AM I GOING CRAZY!!?? OR JUST ANXIETY!!?? HELP!!!

[cnote]

27 Male. Anxiety sufferer, off and on. I usually suffer from health anxiety. I lost my grandmother to cancer 3 years ago, and this is when I started getting health anxiety. But I have gotten better at dealing with it, so I thought. Then this bought of anxiety came and it's just driving me SCARED.

You see, this ALL started with a minor sore throat due to allergies. I'm good at turning molehills into mountains.
So 3 weeks ago, I get this tight throat, then it got sore, all it took was 1 time thinking "could it be cancer?"

The sore throat went away, went to the Dr. and he said I'm fine, no signs of anything! Well, after I left, I could feel something in my throat when I swallowed, like a piece of popcorn kernal near my tonsil. This made me 2nd guess my Dr's diagnosis. But then it went away as well. I took some zyrtec and had a great weekend, my appetite came back etc.

Then one day I was eating and I noticed I could feel food going down my throat slower than normal, and when it passed my chest, it felt like pressure. GREAT!!! I thought.... just something else to wig over about. I called the Dr. he said it was acid reflux.

My anxiety just went up from here...

HERE'S MY PROBLEM NOW... I've been swallowing SO MUCH, paying attention SO MUCH to feelings in my throat, NOW I HAVE THIS CLICK or minor POP in my adams apple area when I swallow sometimes, and it DRIVES ME NUTS.

My anxiety is SKY HIGH! OUT THE ROOF. I've been having crying spells etc. b/c my anxiety is so bad.

But here is why my anxiety is SO BAD. I'm not scared of my throat click being cancer, I'm scared b/c I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT MY THROAT IN GENERAL. IT'S ALMOST LIKE OCD.

Lastnight I woke up at 5am, and swallowed, and my brain and thoughts just kept thinking about it like my brain keeps saying "keep swallowing and see if you can hear/feel it click again"

And it's DRIVING ME CRAZY. My anxiety SKY ROCKETED I had to get out of bed, I told my wife I felt like I was going CRAZY! LITERALLY CRAZY! B/c even though my throat doesnt hurt, I still keep focus on it SO MUCH and this dang clicky noise, which is probably something it has always done!

I've been taking Lexapro 10mg for the past 2 days, and it seems everytime I take it, an hour later my anxiety SKY ROCKETS too..

I have ativan to calm me down, but it's not enough, I've developed a little tolerance. It's only .5mg so I'm having to take atleast 2 or 3 now to get an effect.

Am I experiencing ANXIETY AND OCD?

Swallowing is something we have to do EVERY 10-20 Second of our day. And I can't stop thinking about my throat when i swallow.

My anxiety is so bad, I have ZERO appetite, I'm always shaking, trembling, cant concentrate, feel like im going crazy in my head, pacy, i can't seem to sit still very long at all. I have this feeling of impending doom, like this is forever!

Do you think this is THE REST OF MY LIFE? Or will I bounce out of this.

I try to keep myself busy, but the anxiety is so bad, no matter what I do I still think about it.

I have a beautiful wife, 2 children, and I just want my life back like I had it 3 weeks ago!

I was playing with my kiddos, having a great time!

Is this treatable? I'm going to see a therapist today! I really think I need something strong right now, like xanax or something to stop the anxiety... while in therapy.

So, am I going crazy? Or is this just anxiety at it's best? Is this really OCD? I've never had a symptom of OCD before?

THANK YOU!

[illestvibe]

OMG.... I do the SAME exact thing !!!!!!! I over think ! Finally someone understands ..

[calmshell]

Hi cnote...

I know a bit about health anxiety...it really did not stem from any particular thing or person in my family passing or getting very sick..but I (about 4 yrs ago) started monitoring every thing  i thought...i would pick out and almost tempt myself to think something negative ...(it was later on that I learned that i was trying to scare myself; and was deep down afraid of being thought of as 'bad' ) ....I have always been a people pleaser ..much too much!! but then my thoughts started leading to my heart one day (b/c I noticed my heart was beating very fast..of course b/c I was nervous, about my thoughts and constantly monitoring them ..esp. at work when I was scared to become too tense or have a panic attack..geesh..do u see this cycle?)

I occasionally still get heart palpitations.. or monitor my heart rate etc. but I have realized that it really is me again trying to control something; people w/anxiety seem (in my case anyway) to always want to keep things ok, and right, (I was brought up in a very, very harsh and constricting environment /constant berating, so I found out later on this is why I always wanted to please people..to be ok and so they would like me somehow..i did not realize it went to everything in my life...to trying to monitor even my heartbeat and every lilttle pain I got to make sure it was "ok")
What I'm getting at is that I am ok (and I think esp. that your doctor has checked  your throat, that you are too:)  ...I say to myself if I even START to get a little nervous about my heart, or what someone might think of me , "I AM FINE...i KNOW it is anxiety..and that is IT..." so when i  know it is literally a THOUGHt (which is NOT real about ME)...
i try to calm myself quickly down, and it usually works..i know the thought is false , esp. based on my past constant monitoring.....I'm not sure if this at all helps you..sorry that I rambled on as well! (by the way, do you ever have anxiety about anything else..like me, like Am I doing this right? or, anything of that nature? or is it just health related?) Ok, well, take a breather..you deserve it..also maybe watch a great movie that you love/or music, or take a nice stroll or walk by yourself for a while..and let all thoughts go...and if you can see that your throat is not closing in  or doing anything like that..it will probably mean you are just fine and you can test it.....you (pretty sure) probably overthought it way too much the 1st time your throat felt that way..and (i have learned this b/c I know I have done it) distorted your reality a bit by thinking it always does this/or will..... but i bet if you can be reallly relaxed, you may see it is really fine(and plus u did check it out , so that was very good! and it was a thumbs up!!) I also end up saying to myself, about various things w/anxiety,

"I am not going to be paranoid...i am not.", and "do I want to sped my seconds and minutes and days like this? " and then i really do think to myself how special/amazing every moment is , and how i really want it to be calm/clear with NO THOUGHts..that is the key.. thoughts usually tend to bring us down.., and if we dwell on them , they sometimes distort reality.. a great book I read that really helped me out was Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth, & The Power of Now , too....he said in it, (something to this effect) Reliance on thinking fragments reality.... Well, take care for now, and really live in this moment, only this one, ..and then the next and the next, (that is all we have at this second anyway!!!) and as you do it, you will see more and more calmness and that all is fine in this moment...let us know how things are though with everything..and again, i apologize if this was too much ! take care..

[cnote]

Thank you again for writing so quickly. My Dr. is out of the Country for 2 months! And right before he left I told him my anxiety was there but I told him I thought I had it under control with ativan.

So when I really started going down the "downward spiral of Hell" he's gone! lol.
But one of his other colleagues was there, who i actually know through family, he knows my family.. anyways, he asked me what I wanted. I was kind of shocked. He examined my throat again and said I'm good and healthy. And he gave me Lexapro again to try 10mg and said to stay on it, and he also tried to give me a Beta Blocker, but I explained to him, i'm not afraid of my heart palpitations, so I didnt want to take a blood preasure med b/c it would calm my heart rate when panic or anxiety happen.

Anyways, that's why I'm seeking help with the therapist today, maybe he will actually listen to me and my problems, and he may KNOW what to prescribe me according to my issues.

Will keep you up to date! I actually had an uptake in mood in the past hour or so. I'm not so anxious and feel pretty optimistic at this moment! So I'm gonna try and just live in the moment! =)

[RubyWitch]

cnote.........I believe you'll snap out of this with CONTINUED THERAPY and I think you do need to have a discussion with your therapist about possibly trying a different medication, perhaps a long term antianxiety med like Klonopin. You might even want to discuss adding an antidepressant..........so often anxiety and depression go hand in hand. These are only my opinions and it's only you and your doctor/therapist who should make this decision. What is obvious is that the Ativan is not doing much for you anymore and if you are having to up the dosage to get any relief is a sure sign it's time to rethink your meds. I don't think you necessarily need something stronger, I do think you need something more long acting than the Ativan.
You know how often we talk of medications being a "trial and error" process and that patience is an absolute must for those of us dealing with anxiety/panic/depression. I am just happy to see that you are sticking with it and sooner or later, cnote, you will find the right med(s) for you. Just never give up.
The one thing I've seen so often here is that people quit therapy as soon as they feel the "crisis" has passed. But the crisis is just the tip of the ice burg...........and as we all know, the vast majority of that ice burg is hidden below, just like our problems. Keep going to your therapy even when you begin to feel better, I can't stress how important that is.
Keep hanging in there, cnote. There is light at the end of your tunnel.
Peace to you
Greenlydia  

[cnote]

Thank you so much for the kind words of encouragement. You think I'll snap out of this one?
And when I do, I'll make sure and keep going to therapy, even when I'm feeling good!

I don't wanna sound like a druggy, but my ativan usually calms me down, but I have built an immunity to it kinda over the past couple of years, taking it on and off. One doesnt do ANYTHING to me anymore, 2 kinda relaxes me, but it's almost as if I need 4 pills to chill me out officially and make everything feel OKAY. And 4 pills - 2mg of ativan. Maybe I could talk to my therapist/Dr. about getting something a little stronger for short term use.

I think I really really really need something stronger to get me through some of this anxiety phase while seeking therapy.

[RubyWitch]

Ah cnote............as you've seen, all the issues you've been through over the past few years have not driven you insane, and neither will this one.
We've told you, over and over, you need to get into therapy and deal with your health anxiety. It is not going to go away on it's own........you have to find out why you are putting yourself through this and then you can begin to move on with your life. A HEALTHY life.
As always, I wish you the best. Please, this time..........get the help you need.
Peace old friend
Greenlydia