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1305767 tn?1361192676

Are my issues more likely genetic or environmental?

I've had depression and anxiety that is sometimes extreme and debilitating for many many years. I started thinking back to my childhood last night and can remember having issues even back then starting at ten years old possibly earlier than that. I didn't have much depression back then but I remember having anxiety and I do remember having some instances of panic attacks. Once, when I was in Jr. high I'd have panic attacks at school and get hysterical and my Mom would have to come get me. This went on for about a week or two but then stopped. That is just one example. I can also remember being a strange child. I had weird quirks and odd or strange thoughts would pop into my head. The earliest I can remember being teased at school was in sixth grade because I was bored in class and started making barn yard animal noises lol. I can remember being aggressive as a child too. Not really toward other people but toward inanimate objects. Like I would beat my barbies together like they were fighting and curse and get all kinds of crazy. My childhood wasn't too bad I would say. My father was an alcoholic until I was about 16 and sometimes he would get mean and a little abusive with my Mom but never with me. He'd yell and scream at me sometimes though. I always just pushed it all aside though and tried to live my life and be happy. Anyway I'm 31 going on 32 now and still have anxiety, still have weird quirks and odd thoughts. I can still get aggressive but mostly I go into periods of apathy and selfishness. I've been to therapy a couple of time but had to quit going but I can't really afford it. I do have insurance but I usually can't even swing the co-pay. I know the anxiety is likely environment but I wonder where all the strange quirks and thoughts come from.
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1305767 tn?1361192676
I can see where it gets confusing but I just mean that sometimes I don't leave the house due to anxiety and sometimes I actually want to get out of the house but am stuck here anyway because there is no gas in my car. Like today, I have a Dr. appt. at 11:30 and I'm already having anxieties about driving there. I wish my husband would go with me but I'm being "worked in" so I'll have a long wait and my husband has stuff to do so I'll be going alone. It stopped snowing though so that eases my mind a little about driving there.
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480448 tn?1426948538
I'm a little bit confused.  You seem to now be indicating that you're staying home is more of a choice than anything.  What about the job situation?  I'm just not real sure you're being very honest with yourself here about the level of dysfunction your anxiety is causing.

And, the fact that you don't ALWAYS have anxiety is great, but it's still affecting you in some way, even when you aren't anxious in the moment...your thoughts are consumed with thoughts of anxiety and what iffing, those kinds of things.

I'm just saying that your post above pretty much is singing a totally different tune than all the others.  You're now saying the bedroom thing is no big deal, related to your husband's sleep etc...yet on your other thread, you said you had a bad panic attack in bed one night and since then have struggled to sleep in bed.

You need to be able to identify what is anxiety, the extent of your avoidant behavior, and if you're doing enough to change those patterns.  IMO...you're spending too much time worrying about the stuff you cannot change (like why you have anxiety, your childhood) and not enough on the stuff you need to be working on from day to day to start making some progress.  

I've been where you are, and I can tell you that the things you're telling me and posting about indicate that the anxiety is got one heck of a grip on you.  Don't minimize that or you really won't push yourself to work on it.
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Avatar universal
The general theory, and most general theories should be taken with a grain of salt, is that childhood anxiety is completely different than adult anxiety -- almost all kids are anxious from time to time.  As for the sleep thing, many anxious people are afraid to sleep because it means it's tomorrow -- and we're afraid of tomorrow.  We try to avoid things.  Doesn't mean this is your reason, but it's a thought.  As to whether mental illness is genetic or learned, nobody knows.  Probably some of both, because genetic predisposition doesn't mean a person will get anything.  The most common therapy these days for anxiety is CBT, which doesn't care a whit how we got this way, but then, It doesn't work much of the time, either, so I stand by my little bit of both theory.
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1305767 tn?1361192676
I really do appreciate all of your advice. I think the most infuriating thing about my anxiety for me is that it comes and goes in spurts but it does seem I have more days with anxiety than without which it didn't use to be that way. I read what you said that you were shy as a child but I was never shy. Now though I'd say I'm socially awkward because I avoid most social situations. Sometimes I just feel like interacting with other people is too draining. Yes, I do spend a lot of time cooped up in the house but it's not always due to anxiety. Since my husband is the only one working our finances are very tight and often I don't have the money to put gas in my car to go anywhere. As for not sleeping in bed I'll work on that but it's not a very big deal. I mentioned to specialmom that even when I don't have anxieties about sleeping in the bedroom something about the act of going to bed and laying down keeps me awake. When I sleep on the couch I usually read my book until I can hardly keep my eyes open then go to sleep. In bed I can't read or anything like that because it would disturb my husband. Plus I'm usually up and down a lot.
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480448 tn?1426948538
Sounds a lot like me as a child...I was very anxious, very shy, and avoided a lot of social functions as a young child.  I clearly remember having panic attacks.  Of course I didn't know what they were then, but looking back, they definitely were panic attacks.

Your Dad's alcoholism and abusive ways toward your Mom very well may have had a bigger impact on you than you think it did.  It probably didn't cultivate a safe and secure environment for you, which may have caused some of the anxiety.

I think it's interesting to ponder why we are the way we are, but just don't drive yourself batty with those thoughts, because honestly, it's really impossible to ever know for SURE why we have anxiety.  Even the professionals only can theorize why some people develop anxiety disorders why others don't.  There definitely seems to be a significant genetic predisposition, and of course our environment will influence us too.  Unless a person can identify a clear past of abuse, or specific event that was extremely traumatizing, it's really just a big guessing game.  In the end, the "whys" become irrelevant anyway (unless of course a person DOES have a traumatic past that needs dealt with).  The most important thing becomes what you do about it.

I know you're still working on it...it's an ongoing process for sure.  Keep pushing yourself.  You HAVE to push yourself outside of that comfort zone, or the agoraphobia will get worse and worse.  I know you've been displaying a LOT of pretty severe avoidant behavior....that's a tough one for sure, because it IS so hard to purposely put ourselves in positions where we know we're going to be anxious.  It's much easier for us, and our anxiety, to avoid the things that scare us...but unfortunately, we don't get better that way...especially when the things that scare us are activities necessary to function in daily life...the grocery store, driving, work, etc.  I KNOW you're there...and I've been there too.  I just really cannot stress enough that you must start pushing yourself, even very small things.  

The more you avoid, the more you are crippling yourself with anxiety, fear and panic.  What ends up happening is, once we become pretty much housebound, we feel as though we've eliminated all of our sources of panic.  GUESS again!  Soon, you will have panic attacks in your "safe places"...in your home.  That's so upsetting when that happens, because we are left to feel as though we HAVE no more "safe place", when meanwhile, that "safe place" is something WE created.  Believe it or not, this is ALL completely within YOUR control.  You are feeding your brain with the notions that there is something to fear...everytime you avoid something.  You are putting those ideas in concrete.  When you face your fears, leave your comfort zone, and do something or go somewhere you have been avoiding, your brain will eventually realize (after doing it a few times) that there is nothing to fear after all.  It's a big game of "bluff" really.  Your brain is bluffing you, now YOU have to bluff your brain.

I know from our conversations, and your threads that you're pretty much near housebound at this point, right?  That means you REALLY have to ramp it up.  You can NOT allow this to continue for another day like it is.  You won't fix it overnight, but with goal setting, and slow steady progress, you can and WILL turn this around.  You start small.  I know in the other thread, you were talking about sleep and your bed, etc.

There's a perfect goal to start with.  You're essentially avoiding your bed and room because you're associating it with the sensation of panic after having a panic attack there.  Each and every night you don't sleep in your room, your mind becomes more and more convinced that your ROOM, or the BED (whatever) caused the panic attack, when you know that isn't true of course.  You just happened to have a PA in your room one day.

So, a good first goal would be to make yourself lie down in bed as LONG as you can stand it...even if you don't sleep.  You're likely to feel very anxious and MAY even have some panic...ride it out.  The LONGER you can ride it out, the better.  You keep doing that every night, increasing your time spent in there.  Write yourself note cards if you have to that say reassuring things like, "panic is just an emotion"..."anxiety will not hurt me"...."my room did not cause my panic attack"...."I am safe in my room".  You get the idea.  Read them over and over, out loud if it helps.  Create a positive environment, with a good book, favorite blanket, those kinds of things...anything you ENJOY or cherish.  Bring things into the room that will reinforce that the bedroom is an OK place to be...that you're safe there and can be content there.

Start with that okay?  At this point, don't waste a whole lot of time trying to microanalyze WHY you have anxiety...just accept that you do and that you need to really start working ULTRA hard to make some progress.

Keep us informed!  I'm pulling for you as always!
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