Anxiety of HIV

[worriedalot92]

I have already posted 2 questions one in STD and one in HIV so i dont know if iam allowed to ask anymore but i will write this because iam so stressed.
I dont believe i have OCD its just the fear from HIV because its dangerous and because my society will look at me as a worthless scum who isnot normal, and i cant live with hiv either financially ....etc.
Im a guy who girls arenot so much into him in fact at all, which is fine no problem to me the problem is 99% every time i want to have any sexual activity i have to call a CSW which feels bad and puts me at higher risk plus i dont really beleive CDC odds about 1/1000 to 1/2000 odds of catching hiv it seems unrealistic.

After each time i always feel HIV anxious ,and live in fear for months until i get tested after negative results i get normal ,but i do get another CSW and it repeats it self i cant sleep or eat
I was told here that if my condom was intact i had no risk i beleive them but always something gets me stressed again like in this region HIV STRAIN E is common and i have heard that its easier to get on odds of 1/40 maybe  so i get stressed i cant live a normal life seeing all people around me are sexually active and they dont even bother to test and sleep normally while i live in fears.

Last time i received oral only which is not risk at all i did that because i knew i cant get hiv and other STD risk is almost zero ,but when i remembered that she tried to push my p**is inside i got stressed and didnot remember if it went in or not if it did it was a penetration maybe of 1 cm for 1 or 2 seconds and i believe the condom was on and i started thinking maybe the condom wasnot on me or maybe the tip of the condom had air in it and these things.
Now i still have 22 days until i can test duo at 28 days always thinking i may be positive always check my temp my lymph nodes its stressful my graduation is after 1 month and i cant do anything always mad always rejecting my parents phone calls surfing the net i have read tons of threads on this webiste so i felt good but always there is a post that the person said he tested positive and i get more stressed , i dont want to have HIV because i dont want to suicide i took a decision that if i tested negative i will stop all sexual activities until i get married if there is anybody like me i would like to discuss

[specialmom]

You need to see someone about your anxiety disorder.  And yes, when we participate in an activity that makes us feel like we can think about nothing else because of its consequences (real or imagined), there is really a problem if we don't stop that activity. Glad you are getting that under control and please talk to a doctor to work on this.  Make sure the girls you are interested in are not looking for Mr. Perfect and you have to make sure YOU are not looking for Miss Perfect.  So many guys say that girls don't 'like them but then they have their heart set on super models.  :>)  Don't know your situation but keep it real when trying to date.  Anyway, good luck

[worriedalot92]

thanks for all of your time to read and write back much appreciated really ,i will see a psychologist if i tested negative at 28 days , and for the girls part and mrs perfect i dont really care honestly i just want my health to be fine, i mentioned the girls issue just to tell   you why iam always with CSW eventhough i feel guilt and regret it always, thanks again

[Paxiled]

I have no idea if you've ever engaged in behavior you haven't mentioned that put you at risk, but that's really not your problem.  Your problem is you engage in risky behavior because you say women don't like you, but I'm guessing you live in a culture where it's probably not as easy as in western societies to find a girlfriend to have sex with.  I'm guessing you have no real idea if girls like you or not, this is probably more your insecurity than reality.  That's your problem, and if you live where there are psychologists, it might be a good idea to see why you're so insecure about yourself.  And of course there are other ways to relieve sexual pressure without having sex with high-risk women, but maybe you have a cultural problem with that as well.  In which case, until you can solve this insecurity you're suffering and the anxiety that is becoming fixated on this issue (and it could fixate on anything) maybe you need a new hobby until you marry.  And you've got a misconception of what OCD is.  With some good counsel I think you can gain the confidence to get more of what you want in life.  Good luck.

[worriedalot92]

its not like that my exposure was protected oral which is no risk for hiv, but i may penetrated her for 1 cm for 1 second and i didnot notice iam virgin i dont know how intercourse feels but iam more than 90% sure i was protected , and trust me iam not insecure its just girls dont like me the best thing i get from them is they like my eyes ir my height which is pointless lol, but not a problem its fine to me really all iam worried about now is i want to be HIV free but cant wait 21 days with this fears and cant afford the test that cn do early detection i ant eat or sleep specially reading that the HIV subtype where iam now is more easily transmitted and so many people on this forum got hiv positive in this area which is SOUTH EAST ASIA i swear no more sexual activities all i want is to be HIV free now and live normally

[worriedalot92]

Iam panicking because i have heard about subtype E or hiv CRF A/E which is most common in south east asia where iam now and it can have very longer window period, i have read peoples stories on forums like POZ when they tested negativ at 3 and 4 months but positive later some doctors online says it can take up to long time to be detectable as well any one knows about this subtype?