted to him that I needed help.  I did try to get help 6 mo ago and went to a counsellor and then a group meeting.  I was so terrified of the group meeting because I have intense social anxiety and convinced myself to not follow up with my recovery plan. After looking at the cost and wait time of rehab centers and deciding that AA was not an option for me personally, I bought a book and have been sober for the last 2 weeks after reading Allen Carrs Easyway.  My head feels clear for the first time in a long time and I want to stay sober but I feel as though I need a bit of wisdom. I guess this is the reason why I am posting. Thanks for reading.

[sograteful828]

congrats on one week!!!!!! that is a great accompishment, you should be proud. i am a long time alcogolic/addict that recently got sober (42 days today). i struggle every day as well, that "friend" we always used to turn to, drugs and or alcohol is now not an optiion, so now what? i am very fortunate that AA works for me, and that i have a huge support system there. But if you arent into that, i would suggest finding support any way you can, it is absolutely necessary to have a life line. if i was left on my own i oersonally could not do it without some type of support. i know on this forum some people have mentioned getting together for coffee with other alcoholics and talking on a regular schedule, exchanging phone numbers with those who are sober that you can call before you are tempted to pick up a drink. Like ibizan said above, it is very hard to do it alone and my heart truly goes out to you, i can understand your pain and fear of the social group thing, i was the same way. but, and again i am not here to push, but once i got into a room of people that were all like me, lying, sneaking around, alocoholics i felt for the FIRST time in my life that i was where i belonged. That fear of social gatherings had lifted because every one in that room , well,, there was no more hiding it anymore, i had admitted my problem and got such a warm welcoming that i go back EVERY DAY, sometimes a couple times a day. i used to have to drink or get high to "fit in" and feel comfortable around people. so i  understand.
I would really take adherence to what the good people above had said to you, they are awesome......and it's so funny, my sponsor said to me yesterday  HALT...its really true, when you are too hungry, angry, lonely or tired your mind will play goofy tricks on you.

good luck to you and congrats again....we are here for to talk and for support, i need it as much as i try to give it. you helped me this am, you just dont even know it. so thank you for being here and allowing me to read your story..  

[ibizan]

i am approaching 26 years sober and clean.....i could not stay sober alone looking at my siamese cat now long gone...there is a saying an alcoholic or addict alone is in bad company......this is hard to do alone....i hope u can try a support group again.....i would not be typping this had it not been for AA NA RR and SOS......there are many groups out there that can help!

[rod44]

Hi cheever,
Well done on getting sober. As Sara said turn the negative into positive and build on it. I too am a recovering Alcoholic and can identify with the guilt you feel. I tried to hide it in the early stages but as my dependence on drink became stronger drink controlled me, it influenced any decisions I made, the people I befriended, my ability to work, my financial situation and my relationship with my family.  I lost any self-respect I had left. It became my way of life. It progressed from a social outlet to a way of life, the transition from social drinker to alcoholic took many years with different stages and the frightening thing was that I could not see the changes in myself that others could see. Today I stay away from ONE drink for ONE day and avoid people, places and things that I accosted with my drinking. I avoid HALT…Hunger, Anger, Loneliness and tiredness and keep life simple.
Keep posting as your input and feedback is important for me and others here who wish to stay sober.
Ray

[dominosarah]

Hi cheever i am sara and i am an alcoholic and drug addict.  Congrats on getting sober!!!  That is great news!!!  Turn the negative feelings into positive ones.  Look in that mirror and see the sober man looking back at you.  There is nothing you can do about the past but you can do something about today, you can choose to stay sober.  Aftercare is really important to our success in recovery.  Facing our demons and dealing with them is very important.  We have to find out why we chose to numb our feelings up.  Be proud of what you are accomplishing.  Live in the now,live one day at a time.  Dont get too far ahead of yourself as it can and will become overwhelming.  Each sober day is a new beginning........embrace it.   Keep posting and there will be more on here in the morning.  I am a night owl or maybe i am a bat!!!!           sara