Do I really have anxiety?

[Fizzy777]

I don't think I have anxiety, or at least I didn't until I started reading through all of your posts. I'm a bit more convinced now, but still worry that I've got another problem. If I could, I'd have every organ tested for everything and if everything was ok, then I'd believe this diagnosis!

I went to the doctor at the end of August because I had an irregular period, felt lightheaded, nauseous, and was peeing all the time! It turned out I had a UTI but was also sent for an ultrasound to check out the irregular period (I'm 45). Turns out I have a 5cm cystic structure on one of my ovaries and am having it removed Dec 1.

I had had one panic attack once about 15 years ago after eating a big meal, but it went away and never happened again till now. They didnt really test for it. After waiting in the ER for 5 hours, they took my vitals again and said they were normal, so it must have been a panic attack.

While waiting for the ultrasound results back in August, I was lying down watching tv and started to feel like I couldnt breathe. A few hours later, my partner took me to the ER. We were there for 6 hours and I was having a really hard time with it, especially when one of the nurses yelled at me for asking how much longer it would be. We ended up leaving because there were still lots of people ahead of me, and I was starting to feel better.

I went to my family doctor the next day and she said it sounded like a panic attack. She took my vitals and they were fine. I've got .5mg of Ativan to take when I need it, and I don't take them too often (one every 2-3 days). The thing is, I feel this way every day. I feel like I can't breathe, especially when I wear clothing that isn't really loose, and after eating unless I eat really really slow. Up until this started, I drank probably 3 cups of coffee a day. Now if I have just one, I need to take a pill and/or lie down. Tea seems ok though.

I have terrible shoulder/neck pain, but always figured this was from too much time working at the PC. The breathing difficulty freaks me out so I'm afraid to leave the house. I missed two really good concerts that I had tickets for last month, and a business trip because of the breathing and nausea. Life is pretty much stress free, other than the surgery coming up (which I'm really scared about), and I'm happy with my life. It seems to start for no reason. I always thought anxiety attacks happened for a reason, not just at random, and then they'd go away... not linger on. I've felt like this for about 2.5 months now and it scares me because I wonder if it could be something they just havent tested me for... but then again anxiety makes sense too. Sometimes it feels like my jaw is really tight too, and I just can't get enough air.

I'm not sure what to do. I thought of seeing a psychiatrist but apparently there's long waiting list because they're covered by the govt health plan. Therapists are very expensive. I guess I want 100% reassurance that this really is anxiety and not something they've missed. I've always been a big worrier and have a few phobias, but they never affected me physically before.

Just wondering if you all thing my symptoms point to anxiety. The Ativan helps me after about 10-15 minutes, so would this mean it's anxiety?

Thanks for your help! I'm sure glad I found this web site! :)
Fizzy

[Fizzy777]

Thanks nursegirl! I just wish the symptoms were always the same. Thinking back, I've been this way since I was a child. I remember when I was 9 I was in the school orchestra and my parents were coming to our Xmas concert. I drew them a map on how to find the auditorium once they got in the doors, and told them exactly how to find it, and still worried about them getting lost inside the school until I saw them in the audience! That's too much worry for a 9 year old, I think.

Today I went out to the post office, about 1/2 a mile walk, and about 3 minutes away from home I started to feel lightheaded and short of breath. I took an Ativan. About 20 minutes later I started to feel better, but then thought maybe it was just the cold fresh air. I smoke (too much) so I sometimes worry that this is part of my problem, but my lungs and heart rate are fine.

LOL re your poop-a-phobia :) It's not funny, but the name is, and the fact that you can laugh about it!

My biggest phobia is insects... most specifically centipedes. We get them in this area and no matter how much I seal up this house, they get in. Usually we find them upstairs, so I wont even go upstairs alone except in January to March when it's too cold for them. I cant even shower in the morning because I need my partner to check the bathtub/washroom for them before I can shower. He's very understanding. I dont get anxiety attacks from them, but I've fallen when seeing one before and don't want to hurt myself.

What might add to my problems is that I keep them to myself because I dont want to worry people. Everyone calls me "smiley"... I'm a generally happy person and try not to show anyone when I'm upset. But I dont want to appear like an anxious person... it's mostly on the inside.

The surgery to remove my cysts is really worrying me and I think that's the biggest problem I have right now. Apparently the risk of it being cancer is less than 1%, and it's routine surgery that's done every day. But I keep thinking I'm going to the hospital, they'll find terrible things inside me, and I'll never be able to leave. I'll never come home again. I've been posting in the ovarian cysts forum as well, but I dont want to say this in there because I dont want other people who need the same surgery to start thinking the same thing!

When my mom died 10 years ago, she was diagnosed with colon cancer which they were pretty convinced they could treat with radiation and she wouldnt even need chemo. A day after her last radiation treatment, we had to rush her to hospital. She had peritonitis (from the radiation, I believe) and she never got to leave the hospital. She passed away there a month later. I dont have siblings and my dad was in need of a hip replacement and was in a lot of pain so needed to rest in the evenings, so I was there all the time. We had a bad shortage of nurses as well, so I was afraid to leave her side. I'm really going off topic, but maybe this experience has added to my fears of the hospital. I'm also worried that even if the surgery goes well and there's nothing bad going on inside me, the nurses will forget me afterwards and not give me any pain meds or something will happen when I get home and I'll have to go to the ER (our waiting times in the ER are usually a minimum of 5 hours).

I'm so glad I've found this forum. I can get a lot of this stuff off my chest here! :)

Sorry for going on and on and on... and thanks for listening!

Fizzy

[nursegirl6572]

Anxiety causes a myriad of symptoms...some that make total sense, others not so much.  Some times, we experience these symptoms with such regularity, and often times in the absence of feeling anxious, that we just cannot imagine that it could be "just anxiety".  Some times a physical cause IS found, which is why I always recommend ruling that out first....but after we have exhausted that route, we must start to focus on anxiety.

At that point, it is important to try not to focus on the symptoms themselves and why THEY would be the ones that would present as our anxiety, but rather dive into different ways to rid ourselves of these symptoms.  After a while, we become so (for lack of a better word)..."obssessed" with the sensations, that it is pretty hard to re-train your mind to NOT recognize that sensation as anything significant.

Just as an example...and this really isn't related to you per se, but look up "globus hystericus".  This symptom of anxiety causes people to have difficulty swallowing, and feel as though there is a forever lump in the throat...with people suffering for years.  Once the person is taught how to essentially re-train their focus on the sensation, it eventually resolves.

Anxiety is a very powerful thing that causes us very real physical symptoms.  A lot of times we wish there simply WOULD be an easy, medical explanation with an easy fix....because attacking anxiety and learning how to think differently certainly is challenging.  But, never impossible.

Keep us updated!

Oh, and hopefully with my example on the "what if's" (vomiting)...you got my sense of humor.  I threw that in there to hopefully make you smile, or even laugh.  I have learned that laughter at ourselves is one of the best things to come out of this.....when I get a minute....for example..I will share with you (and everyone else) all of my poopy stories.  My secret?  I'm a poop-a-phobe (yes, it's an official medical term that I created, tyvm).  While I'm in the midst of a panic attack and fearful that I may not find a potty, it isn't so funny...but boy, after the fact...thinking back...I've laughed myself silly.  The best part of that is....I know that I'm still ME and that depsite some scary and unsettling thoughts, I know that they're only thoughts.  Emotions.  But, there is time for that, I won't scare you away just yet.  LOL.  ;0)

[Fizzy777]

Thanks for the welcome, nursegirl! You're right... I really do need to talk to my doctor or someone about this. I've been really anxious all day and am still having shortness of breath now and feel like my jaw is wired shut until I consciously open my mouth.

Some of the symptoms just don't make sense to me though. I work at home so my work clothes are usually track pants and a sweater to be comfy. Today I went for an ultrasound and had to drink a lot of water, so I wore track pants rather than jeans (so there wouldnt be additional pressure on my bladder). My track pants weren't really loose (not like the ones I wear around the house), but they weren't tight either, yet I felt shortness of breath when I was out and then at home until I changed my clothes, especially when sitting. I wasnt so bad walking. There's no way that they were tight enough to make my breathing change in regular circumstances. Before all this started, I never had this problem. Could this be anxiety? Has anyone else experienced this? I'm not in the best shape, but not the worst either... probably about 10-15 lbs overweight (I'm 5'2") though I havent been out of the house very much at all in the last 3 months. This is one of the worst things I experience. I can't wear loose, baggy clothing all the time, or it just reminds me that I have to.

By the way... I wasnt worried that I'd vomit on myself during the business trip... just on the poor person next to me on the plane! :)  I'd have gone if it wasn't for having to fly there... I'm not afraid of flying, but I was worried I'd start having shortness of breath etc.

[nursegirl6572]

Welcome!!!  It sure sounds like anxiety, especially since you've had a pretty good work up and have gotten the "thumb's up" physically.  You said that you wish you could have every organ checked to feel better.  LOL....there are porbably many readers cheering at the thought of that, but the way anxiety works...it isn't rational, and I guaruntee you that even THAT wouldn't be enough.  Anxiety is all about the "what if's".  "What IF I am having a heart attack?"...."What if the test wasn't accurate or the doc missed something?"...."What if I go on that business trip and vomit all over myself, embarrassing myself to death?" And it goes on and on...a miserable cycle.

If I were you...I would get on that waiting list for a psychiatrist, as an official Dx would be helpful to know what exactly you're dealing with, but in the meatime, try to work with your family doc, twlling him/her that you want to start addressing the anxiety.  Therapy is very helpful if you can find a way to swing it.....ask your doc for resources if it is a financial burden.  CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) has helped a lot of people with anxiety.

As far as how anxiety "comes on"...especially panic attacks...it is the "random", "out of blue" aspect of them that characterizes an anxiety disorder.  MOST people who experience their first panic attack would probably say that there was no obvious trigger, and that they were not feeling stressed or anxious at all.  That also is what makes it quite scary...it hits us very unexpectedly.  

Stick around...there is a world of help here, and wonderful support.  

One last general statement...and I sincerely do NOT want to spark a political debate....just something for our US residents who support the health care reform that is on the table.....take heed of this statement from the OP.....

"I'm not sure what to do. I thought of seeing a psychiatrist but apparently there's long waiting list because they're covered by the govt health plan"

While our system needs change, a govt run health care system will change many of the wonderful advances we have here, and many of our health care freedoms we so enjoy.  Again, don't want to spark a debate, but want people to truly think about that.