Anxiety has defeated me

[j17c27]

I really have reached a breaking point...I try so hard to help people on this site but as much advice as I try to give, I cant take any of my own...I have a phobia of throwing up and it sounds so small, but it has taken over my life so incredibly I am just so desperate for help but no treatments seem to be helping...
I currently take 100mg of Pristiq...for months now it hasnt done me any good...but as much as I tell my psychiatrist this she says "the Pristiq is working, you just need to learn to cope" But i CANT. Ive seen so many different therapists and it seems they just give up on me.  Therapists always say "Its just throwing up, its natural...I dont understand what is to fear just think of how its not bad" and they are so not helpful...if anything, its you guys on this forum who have helped me the most...
Im 17, Im going away 3 hours from home to another state for college in 24 days and I absolutely cant handle it...I dont think I have stopped crying for 3 days straight...i cant leave my house, I cant do anything...Im so sick of anxiety taking over my life so intensely...
I do everything from the books, stay away from caffine, medication, therapy, etc but nothing helps me. I swear I was put on this earth soley to suffer.  People keep telling me "these are the best years of your life" but I am living hell every single day...worse than hell...Its getting to the point where suicide sounds incredibly more pleasant than having to suffer through another day...
Has anyone reached anxiety to a point so bad where there just wasnt anything you could do? Is suicide my only option to be at peace at this point? I am so defeated right now...I feel like the worst piece of **** on this planet...will I ever live 1 day on this earth where I can just breathe and be happy?

[DJ873]

To answer your question, yes, absolutely, while I never actively considered it, I have felt that it seemed like the last option and freedom from such intense suffering. I know you are so helpful to others but yes, it is time to heed your own words. Your fear is no more or less intense than any of our fears. I mean, I would laugh if you told me I had to drive to another town right now, or even to have a moment of peace out of the ever invasive thoughts that go through my head telling me that I'm crazy and well, many many things. anyway, Have you read any Eckhart Tolle? He is absolutely amazing and was also to the point you are. Try reading him, you might be pleasantly surprised at how you can retrain your thinking and accept what is so.

[turkee23]

im so sorry you are going through this as you have been one of the people who have been helping me VERY much. i believe you will be happy but we have to find it in ourselves. we are all struggling with something right now. and probably the thought of you going away to college is what is stressing you out and making you panic.  maybe once you get there and start doing it everyday it will get better.


im sorry i dont have the best advice for you cause you have always had such good stuff to say to me. i will say a prayer for you tonight

[nursegirl6572]

If you TRULY feel suicide is an option, you must seek help IMMEDIATELY.  Of course many of us have been to the depths of despair and have struggled for long periods of time to find the right answer to our anxiety.  It's hard to be patient, I understand that.

I know it's tough, but you need to keep trying and seek out another doctor and another therapist.  Find a doctor who will listen.  Pristiq isn't the best option for treating anxiety, and I can't recall if you've tried other meds.  If not, there are definitely better options.  Is this doc a psychiatrist?  If not, be sure to find one that is.  Sometimes it also takes time to find a therapist who is the right fit.

Yes, there will be better days.  I know it doesn't feel like that...but it's true.  YOU have to fight for it and put the time and effort into continuing to seek out help for yourself.  It's not easy...but with perserverance, you will get back to neing you again!

[mammo]

I totally agree with all the above.  You are so much help to others on here and often we are good at giving advice but not taking it ourselves.  Suicide is not an option, and you don't know that it wouldn't take you to a worse place where there is no hope.  I think going away to college has overwhelmed you, and increased your anxiety.  Know that most people are nervous about college and being away from home, don't be so hard on yourself.  It sounds like your doctor isn't listening to you, I would definitely find a new doctor ASAP and make sure it's a psychiatrist.  If the Pristiq isn't helping you...how can you feel better?  Your doctor isn't listening to you, it's definitely time to find a new one.  I've been where you are so know there is always hope and I think you've been spinning your wheels with your current doctor.  With proper help you will feel better, never give up.

[jul04]

I am so sorry that you are going through such a hard time right now.  I pretty much agree with what everyone else has said.  It is time for you to find a new therapist and possibly a better medication.  One that works for you!!!

Going away to college is a huge life changing experience.  I agree that thinking about it is stressing you out more.  Have you tried talking to your parents about they way you are feeling?  If not you might want to consider doing so.

I have been where you are so I know how overwhelming it can be.  But you have to find the strenght to push through and you find it within your will to live and not let the anxiety control you.  I am not saying this is easy because it isn't and you will have your ups and downs but you just keep moving on.  When you fall you get back up, brush yourself off and keep moving forward.  Don't dwell on it.  

When I use to get anxiety attacks they would knock me down to that dark place but now I say O.K. I had an attack, it is over with let's move on.  

Try and focus on the positives of going away to school.  If that doesn't help do you think a better option for you would be to go to a college closer to home?  Going away to school is not for everyone.

I can't tell you what to do but I can listen if you need someone to talk to you.  I would suggest you talk to your parents about what you think will be best for you, find a new psychatrist and figure out a better treatment plan for you and maybe keep a journal to help release some of the fears you have bottled up inside.

Please know that everyone on this forum is here for you.  Suicide is not the answer if you are really thinking about suicide then please get help NOW!!!  There is so much help out there.  You have to know that you can and you will get better!!!

Lots of luck.  

[lynn57]

Sorry that you have been feeling so rotten.  You definitely need a new doctor.  If it's been months since starting the pristiq and you have no relief it is NOT working.  You need a doctor that is willing to work with you until you have some improvement in how you feel.

[j17c27]

Thank you for your kind responses, they helped me feel better.
I would consider a new psychiatrist (who perscribed me Pristiq) but she always has a way of making me feel sooo much better. When Im freaking out, she has some way with words that often make me feel better.
SOmeone who makes me feel better is my mom.  That is why I am scared to go out of state for college.  I guess I will have to try it out and see if it is something I can handle. I just talked to my psychiatrist and she perscribed me hydroxyzine which I guess helps with anxiety and nausea.  SHe told me to take it on an as-need basis.  I took it for the first time tonight since my anxiety was once again bad so I am going to see how it works

[erin626]

I was on compazine for a little while. It really helped with the nausea. I know exactly how you feel. Because we have the exact same fear. I've really thought to myself that I would be better off if I died than living with this terrible phobia. But then there's those brief moments in my life that are so happy that I'm glad it didn't. This phobia ***** and its probably one of the worst ones to have because its an unavoidable fear but I try to remember this: I've thrown up before and my world didn't end and I made it through. So if it happens again I know I will be petrified and freak out but I will somehow manage through it. You can do it. I'm 10 years older than you and have somehow managed and if I can you can too. My fear is so bad that this is the first time I've even told anyone because it makes me panic even thinking about it.

[j17c27]

Exactly, the thing that gets me is that it is unavoidable.  If i were never nauseous, or knew for a fact I would never throw up again in my life Im pretty sure Id never feel anxious again.  It makes me feel so much better that I am not alone. Given the choice right now to die or throw up, id chose die without a second thought.  I just hate how I live in fear constantly..fear of not knowing if im actually sick or if its just anxiety, not knowing if someone Im sharing a drink with is carrying germs, etc.

[Matt_W]

Never give up, no matter what you do, were all here to help you out!! repeat to yourself and breathe deeply "i am in control of my body" over and over again with your eyes closed and subconstiously you will win the fight!!!