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Anxiety but something embarrassing...
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Anxiety but something embarrassing...

Hi & thanks for reading. I have had anxiety for about 18 yrs on and off.
The OFF part happens when I feel great and lower my dose of medication then go back to very bad anxiety, then when I raise the medication dose it takes a while but always got back to normal. You would think after so long a person would learn! Ok so I am about 5 weeks in with raising my dose because of another attempt at lowering it. Each week has beens touch better but it feels like (well I have this worry) that it will not go back to normal this time even though it has the other 5 times.
Just to be clear, I am not looking on how to get off of the medication, I won't go through that again.
So here is the embarrassing part of my anxiety.....whenever I have the relapses, part of it is feeling so much shame for something my sister And my husband say it soooooo silly to care about......everyone has done or does it.......I hate saying the word even.....masturbate! Gaaahh.
when I was a preteen/teen. For some reason when I have these relapses, this is something  that creeps up and makes me feel bad, gross, dirty.....then I start hating myself. I didn't do anything abnormal, I know this for sure, but why does this bother me so bad to te point of me wanting to throw up? It really is the only thing that "bad" that I have done in my life (I'm 32 by the way, female).

Is it really just the anxiety making me look for something to worry about?
anyone had the same thing happen?

I guess I am just looking for some reassurance.

Thanks
4 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
You already know you're going through these ups and downs because you keep going on and off of your meds. It's best to take them as your Dr prescribed.
No, you did not do anything abnormal. Try to put that out of your mind.
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Avatar_f_tn
I never changed medication doses without consulting the dr first. It's not easy to put things out of my mind with the snxiety
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1041243_tn?1375234120
Most people masturbate from puberty on, like, for life. So if you're dirty, the rest of us are all huge pigs lol! Yes, this is your anxiety finding ways to scare you. Aside from medication, are you in therapy? This is very important with anxiety, as meds only treat the symptoms, not the anxiety itself.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks for your reply :)
I think in "normal" life (no anxiety) I'm pretty sure I could laugh it off......so must be the anxiety right?
Usually when my medication kicks back in I remember being able to thinking more rationally. When I am in the anxiety tho it doesn't feel like it will go away and I feel like I am doomed, but it feels like I am doomed from those "actions"
I've been in therapy in the past, not sure if it helped much. Id rather  do the talking with my sis-in-law and my husband I think.

Maybe I'm being too impatient waiting for the medication to kick fully in?
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