need some help

[fudgeandpepper]

my partner was on the detox programme, and he decided he could do it by himself without finishing the programme, its been about 1 month know and he is angry depressed, struggling to walk striaght,  in the morning its the worst he's body is shaking keeps being sick for a couple of hours then the shaking seems to go, but the over symptoms stay, me and his mum have tryed to get him to go to the doctors, he's says ok but never gets round to it, we are both concerned about his mental state. my question is how can we help if he wont got to the doctors?? its heart breaking seeing him struggling this way. any ideas would really help.

[dominosarah]

Get to an alanon meeting.  You will find others there that have been thru the same thing as you are going thru now.  You cant change your bf's behavior but you can change yours and how you react to the situation.  I hope your bf will get the help he needs but in the mean time take care of you and your baby...Be good to yourself.    sara

[Punkinhead75]

It is okay to bring your daughter with you to al anon.  I've been to plenty of meetings with children there.  

[ibizan]

u want to be there for him...but he is not there for u or ur child!a most lopsided relationship!no matter what happens in the relationship he is the father of ur child and u will always have some type of connection with him!Punkinhead is right...he will never change unless he sees a need too...and from what ur describing he presently sees no need to.....Al-Anon can assist you in learning how to not  further allow him to manipulate u with his illness!

[fudgeandpepper]

thank u for replying, yes we do have alanon never joined, i have to get my mum to look after my daughter and i dont want her to no ,she thinks he's a waste of space and to just leave him, i did distance myself from him for a while for the sake of our daughter, but when i saw him the other day it was shocking getting angree at people all the time, me,his mum dad and our daughter get it from him and its very sad what his going though, he says he no's what the drink has done and what it has done to his family . ive never heard him say that theres no point living, and that breaks my heart, cause i fell guilty for not being there from the  start and then i had to do it for our daughter im torn, got to look out for our child but i really want to be there for him  xxxx        

[Punkinhead75]

The hard truth is there isn't much you can do until he wants to do it himself.  Alcoholics wanting to do things on our own is not uncommon.  I suggest getting your hands on a copy of "The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous".  These can be bought at most AA mtgs.  You could also try a bookstore.  There is a lot of great info  in regards to alcoholism plus some info how to take care of yourselves.  Al-anon is a great suggestion.  It helped me take of myself.  Alcoholism effects the whole family.  If we stay heartbroken long enough we too can end up depressed, angry etc.  The biggest piece of advice I can give is don't try to force him to do anything.  Alcoholics tend to be very rebellious.  The more we are pushed the harder we resist.  Make suggestions but don't force.  If he says no,  then stop.  At this point the most you can do may be pray.  Good luck!!!

[ibizan]

what kind of support groups do have over there for families and partners who live with the alcoholic?got al-anon?