Not my son's baby.

[Barbara9]

My 23 year old son was in a bad accident, he almost died. He has a head injury where he has lost memory, and suffers from depression. About a month after the accident he broke off his engagement to his girl friend of five years.  Five months after the accident he started seeing this other girl this is when the problems started. My son was living at home I was caring for him about three weeks after he started dating this girl she came in with a pregnancy test that said she was three weeks pregnant . His dad and I talk to him he told us not to worry he would get a dna test when the baby was born. My son may never work again and has major problems.

Two months before the baby was born my son moved into an apartment with this girl the problems started. I drove my son to his doctor appointments . My husband and I were not allowed to go into the apartment when this girl was home, we had to call before we went over. The only time we went to his place was when he needed something he would call we took it over, he meet us outside.

Her mother gave her a baby shower, her mother told me she would call me for a list of family and friends, I made out the list. I was told her mom could not afford to have more than thirty people at the shower. I said I would pay for our family and friends.  The shower was held at a restaurant with a sit down dinner. I was informed she did not want a big baby shower, I told her that was ok her mom could have hers and I would have one for our family. I was than told she did not want two showers.  I backed off I had already bought the baby bed, car seat, stroller and baby carrier as well as other things. As well as a car that my son could drive. Helped them furnish the apartment. All the invitations to our family and friends were lost in the mail.

My son started lying to me about everything,  I did not understand this, we had always been close now he didn’t want to talk to me or want his dad and I around unless he wanted something. Now I wanted to know what was going on . My son knew I had doubts this baby was his due to his accident he could not sleep in a bed or lie down, his hip was broken and had not healed, he had breaks in his spine, his spleen had been removed, all his ribs had been broken, his liver and kidney was punctured . And the dates did not add up he had lied and said she was not as far along as she was. When they had the first sonogram January 24, she was 13 weeks 3 days . My son and his girlfriend knew I knew nothing about having babies both my children were adopted.  

March 7th 2008 ...2nd Sonogram  20 weeks 2 days. --- He was so excited it was a boy. Again he told me he was going to have the test done.  My son stopped talking to me unless he wanted something I knew something was not right  he lied about everything that I ask him. Now I wanted to know why he was lying and if he knew this was not his baby.  

My son called us on July 9th his girlfriend was in the hospital she was having the baby early and having problems he ask us to come to the hospital. Her mother and sister was with her. My husband and I sit outside, my son would come down once in a while to talk to us.  We were there all day that night around nine pm my son called us and ask us to come up to the room her mom and sister had gone home. Around eleven thirty the doctor came in we were ask to wait in the waiting room. About thirty minutes later her mom, sister and some of their friends came running in and went back to the room. The friends came back out and sit down. My husband and I walked back there, I open the door just as they held the baby up a nurse came and ask us to go to the waiting room and they would come get us as soon as the baby was cleaned up.

Her mother came out, got the friends they all ran back to the room. My son came out and got us we went in for about five minutes and left. My son walked us out not saying a word  to anyone as we left, walking down the hall he said in a very quite voice “ I thought he would look like me.” I didn’t know what to say so I said nothing.  His dad and I came home.

Birth July 10th 2008... 18 weeks from  2nd sonogram. --38 weeks 1 days...

Her mother had said to me the baby was coming three weeks early. I knew that was not true.
No one in our family has seen the baby other than his dad and I. Very few of his friends has seen the baby. Because I ask my son to keep his word and have a dna test done we no longer have a relationship. Am I wrong in trying to protect my son ?  I know my son was not dating her when she got pregnant . If he had not had this accident and in the shape he was in I would not have said anything, now I worry  I don’t think he knows what he is getting himself into. He believes everything this girl tells him even with the proof that the baby was not three weeks early he still thinks its his.



Sorry this is so long,  

[Barbara9]

Thank you both very much for your reply, it is always good to get others views when you are not sure what to do. Both of you gave very good advice and it is much appreciate. I am just waiting for my son to contact me I don't bother him, he knows i am here if and when he wants me.

Thank you

[snoozies43]

I understand what you are going through about the "actual proof of this being his child" My son's ex-wife's parents have never let us in on much of my grand children's life. I will say however...I agree with lydia..the fact that your son is going through his own personal growth since the accident..will be helpful if you decide a lawyer is needed. I would say however that with our children...when something is wrong..they DO block us out..until it is almost 2 late. ;o/ What we can do for ourselves...is set our boundries as to how much we will allow them to continue to hurt us..whether they themselves are suffering or not. "Guide them" ..when asked. Also i would say..absoulutely be there for your son, in "HIS" recovery. Just little questions and "hint's" to keep him on the right path. Keep him thinking positively about himself, criticism i have found never works. It is so hard not to be "part of". I know. watching our children make decisions that would not be like ours, can be enlightning o say the least. Pray for him and his situation...and get "your" support as well. :)
Best 2 you
Snooze

[RubyWitch]

This is a difficult one, to say the least. Your son is an adult and I will assume his girlfriend is also.  
Your son's behavior since the accident is strange and I believe you did say he had a head injury along with many, many others. That he also suffers from depression would seem normal given how horribly his life has changed. How he is treating you and your husband does not seem normal in my book. He seems to be under the control of this woman and that is what would have me the most concerned. It also seems as if her entire family is in on this "keep his parents out of it" behavior. Their behavior in all of this is extremely odd.
I wish I knew what to advise you to do. I don't know if there is some sort of legal way to protect your son, to force this woman to undergo DNA testing, to have your son declared incompetent...........I'm truly at a loss, but I can sure feel your pain and would be as freaked out as you are. It almost sounds like your son is being played due to his diminshed mental and physical capacity........like this family is looking for someone to take on the responsibility for a woman and child that is probably not even his. I would seriously look into talking to a lawyer before they get married, see if there is anything you can do. If they do get married, I don't think there will be anything you can do. But I am only guessing about all of this. What I keep going back to his how drastically your son has changed............and I think this is what a lawyer would be able to use to help you.
I can only hope that someone else on this forum has better advice to give you.
I'm sorry I wasn't much use..........I wish you the best with this.
Peace
Greenlydia