Aa
Has anyone ever felt this way or am I losing it
Hi there all ~
First time posting a question and new to the site, so if I make any online faux pas - forgive me : )
I guess I will start with some back ground because for some reason I feel it is pertinent to how I feel now. I was traing for the breast cancer 3 day last year, so pretty much I worked and walked (5, 10, 15 miles a day) to get ready for the LONG 60 mile journey. I felt great. Felt fit, healthy, happy and inspired to do such an amazing event. In November I did the walk, and made it all 60 miles. I felt great. You are on a high afterward, but then you go back to reality where not everyone is cheering for you when you cross the street : )
So, fast FWD to December where I began to feel overwhelmed by everything. I was crying all of the time and felt burnt out. I thought maybe it was a post walk- experience crash or addrenal fatigue and got through the holidays. Now here is where I am going to (as my son says) "Nut up like a fruit cake" on you guys with the 50 million symptoms.......
In January is when the flood gates opened. I began to have tons of bizzare symptoms and feelings. I thought I was losing it and going crazy. I constantly felt restless, nervous, like a roar inside, rushes of addrenaline (but not full blown flight or fight or panic), unable to relax, tired, twitchy, started having heart palpitations and this stomach flip feeling like when a car cuts you off in traffic and you get that "pang" , shaky, weak - I felt sick. Physically - and obviously I knew emotionally as well. I went to my MD and asked if it was hormones, or anxiety or what...and he did labs, which of course were all normal.
I went to a PDoc (that I didn't really like) but new the symptoms were probably psycho-somatic and was given Lexapro and Ativan
I then started having mini panic attacks and could not go anywhere. Nail salon I have been a million time, had a mini panic attack. Girlfriends hair salon (mind you she is my BEST friend) - mini panic attack. I am not a medication person, but I actually started taking the Ativan. I was even waking up out of a sound sleep and having a full blown (big mama) panic attack - where really scared me, and that is when I became hyper-focused and new I was Anxiety woman because I was then afraid to be alone, and when my hubby would leave at 3:00 in the morning, I was terrified it would happen again.. I am embarressed to admit it - but I even kept my son home a few times so I wasn't alone.
Mind you, work was pretty stressful, I had new clients and my work load increased, but I have always worked. I was a proud single parent for 11 years with my first child, and worked two jobs and finished school, so working hard was "I am women hear me roar" for me.... not new. I do have a past history of always being up and down with the depression pendulum (childhood stuff and past sexual assault, pregnancy at 16 of said "single parent" history) But I have always prevailed and considered myself a pretty tough cookie. So I honest to goodness thought maybe this was a nervous breakdown or something, but then.........
Then March came and I flipped again into the overwhelmed, constant crying, tired, depressed symptoms, which I must say - if I could choose, I would prefer over whatever the hell happened to me in January and Feb - at least now I was able to sleep and not have that constant nervousness.... which was horrible. I was nightlly thinking of checking myself into the hospital, THATS how bad that feeling was. Hardcore.... but the depression was something that was familiar and not as scary. It sucked, but the panic attacks and gross feeling was gone. But.................
It got worse and by late March and April I was barely leaving my room. I have been blessed with being able to work from home, which is pretty handy when you are in a full blown depression (answer a few calls - lay down and cry for an hour - get up and enter some date, while crying) so.. I was able to still work (although not well or effeciently and I am still worried about the many mistakes I could have made) Anyway - sorry so long - I digress (alot)
So April the depression was so bad I was thinking of admitting myself because I didn;t care about anything anymore. At the middle-ish or end of April though I was climbing a few rungs of the ladder out of depression and was abe to leave the house and see a great new PDoc and he changed me to Wellburin and Xanax.
Which brings me to the end of April and current. I am still feeling a low grade depression, but with anxiety. I have never had anxiety before, but some of the old symptoms came back. The rushes or addrenaline and the "Car cutting you off" pang feeling for no reason, the "legs feeling like they are going out from under you" feeling and at times the nervousness for no reason. NO panic attacks thank goodness, but the feelings of the beginnings of them - and then I check myself. What is new and disturbing is NOW that I am "feeling better" (For lack of a better term) and not so depressed or so Bonkers like in January - NOW I feel like I am hyperfocused on my health..... almost like I woke up and I am a hypochondriac. I don't know what symptom is anxiety and what symptoms is something.
I just know I have felt like **** since January and WANT to feel better.. I mean I went from walking 60 miles (and no exageration walking at LEAST 5 miles a day) to feeling like I can barely walk a mile and don;t have the energy to clean my house, and when I do leave I feel faint and dizzy... or like today, I can;t stop crying.
I don't know what happended to me or why (and I am a literal person, I need to know the WHY of something before I can accept it) so what the hell happened to me and why?
Why now? Why in January? What was that? - I know this is all probably just Anxiety - but why. I was doing and feeling so well and this think that has stolen my life just ***** slapped me from no where.
Did my body, mind and soul just CRASH and BURN after the walk...??? Was it too much?? Are old ghost coming out of the closet now that my psyche is old enough (yep I am 40 now) tp deal with things??
I want to feel better (physically) because when I am feeling good physically I can excersise and do the right - good things for my body, but I feel so unwell all of the time. And I want to feel better emotionally, so the crying and anxiety stop and give me my life back.
I am not sure if the Wellbutrin is working or not - and I am not a big fan of medication to begin with, so I ONLY take the xanax if I feel agitated at night before bed.
Please let me know if these adrenaline surges, etc are normal for anxiety and if my pattern above sounds familair to anyone. I feel so bad and NEED some hope that this is normal and will end......
Any insight into WHY and WHAT and WHEN would be appreciated too!!!!
Thanks for listening to the ramblings of what I now call myself, a crazy person....(cus I feel like I am going crazy)
Peace, Love and Hope to all.
First time posting a question and new to the site, so if I make any online faux pas - forgive me : )
I guess I will start with some back ground because for some reason I feel it is pertinent to how I feel now. I was traing for the breast cancer 3 day last year, so pretty much I worked and walked (5, 10, 15 miles a day) to get ready for the LONG 60 mile journey. I felt great. Felt fit, healthy, happy and inspired to do such an amazing event. In November I did the walk, and made it all 60 miles. I felt great. You are on a high afterward, but then you go back to reality where not everyone is cheering for you when you cross the street : )
So, fast FWD to December where I began to feel overwhelmed by everything. I was crying all of the time and felt burnt out. I thought maybe it was a post walk- experience crash or addrenal fatigue and got through the holidays. Now here is where I am going to (as my son says) "Nut up like a fruit cake" on you guys with the 50 million symptoms.......
In January is when the flood gates opened. I began to have tons of bizzare symptoms and feelings. I thought I was losing it and going crazy. I constantly felt restless, nervous, like a roar inside, rushes of addrenaline (but not full blown flight or fight or panic), unable to relax, tired, twitchy, started having heart palpitations and this stomach flip feeling like when a car cuts you off in traffic and you get that "pang" , shaky, weak - I felt sick. Physically - and obviously I knew emotionally as well. I went to my MD and asked if it was hormones, or anxiety or what...and he did labs, which of course were all normal.
I went to a PDoc (that I didn't really like) but new the symptoms were probably psycho-somatic and was given Lexapro and Ativan
I then started having mini panic attacks and could not go anywhere. Nail salon I have been a million time, had a mini panic attack. Girlfriends hair salon (mind you she is my BEST friend) - mini panic attack. I am not a medication person, but I actually started taking the Ativan. I was even waking up out of a sound sleep and having a full blown (big mama) panic attack - where really scared me, and that is when I became hyper-focused and new I was Anxiety woman because I was then afraid to be alone, and when my hubby would leave at 3:00 in the morning, I was terrified it would happen again.. I am embarressed to admit it - but I even kept my son home a few times so I wasn't alone.
Mind you, work was pretty stressful, I had new clients and my work load increased, but I have always worked. I was a proud single parent for 11 years with my first child, and worked two jobs and finished school, so working hard was "I am women hear me roar" for me.... not new. I do have a past history of always being up and down with the depression pendulum (childhood stuff and past sexual assault, pregnancy at 16 of said "single parent" history) But I have always prevailed and considered myself a pretty tough cookie. So I honest to goodness thought maybe this was a nervous breakdown or something, but then.........
Then March came and I flipped again into the overwhelmed, constant crying, tired, depressed symptoms, which I must say - if I could choose, I would prefer over whatever the hell happened to me in January and Feb - at least now I was able to sleep and not have that constant nervousness.... which was horrible. I was nightlly thinking of checking myself into the hospital, THATS how bad that feeling was. Hardcore.... but the depression was something that was familiar and not as scary. It sucked, but the panic attacks and gross feeling was gone. But.................
It got worse and by late March and April I was barely leaving my room. I have been blessed with being able to work from home, which is pretty handy when you are in a full blown depression (answer a few calls - lay down and cry for an hour - get up and enter some date, while crying) so.. I was able to still work (although not well or effeciently and I am still worried about the many mistakes I could have made) Anyway - sorry so long - I digress (alot)
So April the depression was so bad I was thinking of admitting myself because I didn;t care about anything anymore. At the middle-ish or end of April though I was climbing a few rungs of the ladder out of depression and was abe to leave the house and see a great new PDoc and he changed me to Wellburin and Xanax.
Which brings me to the end of April and current. I am still feeling a low grade depression, but with anxiety. I have never had anxiety before, but some of the old symptoms came back. The rushes or addrenaline and the "Car cutting you off" pang feeling for no reason, the "legs feeling like they are going out from under you" feeling and at times the nervousness for no reason. NO panic attacks thank goodness, but the feelings of the beginnings of them - and then I check myself. What is new and disturbing is NOW that I am "feeling better" (For lack of a better term) and not so depressed or so Bonkers like in January - NOW I feel like I am hyperfocused on my health..... almost like I woke up and I am a hypochondriac. I don't know what symptom is anxiety and what symptoms is something.
I just know I have felt like **** since January and WANT to feel better.. I mean I went from walking 60 miles (and no exageration walking at LEAST 5 miles a day) to feeling like I can barely walk a mile and don;t have the energy to clean my house, and when I do leave I feel faint and dizzy... or like today, I can;t stop crying.
I don't know what happended to me or why (and I am a literal person, I need to know the WHY of something before I can accept it) so what the hell happened to me and why?
Why now? Why in January? What was that? - I know this is all probably just Anxiety - but why. I was doing and feeling so well and this think that has stolen my life just ***** slapped me from no where.
Did my body, mind and soul just CRASH and BURN after the walk...??? Was it too much?? Are old ghost coming out of the closet now that my psyche is old enough (yep I am 40 now) tp deal with things??
I want to feel better (physically) because when I am feeling good physically I can excersise and do the right - good things for my body, but I feel so unwell all of the time. And I want to feel better emotionally, so the crying and anxiety stop and give me my life back.
I am not sure if the Wellbutrin is working or not - and I am not a big fan of medication to begin with, so I ONLY take the xanax if I feel agitated at night before bed.
Please let me know if these adrenaline surges, etc are normal for anxiety and if my pattern above sounds familair to anyone. I feel so bad and NEED some hope that this is normal and will end......
Any insight into WHY and WHAT and WHEN would be appreciated too!!!!
Thanks for listening to the ramblings of what I now call myself, a crazy person....(cus I feel like I am going crazy)
Peace, Love and Hope to all.
The weight gain could be the wellbutrin. Wellbutrin is good for depression, but so good for anxiety, it can increase it or cause it. The lexapro would have treated both had it worked, but it also has more side effects and problems coming off of. As for coming on suddenly, who knows if there's a real cause? Most of us had our anxiety come on pretty suddenly, and never have found a cause that makes sense.
I would probably recommend therapy, and discuss your anxiety more with your psychiatrist. Ask him about whether wellbutrin is the appropriate medication for someone for whom anxiety is a problem. And remember, he might be more clueless than you are about meds!
I would probably recommend therapy, and discuss your anxiety more with your psychiatrist. Ask him about whether wellbutrin is the appropriate medication for someone for whom anxiety is a problem. And remember, he might be more clueless than you are about meds!
Not that my first post wasn't long enough............ : )
I want to add that I was 166 in December and I am now (5 mo later) I am up to 192.
What the heck??
Which is exacerbating my depression (I tend to think I am not good enough to go here, to fat to go there) and makes me even more isolated
And it exacerbates the anxiety because I now have one more thing to worry about (why did I gain this, why can;t I lose this)
Has the weight gain happened to anyone else????????????????
Please be honest!!
Thank you !!
I want to add that I was 166 in December and I am now (5 mo later) I am up to 192.
What the heck??
Which is exacerbating my depression (I tend to think I am not good enough to go here, to fat to go there) and makes me even more isolated
And it exacerbates the anxiety because I now have one more thing to worry about (why did I gain this, why can;t I lose this)
Has the weight gain happened to anyone else????????????????
Please be honest!!
Thank you !!
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