Anxiety about sudden dizziness and vision stuff

[shortwavesig]

Hi everyone. I'm sorry that this is a bit rambly.

I started having severe anxiety and panic attacks in early 2014 (I was 15 years old). I went through extreme mental and physical hell for about a year, having many panic attacks every day, after stubbornly refusing medication (Ativan). I had blood work and EKGs done around this time, revealing that it was just my weak mind causing my symptoms (heart racing, sweating, etc.). I also had physical health issues; I've always been a skinny kid because of my extreme mental aversion to meat. Somehow I ended up being like 125 lbs at 5'10'' at age 15, (NOT GOOD). I began working out slowly in late 2014, with 20 minutes of light cardio every morning before school (I would wake up at 5:30 am). I also began eating more. Then I got into running. Cycling. Weightlifting. Even boxing. My cardio got really good from about 2015-2016. I now do two hours of exercise everyday (EVEN SCHOOL DAYS, in college now). 20 minutes of cardio in the morning followed by 40 minutes of weights; in the late afternoon, at most an hour of cardio (cycling). My cardio and strength is very good today. Today I weigh 164 lbs at 6'0'' at 18 years old (male). Recently though, because of my college experience my panic attacks have returned. But not as badly. Like, I was getting them in a certain class I was afraid of failing. Somehow I passed that class just recently with an okay grade (I really put a lot of motivation to it). I had a panic attack during the final exam, but I learned how to deal with them, and I was able to make it through.

Now today, and once yesterday, I'm outside (I spend a LOT of time reading outside now), and I feel this sudden dizziness that lasts about 1-4 seconds, and it feels like I'm falling forward. It happened 3 times so far today. I also have mild visual disturbances. I was diagnosed by an eye doctor with astigmatism in March. I have prescription eyeglasses but don't wear them unless I have to see in class because I already look bad, and those make my stupid face look worse. So anyways, when I look at white walls, the sky, pages of a book, I see floaters and blue field entoptic phenomenon, and ocassionally what appears to be small flashes of light (phosphenes? ). Sometimes when I look at a bright light source then turn away, I saw a bunch of small phosphenes in the center of my visual field. I am very worried about that. Well, I'm worried about all these recent developments. And my anxiety is now sort of turning into depression because of this. I feel like a biological failure. I've went through absolute mental and physical hell, horrible insomnia caused by anxiety, and more, just to get to this point. I just feel worthless. And alone. It doesn't help that I have no friends (never did...) or anyone to talk to since I can't make any (because I'm afraid to talk to people). And when I look at the bigger picture I feel so whiney. Like, people are getting blown up around the world. And I'm complaining about symptoms. That makes me feel even worse.

I'm sorry. I don't want to depress anyone. I just feel bad right now...

[Kom_p]

Hello shortwavesig,
There seems to be many distressing thoughts and emotions  blowing you off ! You recalled that your current functioning may be the result of past childhood struggles.... Firstly, I appreciate you came to Medhelp and looked for support. That's Brave !

A Holistic approach needs to be taken...have a look at your medical conditions..general check on vitamins and hormones through various tests would be helpful and u can soon start with a  healthy diet plan to overcome any deficiencies.

Next, as suggested earlier by one of the Medhelp members, consider visiting a psychologist.

Along with these...you might want to start with anxiety combating activities such as meditation, mandala art, yoga and so on. If you like reading, you can begin with "you can heal your life" by Louis Hay.

All areas of our life are interconnected, change in one area has an impact on the next and so on. Therefore, focusing on your mental health first... will start making positive changes to other areas of your life as well.


Regards
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

[Paxiled]

Ever seen a psychologist to find out why you think this way, or to try and learn to think a different way?  You're pretty hard on yourself -- as you said, there are people out there blowing other people up, but you're not.  Why do you think you're such a weak person?  And by the way, nobody needs to eat meat to not be skinny -- no matter what you like to eat, you need to learn how to eat.

[shortwavesig]

I have yet to see a psychologist, but I believe my anxiety is due in part from being bullied throughout elementary school and also being whacked with wooden sticks as a child for punishment... I mean, those aren't normal things for someone to endure right?

[Paxiled]

The comment below is golden -- read it and take it to heart.  Here's the good part -- if you have reason to know what caused the anxiety, therapy has a really good chance of working.  It's not so good when you have no idea why you have a problem.  Please, read the below comment and act on it, and I think you'll come out the other side.