Bad panic attacks, derealization, valium withdrawl?

[christineyvette]

Okay this might be long but here goes. Okay so last month on the 8th I had left my house (something I have trouble with) for thanksgiving dinner and I had one of the most awful panic attacks in my life after a long time. I was shaking and I could feel my heart pumping out of my chest. On the drive home my throat was closing up (not really but that feeling I get when my anxiety is so bad) and I dry heaved in the car. When I finally got home I was still a mess and full of anxiety and everything around me felt so foreign. Like i was out of it. I've had this before and it's derealization and it sucks. it lasted for a while. I cried and just felt awful. I kept having anxiety attack over anxiety attack. I finally fell asleep after taking my Seroquel which I take every night. The next day it was hard to eat and my stools were loose due to my anxiety. I have a fear of loose stools as they can lead to vomiting which I have A HUGE fear of so now I was having anxiety over that. I have a habit to hold it in because I fear if I go I wont stop and that means something is wrong and i'll have to go to the hospital. The anxiety went away after a week. Then on the 26th I feel asleep for like 10 minutes and woke up in a awful panic attack once again feeling out of it. Since then i've been a mess and I keep telling myself its something serious and to go to the hospital but thats scary to me. Since then my anxiety has been so bad im having trouble eating so I really only eat one meal. I dry heave when my anxiety gets bad. The only relief I get is when I take my seroquel and sleep. Last night it felt like my heart was beating too fast and I had a panic attack over that. I literally though "this isnt a panic attack and i'm having a heart attack" I just felt like I was going to die. I had a night last night where I was afraid to go to the bathroom (again this is a fear) and I smacked myself and cried, hyperventilated, tried to walk around. Nothing helped. The Seroquel helped a bit but then the anxiety came over me again and I kept repeating in my head "calm down calm down" and I feel asleep. After waking this morning I started my Valium again. My therapist recommended I stop taking it daily because it wasn't having an effect and to just take as needed. So I stopped taking it. The whole time I was off it she told me I wouldnt have any symptoms of withdrawal because its only 5mg. I took it again and it helped a bit. I had anxiety over not being hungry but I managed to eat a bit. I then thought a nap would help. I fell asleep for about 20 minutes then tried again and slept for an hour. I woke up feeling out of it and the damn derealization feeling again! I'm so tired of this. Usually this goes away after a week but its almost been two. What is wrong with me? WIll I ever be able to eat again? Sleep properly? I can't even get out of my room and find it difficult to even talk to the people that live with me because im so anxious. Im scared all this anxiety and adrenaline is going to give me a heart attack. Is this something serious, is it just my brain and my anxiety? Is laying in my bed watching Netflix for almost 2 weeks straight and only leaving to go to the bathroom and get water and sometimes food not helping? Im not socializing either. Im scared that I will feel like this forever. Im scared im going crazy. Is this from the vailum? My last dose before going back on it today was 5mg and that was on the 28th. Surely it would have been out of my system? People say 5mg isnt much? Help

[specialmom]

I'm really sorry to hear you've been having this experience.  It sounds really hard and very uncomfortable.  So, Xanax, please understand is not a great fix for your long term issues.  And it is addictive.  So, it will be best when you are done with Xanax as it is not really a good choice for the issues of anxiety and panic long term.  So, what are other options.  THIS is what you need to be talking to your doctor about as well as the most recent issues.  what medication is replacing the Xanax?  I hope I didn't miss it in your post and I'm sorry if I did.  But you need more long term treatment for anxiety/panic.  We have an addiction forum which might be really helpful for discussing issues of weaning off of the Xanax.  Let us know how you are doing!

[christineyvette]

Not Xanax, Diazapam.

[Paxiled]

I'm also not sure addiction forums are good places to discuss weaning off of benzos or any other drug.  Addiction clinics by and large just force people to quit cold turkey -- it would be the rare and extremely expensive ones not accessible to most of us here that might know about tapering.  Any good psychiatrist should know how to do this.

[Paxiled]

You mention doctor.  You should be seeing a psychiatrist.  Whoever you're seeing isn't very good -- you never ever ever want to abruptly stop taking a benzo, partly because it's an addictive drug that has a wallop of a withdrawal for most people and because it can cause a seizure if you stop abruptly.  So that's for future reference -- don't expect your doctor to know what he or she is doing.  As for seroquel, yeah, it's helping you sleep, but that's an unwanted side effect of a drug intended for a different purpose and illegally marketed for sleep.  It's also doing other things to your brain that you probably don't need.  What you need is medication that actually works, and then hopefully therapy that can teach you to change the way you think about things.  You need a good psychiatrist and need to find a drug that actually works.

[Paxiled]

Oh, and loose stool can be a side effect of taking medication, but they don't lead to vomiting.  You've made that up in your anxious mind.  Relax on that one, the two are not related.

[christineyvette]

I know I just can't get it through to my head. And I figured its only 5mg and it wouldn't have a effect on such a low dose. I can't eat. I tried to eat a sandwich and I gagged a few times. I just hate this so much.

[christineyvette]

Also, seroquel was prescribed to me after a suicide attempt back in 2012. I used to take 100mg but now im on 12.5mg after weaning. It was used as a mood stabilizer along with my anti depressent Cipralex.

[Paxiled]

Ah, that's a different story, then.