Need help gettig out of this slump that I am in. Need pointers, tools, anything!!!

[sandiemas623]

I have been off work for several months now due to having back to back spinal surgeries.  I have been feeling very depressed that I am not healing as fast as I should.  I have had to submit for both Long Term Disability and SSDI and I am only 43 years old.  I am worried that I wont get it and I will fail as a mother, daughter, and wife.  I had an anxiety attack that ended me up in the hospital for four days.  I feel on edge constantly and have been taking Xanax that was prescribed from the hospital.  Nothing works.  Sometimes I even feel as if my family would be better off with out me. My husband and I are constantly fighting.  I have bc/bs insurance and everywhere that I call only takes AHCCCS which is a welfare type insurance.  I don't know where to turn, how to turn to it, what to do.  I have never felt so desperate and inadequate in my life and need guidance on how to find a doctor that will do an evaluation on me, monitor scripts if needed, and give me some tools to get over this hump...

[rondoo]

I can relate to the not having enough energy to attempt something.  That is why I set small goals.  I am an RN, and am the administrator of my business.  I know exactly what you mean.  Use to being in control and helping and solving other's problems.  I am fortunate that I can set my own hours because some days it is difficult to get a full day in. Trying to keep the way I feel from others becomes difficult.  Sometimes have to shut my office door and let it out.  You sound like you are probably a Type A personality like me and this helplessness doesn't sit well with us.  I have had 2 other periods in life where I have had major depressive episodes.  When you feel well you think "How could I have ever felt that down?, but when it hits again you sure remember.  I have been trying to find things in the evening to keep my mind busy. Lately that has been following national politics..ha ha.   I also try to watch comedies as laughing naturally increases your levels of neurotransmitters.  I am also taking supplements of vitamins b,c,and d and trying to eat better..  Do you think that you need more help with pain control?  That is an underlying problem that with some relief could lessen your depression.  Make a plan, small steps.  It does help your mental attitude if you feel like you are actively working at feeling better.  I don't know if you had a chance to check out the information on Adrenal Fatigue but you may find it helpful.  Keep posting and peace to you.

[sandiemas623]

Thank you for your post.  It sounds like others have felt the same it helps to hear that I am not alone.  Once I started reading the posts I just started crying uncontrolably I think because it made me feel better know that others are out there.  I have been trying to find a doctor and just don't have the energy to do so anymore.  I am in Arizona and will continue.  I do not feel as if I am going to hurt myself or others, just that I know I need help and it is growing beyond my ability to help myself.  So thanks for your kind words.  I will call the number on the back of my insurance card.  I beleive that is what I did last time and they set me up with 5-free sessios with a masters level social worker which is what I am its like talking to a co-worker.  Didn't help and didn't make me feel any better just made me feel worse that I couldn't pull myself out of this slump.  I know better days are ahead I just have to wait for them.  thanks again and I hope life is treating you well.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to talk to  new Doctor about what is going on to make him/her understand and not feel like a willy whinner please advise.  I feel as if all I do is dwell on this stuff and can't move past the daily pain.  I have never been a weak soul and normally I am hte one that helps others.  This has me so down on myself I just have to make smaller goals as noted above.  Thanks

[cookie5525]

I know firsthand the desperation that you are feeling.  You must keep in mind that your body has been through hell, two major surgeries in a short period of time would be very traumatic for anyone.  I know when you are in pain, it is hard to think clearly and you feel like you cannot make a good decision to save your life or even know what to do or where to turn.The first thing I think is finding two doctors, a mental health therapist that specializes in people with chronic pain with depression/anxiety; and secondly, a new good ortho dr. or neurosurgeon to review all of your records, mri's, etc. and try to get to the bottom of your physical pain. Google these types of drs. or call your insurance co.   or go on-line to your BC/BS website to find a new dr.  I have struggled with severe anxiety stemming from being in pain from spinal problems and have now been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, too, and it has caused havoc in my marriage at times.  I take ativan for anxiety/insomnia, and it works well for me.  I have also tried xanax but for me, it did not work.  I know if you can find a good therapist to give you the tools to cope better mentally with everything you are feeling, whether it be in new meds for anxiety/depression, and other ways to deal with the chronic pain such as hypnotherapy, biofeedback, etc. you will be on the road to brighter days in no time. Make that appointment a.s.a.p.   I have been there...Hang in there, and just take the first small step...one problem at a time.  Better days are ahead...