need help fast

[worriedscared140]

hey guys ,

over the last couple of months i have slipped into being a hypocondriac i think.  i have particularly been worried about HIV, i don't know why.  i started to look online for symptoms, and saw that a rash was something that was very common for the disease.  for about 5 months now i have had a rash on my hands.  i immediatley got worried, went to some doctors and have been told that things are fine.  i actually got an HIV test 4.5 months after my exposure and the result came back negative.  you would think that would be enough right?  wrong.  i seem to keep thinking that the result could have been wrong or that the test got messed up some how.  i don't understand it.  when my HIV results were revealed to me the doctor said "your tests are negative across the board" which made me feel good.  but at the end of the meeting, she once again asked me my exposure, which made me worry.  If i was negative, i was negative right?  why would she have to ask that?  i also went to the dermatologist and she told me that she has seen many of them and that i have nothing to worry about.

its like its become more of a habit for me now to think about it.  its a vicious cycle that i need to break out of.  is there any advice that anybody could give me?  i don't know why i keep having these thoughts.  i am not that type of person, but for the last couple of months i have been and i don't want it to ruin who i am.  if anybody could help me i would greatly appreciate it.  i need support.

thanks

[MrGreen]

We know the root of your problems. Guilt. Have you tried addressing the problem? As in talking with your girlfriend? Telling her everything? You might just be holding this big guilt thing within. Have to let it come out. You don't want professional help. What would happen there is they would teach you methods of letting go and coping skills. But a good heart to heart with your girlfriend may solve everything.

[worriedscared140]

do you have any tips besides that?

[detpiston7788]

Hey i been in ur situation too, i've done risky stuff for the past years and finally got tested last april, came back neg.... I sometimes have trouble accepting it, alot of people do.. Sometimes we feel because we feel we deserve punishment for  having multiple partners, had unprotected sex with someone u dont know etc... Listen, its called being human! Im starting to accept my negative status and trying to move on, u should too. Best thing to do is... DONT GO INTO HIV WEBSITES OR SEARCH ANYTHING IN RELATION TO HIV, REPEAT: DONT GO INTO HIV WEBSITES OR SEARCH ANYTHING IN RELATION TO HIV. It'll stay in ur mind.  The mind is a powefull thing... Think of the good things u have in life... your family,friends! Be happy!  You got this, everything is gonna be ok!

[worriedscared140]

the thing that i think has the root of the fear instilled in me was guilt.  i had broken up with my girlfriend and messed around with another girl at school.  we ended up getting back together and i didn't want to hurt her, so i got tested.  but the fear that i am hurting my current girlfriend is the thing that is haunting me the most.  in all reality, i feel that if i did not have a girlfriend then i really wouldn't worry about it, so i think guilt is most likely it.  i love my girlfriend so much and the fear of hurting her cripples me and makes me cringe.  

we werent dating, but i just felt so guilty when it happened.  

[MrGreen]

I have the above mentioned book as well. Somebody gave it to me once. May do the trick for you.

[MrGreen]

Accepting the truth is tough. Should have said it wouldn't be easy at all. At best you can keep a diary of sorts. Of your thoughts and moods and your reactions to those thoughs. Maybe for a week or two to begin with. Then read them back. See exactly where you want to make the changes. Nobody says it has to be done in one big go. Do it at your own pace. See can you make slight changes to your lifestyle. That might help the whole situation. Then you can reason with yourself. What has got worse since you first began think you have HIV? Thoughts alone would probably be the answer there. Why should you have HIV? You can diary your thoughts down on that one. Trying to get to the root of the problem. When did your lifestyle change first that kick started all this off? The rash? Which a skin expert says is a normal rash. It could be anxiety related. Can we try and clear the rash up? Just a few ideas. All about, both reasoning and trying to get your mind off HIV. Be it use distraction. You feel a thought coming on maybe do some gardening. Use an MP3 player. Watch a movie. The less you stop thinking about, the faster the rash might vanish. Then you will see it was all a lot of wasted fear. Keep posting here. Others will have ideas too. They are a good bunch of people who offer great words of advice. But keep the head up. One step at a time. Don't dive into it. We will get there.

[fetalmind]

There is a book called The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr David Burns which my doctor recommended I buy. I did and its amazing. It helps accepting the truth, cognitive therapy, talks about depression, anxiety and hypochondria. I definitely think this could help you.

[worriedscared140]

thank you

i just dont know how to change my mindset.  i don't know how to react, and i think that i just had convinced myself that i had HIV, but now that i got the result that i don't, i still cant stop thinking that i might some how.  i do not know what to tell myself in order to make myself believe that i don't.  i try to go over the conversation in my head that i had with the doctor, and sometimes it works.  sometimes it does not though.  i am just constantly looking down at my hands and seeing a rash, that could even be related to anxiety, and i worry and think HIV, even though i know i have already recieved news that i do not have it.  it's like im my own worst enemy, and i do not feel far from being able to conquer it.  i really feel like i can do it, but i just want it to stop.  the mindset has to stop and i do not know how to do it.  i want to help myself, and do not want professional help.  i want to show myself that i can be strong and do it myself.  accepting the truth is sometimes tough.  do you have any advice on anything that i have just stated?

thanks again, your a life saver

[MrGreen]

It all boils down to be able to accept the truth. You haven't got HIV. If you wanted to you could reason with yourself. As to why you think you should HIV? What exactly is going through your mind that makes you think this way? Then look at your reaction to it. Then the symptoms it brings on. See how one little thought can have a big effect on a person? It changes everything. You have to ask yourself ' could I have thought a different way '? or ' Could I have reacted in a different way '? Kind of like tracing where the thoughts are coming from and your reaction to them. And trying to nip it in the bud early on. By altering your reaction mainly. This would be the non medication route. Medication doesn't change our thoughts for us. We have to change them ourselves. Just like our reactions to the thoughts. Only we can change them. May take a bit of practice. To me, that is the road you need to head down.