Anxiety issues leading to alcohol issues

[Jendrew28]

I love my fiancé more than anything in the world, but she has major anxiety issues. The big issue that this causes is when it gets out of control it leads her to drinking large amounts of hard alcohol. She'll drink entire bottles of vodka in an afternoon. When she goes through these phases, she's secretive and lies about it constantly until I catch her red handed. After I get her to sober up, she goes through serious withdrawals that have landed her in the hospital. She's able to have just one or two drinks most of the time, so we're not sure if the issue is alcohol. We think it has more to do with her anxiety, but every time she goes to the doctor, they give her meds to curb her cravings, even though she doesn't really crave alcohol. We need to figure out a solution to her anxiety and why it is she relies on alcohol when it gets bad. Is this a common issue? Does anyone know of any solutions?

[LolaLovesTex]

Wow, seriously. You, my friend, are part of your fiancee's issue. She's the alcoholic but you're the enabler. It's a perfect scenario for TWO people with anxiety, abandonment issues, self-image & self-esteem problems.
  
You both are entrenched in her illness. What any of us need to do within the many facets of any relationship is to ask, "What am I REALLY getting out of this?". What's the payoff? The chaos on the surface is just that. It's something to focus on rather than the pain that can feel crippling, that's under the surface. Now...picture an iceberg.

As long as she is "sick" & has someone to keep saving her, taking care of her AND is willing to allow her to STAY sick, she will never leave the relationship. Dependence does not neccesitate love. And, in this case, it doesn't bode well for future happiness.

Your fiancee is an alcoholic. She knows it. She hides the true level of her drinking because that is part of your current agreement. She is behaving within her perceived boundaries of what YOU are willing to accept & take on. But, her ongoing thought process, "If he knew how much I....(multiple choice fill-in-the-blank, here), he'd see how _______ I really am and leave me!". This means that the current aggreements in your relationship, the playing cards you each YOU each willingly
I would encourage you both to entertain some (more :) uncomfortable ideas & do some tough work. 1. She needs to go through a full detox and if possible, go to a fill-time, inpatient program for as long as can be arranged.p

[nursegirl6572]

Yes, but it's a cycle and she's self medicating with the alcohol which in turn will make the anxiety 100 times worse.  She needs to continue to try to find ways to manage her anxiety, there are lots of treatment options...she needs to put some work in to make some changes too!

[Jendrew28]

The alcohol has been addressed several times, but it's never an issue without the anxiety. She can have a few drinks without binging, but a few times a year, the anxiety takes over and she can't help herself.

[Jendrew28]

Yes, Alcohol is an issue, but only when the anxiety takes over. She can typically have a few drinks without binging. She's gone to the Dr. several times and they only try treating the alcoholism. It's a very frustrating situation. She has had anxiety treated and been prescribed meds, but only one (which I forget the name of) has actually worked for her. That one, of course, is one the Drs. won't give her. What I'm seeking is an alternative treatment.

[nursegirl6572]

She most definitely has an alcohol problem, especially considering that she experiences w/ds.  That means she's drinking pretty regularly.  Many people with addiction problems seek either alcohol or drugs to self medicate away the symptoms of an unmanaged mental illness, like depression or anxiety.  BOTH issues need addressed concurrently.

We have a great alcoholism and addiction forum here as well that I encourage you to check out.  Please let us know how she's doing.  I wish you the best!

[TTinKKerBBell]

"entire bottles of vodka in an afternoon" is a problem no matter what else may be going on!!

Certainly address the anxiety but absolutely address that amount of alcohol consumption.  ONE bottle of vodka in an afternoon would alarm me immensely. You say She goes through serious withdrawals that land Her in the hospital.  She could die from alcohol poisoning with that amount.  That is a LOT of alcohol for anyone.  In my opinion this Woman needs serious intervention. How long has She been doing this?