Anxiety, Nerve Damage, And Ready to Give Up

[alxndrwlsn]

I have been dealing with an overwhelmingly difficult 'anxiety disorder' for about two years now after having a bad experience with psychadelic drugs.

At first I was experiencing textbook anxiety; Tight chest, panic attacks, and a little bit more frightening than the rest was the strange thoughts and circular reasoning about what I was experiencing. I was losing touch with reality, and in my own little world.

And every few months or so, I experience NEW 'symptoms' and become better equiped to deal with others.

I also had a bought of obsessive thoughts (And still sort of do) where I would be afraid of heights, be stricken with a strange dizziness, and have incredible anxiety about myself jumping off the heights.

And as I said, new symptoms always seem to show up. Most recently I have been dealing with what I believe is nerve damage. I don't know how much longer my body can deal with all of this.

Most notably, I have problems with my vision. I can also trace most of the anxiety that I feel to be at night. But lately it has been 24/7. When I look at lights, they are too bright and bothersome. There is also sometimes a swaying water like movement in the lights, like on the computer monitor or tv screen. This is more prominent when there is an image in front of a white background; then the image will be moving to and fro. I also see things in my peripherals almost constantly, and as I said, it is much more prominent at night.

I also have, almost always, a heavy sort of feeling in my head. My muscles, mostly my arms, feel weak and it is difficult to move them. This is something I deal with 24/7 and it is getting bad. My hands are constantly very shaky and I have lost a considerable amount of coordination in them. My feet often pulse heavily, and sometimes this prevents me from sleeping.

And worse than anything else, my body feels antsy almost always. But it isn't the normal healthy person antsy, I have experience that. Not like going on a first date with someone, or sitting in traffic, or waiting for some kind of test results. This is a profound feeling of waiting to do something, a feeling of getting ready to 'jump out of my skin', or do something crazy (Hence the fear that i'll go and off myself for some sort of peace-like reward to my suffering body and mind). I also have incredible amount of thought disorder, forget words constantly, forget names, and have Deja Vu ALL the time.

I also cannot sleep. I go to bed almost every night at 4 or 5 am, and then wake up at around 2 (I can do this as my college classes are not till late in the evening). This has now probably become just my internal clock, but then again I also feel miserably tired and lethargic for most of the day. And sometime I do feel sleepy at a normal time, especially If I woke up early that day. And still, no sleep. I'll lay in bed for even more hours later into the night if I try to go to bed at a decent hour, at like 11 or 12. Then i'll be up till 7 am and hear everyone around me getting up for work and to start the day. It's a miserable cycle....

What is going on? I see a psychologist and have seen my general physician, but neither seem to be able to help. They both suggest it's anxiety, and that I could try meds. At this point i'm willing to give it another go (I've tried prozac and zoloft but didnt like the side effects. Not to mention I have strong opinions based on a lot of evidence about how bad these drugs can be.) I also have a hard time explaining myself in words in the day time, because typically during the day I feel a little bit better in the head (Still my body feels bad), and so I am not as desperate as I am EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

I also try to work out at least 3 times a week, eat semi-healthy, and have for the most part given up drinking. (Which is sad and pathetic as most everyone around me drinks a lot.)

I'm worried i'm just too sensitive to live, and that there really is nothing to live for if I am going to be miserable all the time. I know this has been said before, but I just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

Any thoughts, ideas, help would be appreciated!!!

Thanks!

[alejandro111]

Try the linden method trust me it works look it up on google

[sleepsleep]

Hi there. I pretty much know about all the things you mentioned from experience.

But first off (and dont be scared about this) youll of course get some anxiety provoking answers in here. But make sure your doc has made the test he should to rule out everything else then anxiety.

But might be some minor thing thats keeping you down and feeling weaker then usual. As many "general anxiety"- They can get a lack of D vitamins really easy, from not eating right and staying inside where its "safe".-

But no, im not a fan of the pills either so I get that. And some can mess you up.- But doesnt mean that people cant be helped by them either.

Light of the end of the tunnel. . . Well. . . Ask yourself. . . Could things really be any worse now ?  Dont think you should give up. But at a time like this, try to also not focus to much about it. Try too accept that things just arent working atm in your life.

Then take it slowly from there.

But ive been in the same you place you seam to be in. . .
My thoughts are like this.

I can either give up, lay down and die- Or I can accept my situation knowing it cant get worse.

I love life. Yet my situation is keeping from experiencing it fully atm, I wont give up the chance to get to do so.

Think of your dreams and your goals. And if you find yourself lacking them, try to find them.

Everyone has dreams. Its just a issue with believing you have what it takes to get to experiencing them.

Ive always dreamed of going to Japan, might sound silly. . . But it just appeals to me. The contrast of the big busy city and the calm outskirts-  

That dream seams kinda impossible atm, but when thinking the factors thats controlling my life atm is just a piece of my mind messing with me. . . I see hope.

I wasnt born with anxiety, i developed it. Thus I can eliminate it.
So can you. . . And sure it aint easy, but its possible.

And thats what you gotta keep in mind.


Also if you try to accept things a bit more instead of fearing it will never pass. . . Your just gonna keep worrying yourself.
Might be a strong factor of your sleep issue.

Get your Doc to do a proper check-up if he hasnt already, then try and accept how your feeling.
Sounds to me like you might have to slow down a bit and figure out what YOU want in life. Not what others want for you. Then take time for it. Even the smallest things.

Also I know about the visual issue,. Gotten better for me. . .

But yeah its kinda like if someone is sitting in front of a window with a clear blue sky. . .
You have a hard time focusing on the person and feel like your eyes relax much more just looking at the sky behind him.

Why that was, im unsure of.
But guessing for me it was a period of sitting at home in the dark with only a screen turned on too long. So the eyes got too used to the one contrast. . . And when there where two, my eyes would have a hard time adjusting.

But hell I dont know. Just know its better now. At times it can happen a bit, where I will be clinching my eyes a bit until they adjust.


And about drinking. . .Did you give it up for yourself or the anxiety.- And its not sad or pathetic. I was out drinking Saturday night after a long time without. . . Yesterday I spend all day vomiting and holding my head. . . thats sad and pathetic. . . And at the end of the night what did I have to show for it ? Nothing but a lower number on my account.

Sure I got to hang with some friends. . .But can do that without.
I enjoy more to sit with a selected few and just enjoy talking, watching movies and playing games. No need to yell, spend money and feel sick after.

So yeah, try and get a focus on what you want.
Dont give up.