Aa
suggestions needed
Hi all!
My company is asking that I attend a 1 day conference in Maryland in 2 weeks which is 1000 miles from where I live. Based on the distance, I would need to fly there and absolutely HATE flying - usually I have a Xanax on hand for such instances. Anyways, I will be 6.5 pregnant and can not take any drugs for the flight and am concerned about the effect the stress will have on me/baby and also flying/being far away from home incase something goes wrong - my husband also does not want me to go. I told the person organizing this that I wasn't comfortable w/ the idea of traveling at this time but he has now come back and said it would be difficult to find someone else to "fill my shoes". On one hand I have the fear of flying/being away from home and on the other hand, I worry that by refusing to go I will be letting the team and myself down - that I am weak to say "I am not doing this because I am pregnant".
Thoughts, suggestions?
My company is asking that I attend a 1 day conference in Maryland in 2 weeks which is 1000 miles from where I live. Based on the distance, I would need to fly there and absolutely HATE flying - usually I have a Xanax on hand for such instances. Anyways, I will be 6.5 pregnant and can not take any drugs for the flight and am concerned about the effect the stress will have on me/baby and also flying/being far away from home incase something goes wrong - my husband also does not want me to go. I told the person organizing this that I wasn't comfortable w/ the idea of traveling at this time but he has now come back and said it would be difficult to find someone else to "fill my shoes". On one hand I have the fear of flying/being away from home and on the other hand, I worry that by refusing to go I will be letting the team and myself down - that I am weak to say "I am not doing this because I am pregnant".
Thoughts, suggestions?
Thanks suzi-q.
Yes, I can put my foot down on this one - I think being 6.5 months pregnant is a valid reason not to fly and be away from home (even if its only for 3 days).
I suppose the other thing that is stressing me out right now is I am the only one w/ a job AND we just closed on our 1st house on Thursday! I feel under a lot of pressure because if something were to happen to my job, we would be in trouble especially w/ a baby on the way - so I worry about "rocking the boat". Of course the house-closing was pretty scary in itself. On top of that my work place in having a major restructure next week and it looks like my current manager may step down from his position. My greencard is also about to expire in a month so I need to drive 200 miles to the nearest INS center to get that sorted out (if something goes wrong w/ this I wont be allowed to work and in the worst case scenario could be deported but this is very,very, unlikely).
Gosh, now I have written all this out I realize I am under a lot of stress right now (of course I am also scared about motherhood and the delivery but thats another story) - I think this is all contributing to making me as worried as I am about the trip. I am a firm believer that when someone is under a lot of stress (or more than normal) the stress/anxiety "threshold" is lowered - in other words smaller things, that we wouldnt normally worry about, have a big impact on anxiety levels and the more moderate things seem to feel like they can spiral out of control.
Yes, I can put my foot down on this one - I think being 6.5 months pregnant is a valid reason not to fly and be away from home (even if its only for 3 days).
I suppose the other thing that is stressing me out right now is I am the only one w/ a job AND we just closed on our 1st house on Thursday! I feel under a lot of pressure because if something were to happen to my job, we would be in trouble especially w/ a baby on the way - so I worry about "rocking the boat". Of course the house-closing was pretty scary in itself. On top of that my work place in having a major restructure next week and it looks like my current manager may step down from his position. My greencard is also about to expire in a month so I need to drive 200 miles to the nearest INS center to get that sorted out (if something goes wrong w/ this I wont be allowed to work and in the worst case scenario could be deported but this is very,very, unlikely).
Gosh, now I have written all this out I realize I am under a lot of stress right now (of course I am also scared about motherhood and the delivery but thats another story) - I think this is all contributing to making me as worried as I am about the trip. I am a firm believer that when someone is under a lot of stress (or more than normal) the stress/anxiety "threshold" is lowered - in other words smaller things, that we wouldnt normally worry about, have a big impact on anxiety levels and the more moderate things seem to feel like they can spiral out of control.
First of all, CONGRATS TO YOU! God bless you and your little one!
I know you have a difficult decision to make, but right now you have 2 people to think about. Jobs have a great way of making you feel guilty and irreplaceable, however, the business with continue to stand if you are not able to make the trip. If you feel uncomfortable with this trip, I suggest you DON'T GO and you stick with your decision. If you weren't pregnant, I would say "go for it", but right now things are different. I think you need to stay with your gut feeling. Your family is first.
I know you have a difficult decision to make, but right now you have 2 people to think about. Jobs have a great way of making you feel guilty and irreplaceable, however, the business with continue to stand if you are not able to make the trip. If you feel uncomfortable with this trip, I suggest you DON'T GO and you stick with your decision. If you weren't pregnant, I would say "go for it", but right now things are different. I think you need to stay with your gut feeling. Your family is first.
"Hi! Listen, with the agoraphobia, which I can now define thanks to you, how do you deal with an airplane?"
I usually find that I am the most anxious BEFORE the flight and while on the tarmac. As Raine suggests, I usually listen to music and take a computer or magazine to distract me. Knowing I can get up and walk about (go to the bathroom) also helps - sometimes when I feel panicky it really helps if I can go to a place where I am on my own (bathroom) to "regroup". I also have Xanax on hand. I dont always use it but KNOWING I have it on hand "if" I need it seems to really help.
I usually find that I am the most anxious BEFORE the flight and while on the tarmac. As Raine suggests, I usually listen to music and take a computer or magazine to distract me. Knowing I can get up and walk about (go to the bathroom) also helps - sometimes when I feel panicky it really helps if I can go to a place where I am on my own (bathroom) to "regroup". I also have Xanax on hand. I dont always use it but KNOWING I have it on hand "if" I need it seems to really help.
That is true about your doctor writing an excuse-OB's are very sympathetic and all you need to do is tell him/her that you are not comfortable flying right now due to anxiety and that you need a medical excuse to give to your company.
The fact that your manager was already looking into alternative solutions is a good one. Just get the note on Tuesday and let your manager know immediately so they can make other arrangements. Also, emphasize that you wish that you could attend the conference and that you're sorry that it's simply not possible.
Re: office closure - many docs close their offices like this - esp. if he's on call by him/herself. They need a day off to recharge.
And don't ask your Dr. for the excuse - tell him that you NEED one because you are NOT comfortable flying at this time due to the anxiety. He/she will help you.
Good luck with everything!!
The fact that your manager was already looking into alternative solutions is a good one. Just get the note on Tuesday and let your manager know immediately so they can make other arrangements. Also, emphasize that you wish that you could attend the conference and that you're sorry that it's simply not possible.
Re: office closure - many docs close their offices like this - esp. if he's on call by him/herself. They need a day off to recharge.
And don't ask your Dr. for the excuse - tell him that you NEED one because you are NOT comfortable flying at this time due to the anxiety. He/she will help you.
Good luck with everything!!
Even if your doc's office is closed, isn't there an answering service that will relay the message to your doc? When I was pregnant, I could get a hold of my doc anytime, anyday. He's great! I love him. His office is closed on Fridays. I guess they need at least one day off. OBs are very busy people. What's more, you don't necessarily need a valid "medical issue" to get a note from your doctor. If your doctor is sympathetic (like mine) he/she will write you a note for anything. He/she can make up a "medical issue". However, anxiety IS considered a medical issue because it's stress on you and your baby. The baby is priority here.
At any rate, if you must go and can't take meds, then try bringing a walkman on board and listening to music during the plane ride. Maybe that will ease your nerves. Maybe some herbal tea. I know how you feel though, I hate flying too. I am a nervous wreck throughout the entire flight. I want to go back to Hawaii this summer but I keep thinking about that 5 hour flight and don't know if I want to go through that. I'm sure you'll be fine.
Good luck. Let us know how you do.
At any rate, if you must go and can't take meds, then try bringing a walkman on board and listening to music during the plane ride. Maybe that will ease your nerves. Maybe some herbal tea. I know how you feel though, I hate flying too. I am a nervous wreck throughout the entire flight. I want to go back to Hawaii this summer but I keep thinking about that 5 hour flight and don't know if I want to go through that. I'm sure you'll be fine.
Good luck. Let us know how you do.
Hi! Listen, with the agoraphobia, which I can now define thanks to you, how do you deal with an airplane?
Thanks for the advice.
This trip was VERY short notice. I was asked if I wanted to go on Wednesday and said I didnt feel comfortable traveling at this time and thought that was the end of the issue. Then on Friday afternoon an email went out listing me as one of the attendees to which I replied I shouldn't be on the list and the response was "unfortunately there is no one else that can fill your shoes". The flights will likely be booked on Monday (although I think I need to do that myself) and the OBGYNs office is CLOSED on Mondays (I dont understand that one). I dont think there is a medical issue that will prevent me from traveling, its more I will get very anxious because I hate to fly and I cant take anything for it. Of course the stress/anxiety will be bad for the baby.
I had told my manager (not the same person that is organizing this trip) and I didnt want to go and he seemed a little disappointed but was looking at alternative solutions. This was BEFORE I got the email from the organizer stating that no one else can fill my shoes.
This trip was VERY short notice. I was asked if I wanted to go on Wednesday and said I didnt feel comfortable traveling at this time and thought that was the end of the issue. Then on Friday afternoon an email went out listing me as one of the attendees to which I replied I shouldn't be on the list and the response was "unfortunately there is no one else that can fill your shoes". The flights will likely be booked on Monday (although I think I need to do that myself) and the OBGYNs office is CLOSED on Mondays (I dont understand that one). I dont think there is a medical issue that will prevent me from traveling, its more I will get very anxious because I hate to fly and I cant take anything for it. Of course the stress/anxiety will be bad for the baby.
I had told my manager (not the same person that is organizing this trip) and I didnt want to go and he seemed a little disappointed but was looking at alternative solutions. This was BEFORE I got the email from the organizer stating that no one else can fill my shoes.
I agree with getting the OB to write you a medical excuse if you strongly feel that there is no way that you can get the strength to do the flight. Did you share your fears with your superior yet? Have your OB for his/her opinion on this?
I think your situation would be a lot different if you didn't have your baby to think about. Usually, it's a good thing to push yourself into doing things you fear, but I think your pregnancy is a very valid excuse this time. I believe you're having second thoughts now because of that comment that was made. You are feeling a little intimidated.
I think that under different circumstances you would go, but your health and the babys come first and you and your husband should stick with your first instincts.
Take care hun.....
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I think that under different circumstances you would go, but your health and the babys come first and you and your husband should stick with your first instincts.
Take care hun.....
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Maybe you can get a note from your OB that it would not be in the best interest of you or your baby's health to fly right now. At 6.5 weeks, you are pretty far along.
Nonetheless, I flew to Hawaii when I was preg with my daughter. It was a 5 hour flight but I was only about 3 months. My friend's sister flew about 2 hours to Oregon when she was about 5 months pregnant.
If you do decide to go, I think you would be okay. Just make sure you talk to your OB about it first.
Anyway, tough decision. Good luck and congrats.
Nonetheless, I flew to Hawaii when I was preg with my daughter. It was a 5 hour flight but I was only about 3 months. My friend's sister flew about 2 hours to Oregon when she was about 5 months pregnant.
If you do decide to go, I think you would be okay. Just make sure you talk to your OB about it first.
Anyway, tough decision. Good luck and congrats.
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