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Anxious and scared of anxiety returning
To whoever it may concern,
I am a 19 year old male. I have struggled with anxiety since 2011 when I was 15.
My main problem is that I have obsessive intense fear of anxiety returning and reducing my quality of life.
How it started?: In 2011 I had chest pains, I was anxious that my chest pains where something serious. The obsessive worrying about chest pains made me anxious and as a result caused me to have an awful time on a school trip. That started my fear of anxiety. I then began to fear anxiety returning and not going away, and over time the very thought of anxiety catalyzes my anxiety/panic. When I am like this I think and obsess about it all the time, constantly checking on myself and in fear of anxiety coming back, and as a result constantly anxious. I am aware that one worry of anxiety can lead to obsessive worrying of anxiety returning which is what ruins your quality of life, and thus the very thought of it trigger anxiety/panic .
Over the years it has been up and down, but generally any spell of intense anxiety and obsessive thinking passes in 2-3 weeks. But this recent spell has been constant since February of this year. I had been relatively anxiety free for a year, but one of my flat mates in college attempted suicide, and whilst I didnt know him well I began to think and worry that one day my anxiety may drive me crazy and down his path. Thus my fear of anxiety returned, and resulted in period of panic. I think about the anxiety all the time and it has a large negative influence on my quality of life, the harder I try not think about it the more I get anxious when i do think about it. I also get a little depressed as a result as I don't really get excited for things anymore as I believe I will just obsess about my anxiety the whole time and thus not enjoy my time. I have been to the GP and a psychiatrist and have been on Cipralex, pristiq, zoloft and xanax, all with limited effects. I am yet to start CBT, as my shrink believes its better to find a medication that makes me feel somewhat better before starting that form of therapy.
My anxiety usually peaks either when I am away from home (out of my routine) or when i am looking forward to something and as a result at greater fear of anxiety returning and ruining it.
Basically im looking out to anyone who can relate to how I feel and or has advice on what form of treatment worked for them. I really would appreciate it!!
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