Aa
my husband or my job
Hi, I live in South America. I got married 27 years ago. My husband used to drink when we were fiancees but I always thought that this could be because he was alone in my country (he is from Europe, has no brothers). When we married we took an oath, no drinking and if so this could be the only reason for a divorce. During these 27 years
our marriage has had 3 crisis and 3 separations and of course 3 children and lived in 3 different countries.¡¡ after the second separation my husband stopped drinking during 13 years, I thought we would never have this problem again.
we moved to my country , started again and we were very lucky to finding good jobs very quickly . Regretably the job "needed" to go out with customers and so the problem started again, he lost the job, and 6 months later was hired for another company , I also was hired by the same company to form a team to run operations of that company in my country. I was happy because could work at home and taking care of my teenagers kids . This has been the worst part, I have to do my job and his, he started feeling sad, saying that I could do things better than him, I was trying to make him feeling better and of course working double , I couldn't allow to lose this job because with 50 years old would be hard for me to find a new job.
Anyway, after 2 years working together , the marriage is broken, he's living separated from us, but very close.
We agreed to continue working together until a better job is found. The office is in my house.
During travels , paid by the company, he is lost half of the part , and I know he's been drinking. when he returns
has to rest almost 4 days , and I have to make miracles for this not to be noticed by our employers. But I feel very bad, I prepare his expenses report and he includes drinking charges, instead of meals, paid with our credit card (it is reimbursed afterwards by our employer), once he told me he saves money during the travels because sometimes he doesn´t even eat, but this is because he takes that money for drinks. in the last trip he had to rest almost 12 days, worked only 1.5 days and started drinking again, this time started on Friday afternoon and finished Monday night. When we decided the separation , in fact was a decision I took after he drunk a lot and then wanted to hit my 17 years old son because of a bad qualification in math, my husband left the house and appeared after 3days (I took this time to prepare his things and begging God to find a cheaper place to move) . It was agreed that he would be with the kids on Saturday or Sunday, this only happened 4 times. after this my kids were waiting and he never appeared, he was buying beers with some new friends.
Now our boss wants to have a skype meeting with both of us , but I can´t find him (he turns off cel phone, skype and doesn't read emails and some customers only write to him). Could you imagine my fear of losing the job ? but I also wonder how far should I keep this secret, I feel I'm not honest with my company, but I also feel like a traitor if I speak with my boss about this situation. I'm very sure I can do the job myself, but this would mean him to lose the job and probably this is the excuse he is looking for having the huge drinking and disapear .... (this has happened before, 3 - 5 days with no news of him). i've talked to my brother and he thinks I shouldn't mention this to my boss, just wait until they find out this, but I'm scared that if this happens, they can't trust me and would decide also to fire me. I really need someone to talk to me . Many thanks for your attention.
our marriage has had 3 crisis and 3 separations and of course 3 children and lived in 3 different countries.¡¡ after the second separation my husband stopped drinking during 13 years, I thought we would never have this problem again.
we moved to my country , started again and we were very lucky to finding good jobs very quickly . Regretably the job "needed" to go out with customers and so the problem started again, he lost the job, and 6 months later was hired for another company , I also was hired by the same company to form a team to run operations of that company in my country. I was happy because could work at home and taking care of my teenagers kids . This has been the worst part, I have to do my job and his, he started feeling sad, saying that I could do things better than him, I was trying to make him feeling better and of course working double , I couldn't allow to lose this job because with 50 years old would be hard for me to find a new job.
Anyway, after 2 years working together , the marriage is broken, he's living separated from us, but very close.
We agreed to continue working together until a better job is found. The office is in my house.
During travels , paid by the company, he is lost half of the part , and I know he's been drinking. when he returns
has to rest almost 4 days , and I have to make miracles for this not to be noticed by our employers. But I feel very bad, I prepare his expenses report and he includes drinking charges, instead of meals, paid with our credit card (it is reimbursed afterwards by our employer), once he told me he saves money during the travels because sometimes he doesn´t even eat, but this is because he takes that money for drinks. in the last trip he had to rest almost 12 days, worked only 1.5 days and started drinking again, this time started on Friday afternoon and finished Monday night. When we decided the separation , in fact was a decision I took after he drunk a lot and then wanted to hit my 17 years old son because of a bad qualification in math, my husband left the house and appeared after 3days (I took this time to prepare his things and begging God to find a cheaper place to move) . It was agreed that he would be with the kids on Saturday or Sunday, this only happened 4 times. after this my kids were waiting and he never appeared, he was buying beers with some new friends.
Now our boss wants to have a skype meeting with both of us , but I can´t find him (he turns off cel phone, skype and doesn't read emails and some customers only write to him). Could you imagine my fear of losing the job ? but I also wonder how far should I keep this secret, I feel I'm not honest with my company, but I also feel like a traitor if I speak with my boss about this situation. I'm very sure I can do the job myself, but this would mean him to lose the job and probably this is the excuse he is looking for having the huge drinking and disapear .... (this has happened before, 3 - 5 days with no news of him). i've talked to my brother and he thinks I shouldn't mention this to my boss, just wait until they find out this, but I'm scared that if this happens, they can't trust me and would decide also to fire me. I really need someone to talk to me . Many thanks for your attention.
Hello Laccordoniste.. Welcome to the forum. we have a saying keeping our secrets keeps us sick. Our loved ones prevent us from hitting bottom for they cover for us and clean up our messes allowing us to go along and stay as drunk as we please. we have a caretaker Why should he clean up when you clean up after him ? I would suggest Alanon for you It is made up of a group of peps that are loved ones of alcoholics and drug addicts They would help you to live our co parent with a alcoholic.. Help you to not contribute to his disease. Also when someone is caring for a alcoholic our a addict they can get addicted to them, To caring and covering for them, to their disease, this makes you almost as sick as your alcoholic. Get counseling for yourself. Stop covering for your husband. If he were to feel the consequences of his actions it just might wake him up enough to get some help. I'm sorry you are in this position but you are and I sure hope you research learn as much as you can about alcoholism and what Not to do. I wish you well. lesa
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